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General *sigh* and so it continues - Dealing with the aftermath of ending a toxic relationship

(And it was VERY eye opening to find out that CPTSD doesn't necessarily involve doing what she does, by the way! I'm not sure, but there must be something else going on there.)
This !!

I messaged to let her know that I was hurt.
Does she actually care that you are hurting?

Others may not agree but IMO if you love someone deeply and have committed fully - it is very, very hard to after a break up ,to move on, move forward or move onto another relationship that quickly. I can only speak for myself when I say so.
 
Does she actually care that you are hurting?

Others may not agree but IMO if you love someone deeply and have committed fully - it is very, very hard to after a break up ,to move on, move forward or move onto another relationship that quickly. I can only speak for myself when I say so.

Yeah, I think I mistook her wanting a supply for her caring.

I completely understand the emotion in your posts - I think I've found that hard to articulate sometimes... the amount of podcasts and blogs and books and forums I've engaged with...

She doesn't 'owe' me anything for that of course (I chose to do it), but it does add to the pain of being told you don't care and then being thrown away.

I am looking to focus on myself now, but I still have some questions in my brain -

Apparently she went to see multiple psychologists to get the CPTSD diagnosis (here in Europe).

To be fair, that could be because of ignorance in the psychological community.

But I think she was initially diagnosed with BPD (from what I remember), and maybe there's more to that.

Thing is, I was codependent with her yes, but boy is it hard not to be when a person seems nice and is telling you about multiple assaults, and weapons and everything.

And then they're in tears, and telling you how no one understands them... but how you're so great for them, and how they're sooo grateful for you, and how they want to understand every part of you... etc etc etc

And when things declined, they did so fairly nicely at first (it was too much nice attention initially), and then they went downhill steadily after I was right in.

I'm not ranting here - just.... sharing.

I'm moving forward, I just... I like to try to get my head around things if I can...
 
That’s the beauty of this place, you can take what you need and let the rest go. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey, nobody said it was easy, but as you should find in time, it is doable, sometimes without the answers we're looking for.

Agreed, I appreciated your input in general! 😊
 
Her threatening to beat you and trying to force you to sleep with her is bad news. I am glad you’re out of it. Reverse the roles and see what you think of it.
I was with someone like that and it did get worse. Went very bad.

I think she just wanted her fix. As others said I also think she used the mental illness as a crutch to try and excuse her behaviour.
Hard to rationalise but sometimes people are just genuine piece of work. Try to resist the self blame. Sounds like a lot to go through you don’t need to be your own enemy ontop of it. Don’t condemn yourself for wanting to be loved and love another. Human bonds are important, we are programmed to want to keep them. Protocol for when things go bad isn’t built-in.
 
Her threatening to beat you and trying to force you to sleep with her is bad news. I am glad you’re out of it. Reverse the roles and see what you think of it.
I was with someone like that and it did get worse. Went very bad.

I think she just wanted her fix. As others said I also think she used the mental illness as a crutch to try and excuse her behaviour.
Hard to rationalise but sometimes people are just genuine piece of work. Try to resist the self blame. Sounds like a lot to go through you don’t need to be your own enemy ontop of it. Don’t condemn yourself for wanting to be loved and love another. Human bonds are important, we are programmed to want to keep them. Protocol for when things go bad isn’t built-in.

Thank you - my brother used to say this too "Reverse the roles".

He told me that if he saw a guy publicly yelling at a girl like she did to me, he'd be on the verge of calling the police.

But y'know... it's hard.

Because every comment is contextual, every action is like...
"Did they mean that? Did I imagine it? Did it play out that way? Were there mitigating factors? Did I misunderstand?"

I've just decided to take it as "No, I'm completely right" for the moment - just for the moment.

And when I've moved forwards a bit, there'll be time perhaps for considering some nuances.

I think that's about right.

I need to stop being trapped in the situation first - trying to consider the nuances now will just keep me stuck, I think.
 
Don’t condemn yourself for wanting to be loved and love another. Human bonds are important, we are programmed to want to keep them. Protocol for when things go bad isn’t built-in.
THIS !

As others said I also think she used the mental illness as a crutch to try and excuse her behaviour.
Hard to rationalise but sometimes people are just genuine piece of work. Try to resist the self blame.
( This post is with utmost respect to genuine sufferers of mental illness)
This is only a viewpoint- IMO - I have witnessed many use mental illness as a crutch and a ( believe it or not ) a manipulation tool . It is so sad.
Ex- 1)an adult daughter determines a father's life and happiness using mental illness as a ticket- for money ,to guilt trip, to not work ,for constant attention& control.
2) a child constantly manipulates her mum by " not eating ",not going to school, unless she gets what she wants.
3) mental illness used as a strategy to intentionally and deliberately avoid a genuine and caring friend who wants to be a support(sadly ,like @Anon1 ) but gets tossed, discarded.
4) an offspring who supported a parent through mental illness , now uses it as leverage to fully control parent's life and guilt trip.
 
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