Sometimes Therapy Is Not The Answer

[cherryblossom]

I tried to go it alone for years and was completely unsuccessful. It took me a very long time, and lots of 'failed' therapy attempts before I found the right therapist for me. If I'd have given up on therapy because of all those failed attempts, I have little doubt that I would still be suffering daily with my PTSD. Either that, or dead from suicide.

I certainly didn't have the skills to go it alone, but everyone is different.

My only concern is that if you had the skills to go it alone, you probably would have done so already. If not therapy, what other approaches do you plan to take to help you to move forwards and mange your PTSD?

Therapy is not for everyone. However you decide to deal with your PTSD, I hope you find a solution that works for you, and helps you to move forward in your life.

 

[Animalliberator]

Financial concerns only play a role in my decision to end therapy. I admit I feel tremendous guilt using my family's limited resources to pay for therapy (we have an extended benefits plan that pays a portion of the costs. But I'm spending about $1,000 per month on therapy).

The major reason I will end therapy is lack of effectiveness. There have been times in my life where the "go it alone" approach works better for me.

What do I do instead of therapy? Snowboard and rock climb LOTS. They may not heal the wounds of PTSD but the focus they require is a great, albeit temporary, escape.

 

[nursenurse]

Just bottling it up inside is doomed to fail, so if you have decided to go it alone, then you have to put other things into place for yourself. Why not tell your wife? She is your partner, and she knows more than anyone that something is going on inside, no matter how hard you try to hide. You have already said it is getting exhausting. Maybe work with one of your therapists to put something into place so that you can try to go it alone, before you sign off on them. Books, this forum, Dr. Google (with a grain of salt, sometimes), whatever else you can find to help support your journey

I fear for you, no man is an island, as much as you feel like you might be. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

 

[Animalliberator]

Thank you, nursenurse, for your kind words.

I don't really talk to anyone about my issues, though I have been seeing a fantastic talk therapist for months now. But my therapist admits she has limitations to treating complex trauma. She is committed to working with me but cost and my ability (actually, inability) to open up in therapy are impeding the process. My therapy is becoming too expensive. And it is clear that therapy will take years to make a dent. It would be a long haul. And my family's finances are not extensive enough to cover long-term therapy.

Sometimes, there is something to be said for just bucking up, putting on a happy face, and pretending as if all is well.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

What do I do instead of therapy? Snowboard and rock climb LOTS. They may not heal the wounds of PTSD but the focus they require is a great, albeit temporary, escape.

My hubby does that with skate boarding and riding his r6. He says skate boarding is a very spiritual thing--a very grounding experience. I will assume snowboarding and rock climbing does that for you?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Do you live in the USA? Did you read my post about the sliding scale counseling centers? I pay like $40 per week out of pocket, which isn't bad at all.

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm not asking how you manage your symptoms now

What do I do instead of therapy? Snowboard and rock climb LOTS.

I'm asking, if therapy isn't the answer for you - what do you think is?

If snowboarding and rock climbs stops you having any PTSD symptoms then you are already sorted. But if that is only temporary escape, what approaches will you try to achieve that longer term?

From my personal experience, "putting on a happy face, and pretending all is well", just doesn't work in the long term. PTSD continually bites you on the bum, until you process your trauma(s). Even then, you have to work non-stop to manage symptoms and stressful situations as they arise. All those skills, I learnt in therapy.

 

[Animalliberator]

Yes, snowboarding and climbing can take one'a mind away from trauma. But, sadly, like drugs or alcohol, those activities are simply temporary escapes. And, I'll admit, in some ways they can undermine healing because they are just that - escapes. Not solutions.

To cope with trauma but avoid real healing, many people turn into workaholics, seek refuge through sex, become adrenaline junkies, or choose the old standards of drugs and alcohol. So, I realize my preferred "drug" of extreme sports only takes my mind off trauma for a little while but does little to bring long-term relief.

 

[Animalliberator]

Do you live in the USA? Did you read my post about the sliding scale counseling centers? I pay like $40 per week out of pocket, which isn't bad at all.

I used to live in the US. I no longer do.

 

[keifer]

I tried alone. I wanted to die everyday I woke up. I found a guide to help me. I'm now alone. I gave being told I had to see someone. I'll live with this or a perhaps one day I won't anyone.

 

[Animalliberator]

From my personal experience, "putting on a happy face, and pretending all is well", just doesn't work in the long term. PTSD continually bites you on the bum, until you process your trauma(s). Even then, you have to work non-stop to manage symptoms and stressful situations as they arise. All those skills, I learnt in therapy.

As they say, sometimes you have to act "as if."

I'll admit it is exhausting to be so controlled all the time. My closest friends have no idea I struggle. They think I'm the most together, confident, assertive, accomplished person they've met. I really should become an actor because I can put on a very convincing show! (One second thought, I'd suck as an actor because I am incapable of displaying emotion. I stuff everything. I haven't cried in probably 25 years. And I've never let my guard down in therapy.)

 

[nursenurse]

Putting on your happy face works for life's annoyances that aren't worth stressing over. This is more. If I could just find my magic wand.....

You have a lot of insight into yourself, and the fact that you are here shows that you know you need more than a stiff upper lip :) I hope others here are able to suggest other methods of coping for you, otherwise it will be such a hard road for you to travel, and I really would be afraid for you and your relationship.

Emotional pain is just as damaging as physical injuries. Again, at least consider making a game plan with your T before you call it quits altogether. You are carrying much too heavy a burden by yourself, I am not sure why you were not able to open up to your T, whether it is a trust issue, or whether you feel that what you are dealing with is so horrible that no one will understand. You are among friends here, regardless, I hope you find some solace here and a means of expressing yourself safely.