Relationship Signs A Spouse Is Exaggerating Ptsd

[ShanaK]

Yep.

I have never once in my life exploded on my own, or anyone else's, kids. No matter how I'm feeling...

@Friday he absolutely loved it! He loved working the cartels and being on cutters.

@ShanaK You know, I have refrained from posting but I'm going to anyway. I'm also...

@Snowflakes that's the root of it. Something isn't adding up. And it's a strong gut feeling. I have been researching ptsd for a year and a half. I have two good friends whose dads have it and a friend of mine has it. Some of them are military related and one isnt. And I know not every case is a perfect picture of dot to dot this is ptsd and they aren't all the same. But something is not right. And he works in law enforcement. He is extremely intelligent. He knows how he is treating me is wrong. But he will not back down from it or using ptsd a an excuse all crutch.

 

[Sideways]

His behaviour, as you've described it, sounds like passive aggression, and that could be getting its fuel from a lot of places, including his ptsd.

Ptsd doesn't really have 'personality' symptoms as such. So, if a guy with ptsd is a jerk, his jerk-ness isn't a "symptom" of his ptsd.

That said, a person with ptsd may well take on personality issues as a sign that they're struggling to cope. And with ptsd, even with mild treatment intervention, it gets worse before it gets better - which may be the period hubby is going through at the moment.

Whenever anyone, ptsd or otherwise, is starting to become emotionally overwhelmed or is under a lot of stress, their personality takes a hit. So if you have ptsd, and all the emotions that come with the disorder and treating the disorder, that person may very well become a bit difficult to be around till they start to recover.

It's hard to be a patient, thoughtful, loving, caring, A+ person all the time when you're running on empty. When I get the flu, I can be a pretty crabby mole, and that's because I've got the flu and I'm not coping. Being a crabby mole isn't a "symptom" of the flu, but the flu has caused my crabby mole personality issues.

And like the posts above have pointed out - you're the safe target for all of it. Can't lose it at work cause he'll get fired, can't lose it at the kids, and it's gotta go somewhere. Doesn't make it okay, but it does explain it in a way that avoids the 'exaggeration' question.

Learning to manage the way he's regulating his emotions, managing his symptoms so he's not running on empty all the time, communicating with people in healthy (rather than destructive, passive aggressive) ways, is all part of the recovery process. Which takes time and, unfortunately, comes with that caveat of "it gets worse before it gets better".

That's not me saying that you have to cop it. Not at all. But it maybe does give you a different perspective on how to manage it. Any kind of illness is prone to make people difficult to be around at times - that's not an excuse, just a possible reason.

 

[dulcia]

Full disclosure that I did not read the comments, as I did not want to get into an abuse vs. PTSD discussion again. With that being said, most people would have no idea my guy has PTSD, especially casual friends. However, with people he has spent more time with? He has exploded with each and everyone of them (family, friends, me included) at one point in time. And I'm not exaggerating when I say each and every one -- brother, best friend, friend from high school, father, etc.