I wrestle with this a lot. Feel free to disregard my thoughts and wrestling with this question if it’s not helpful. It’s just where I’m at with it all.
I am not saying I don't believe in God my struggle is how can a kind, loving & merciful God that is capable of anything and everything allow the things that he does?
The “problem of pain” is one that people have struggled with in the Christian faith for thousands of years. The best and most honest writer I’ve found on this subject is a book by Phillip Yancey called “Where is God When It Hurts.” He wrestled though this difficult subject of why God allows pin and doesn’t stop it from happening. (The electronic version happens to be super cheap on a couple of major booksellers lately and I’ve been re-reading it this past week.)
I was brought up christian, I have spent years studying my faith, seeking answers, solace, forgiveness, unconditional love but my biggest question still remains why? Why me, why anyone that has been abused and/or traumatized, why does he allow it to happen and why does he allow some to be abused/traumatized multiple times? So I go back to it must be something about me, something I did/do wrong that either continues to/or caused me to incur God's wrath. And if it's not that if it was a bet a between God and Satan like in the book of Job than how can I believe in/have faith in such a fickle creature?
For awhile, I thought God might be an a—hole. I have wrestled long and hard, and sometimes still do. I don’t know why God allows the pain that he does allow in the world. But I know that the answer isn’t as simple as bad thing happens to person therefore the person must be bad. There are a handful of stories in the New Testament where someone who is sick or ill or injured comes up to Jesus and asks for healing and the disciples, the very followers of Christ asked, “whose fault was it?” In one case, they ask if it was a blind man’s fault he was blind or was it his parents sin? Back then, blindness was believed to be a result of someone’s sin. Jesus explains quite clearly it was neither him nor his parents who sinned, but that situation happened so that the glory of God could be revealed, and then Jesus heals the man. While the story isn’t a very satisfying in regards to why it happened the way it did, it does eliminate the math of bad things happen to a person so therefore the person did something to deserve it.
Then there is the story of Moses. He defies the odds and leads the Jews out of captivity in Egypt and then gets lost in the desert. As they wander the desert for years on end, Moses faithfully follows God, more closely than anyone. Then he screws up and gets pissed with the people around him and instead of doing what God said, which is to strike a rock once for water... he strikes it twice. And for that mistake, he doesn’t get to enter the promised land in his lifetime. The main goal of the whole journey!
That story used to piss me off. It wasn’t the biggest mistake. Why take away being able to reach the land of milk and honey, quite literally promised to Moses? But then in one of Yancey’s books, he points out that it wasn’t the end of the story. Moses was transfigured with Christ himself in the promised land. It blew the mind of the disciples who saw it happen. He did end up in the promised land in the most incredible way possible.
Jesus spoke extremely strongly of perps that harm children suggesting they should basically off themselves in a hurry, by hanging a millstone around their necks and drown themselves, and said as much in a time when children were not regarded well.
No where does Christ suggest little ones should be abused because they sinned. When people try to do so much as shoo away kids, probably so that they could hear Christ preach better, Jesus pulls the children in closer. He tells everyone their angels are quite close to God.
Jesus ran towards the rejected, the abused, the downtrodden, the weak and vulnerable... AND those who made horrible mistakes, the sinners ... and did not condemn them. He would step in and protect them, even placing his reputation and life on the line to protect those who were verifiably terrible sinners and lawbreakers. It’s not about sin and earning good or bad things and God’s protection. The people Christ did condemn? The religious hypocrites who thought they were perfect and all that. The stone throwers. Not those abused and broken.
Why is the abuse allowed in the first place? I don’t know. But I do know is not the end of the story.
The question your therapist asked is kinda like one a pastor asked of me. He said that the pain I had been through in my life made him wonder why God trusted me so much? It kind of surprised me. Wasn’t sure what to make of it.
I think it actually makes a lot more sense to look at the reality that, for whatever reason, God allowed darkness to enter the world, free will and the evil one, and thus all this crap happens.... and that’s not the full story. It goes on. When Job cries out in pain from all of his losses, some of Job’s friends tell Job he must have screwed up and sinned to deserve all that happened. God rebukes them. Job pleads with God that he is a good person... and God goes on to basically explain He is God, He has a plan... and the story didn’t end there. The ending of that story is amazing. Job didn’t just suffer. That’s not the full story of his life. All that he lost was given back and so much more.
Ok so, I know, why did Job suffer in the first place? I don’t know, but God himself actually submitted himself to this very dynamic. He didn’t just decide humans should be at risk of great suffering but suffers with us. Deemed it worthwhile... maybe because of the end of the story? I’m not sure.
For awhile, after Christ died, everyone thought God abandoned them to hopelessness and pain and abuse by the Romans. Even Jesus himself asked why did God forsake himself on the cross enduring horrific pain and being killed by the Romans who were really f—ing good at torturous deaths. The question is never totally fully answered, but it’s not the end of the story. God redeemed death. Abuse. Torture. And raised Christ from the dead.
It’s a weird mystery.
Then there is the story of Jesus and Lazarus. Mary laments to Christ that he came too slowly (I personally rant at God from time to time that he moves too slowly.) Mary tells Christ that if he would have simply come faster, her brother would not have died. Jesus knows he is going to raise Lazarus from the dead, he knows the story for them ends well. But he sees the pain and suffering of Mary and weeps. Flat out cries. God is a God of empathy. He entered our pain and is close to it.
I don’t believe at all that God didn’t stop the perps from harming you because he thought you deserved it. It’s just not his style. It kind of pisses me off regularly that God allows such horrible things to happen to people. He somehow deemed it worthwhile to give humans free will and some humans choose to totally embrace what is so evil and harm children. The evil one, the father of lies, adds fuel to that fire and then whispers to the victims... “you deserved it.” And it’s a f—ing lie. Not true. Satan wants to hold you back. F him. I struggle with trust in God and doubt all the time... but I do believe abuse and trauma is not the end to your story or mine.
