Sometimes Therapy Is Not The Answer

[Animalliberator]

Over the years I've always chosen the more "healthy" addictions to cope with PTSD and mental illness. I say "healthy" with a bit of humor, obviously. Before I got married I used sex to escape. I was also a workaholic. Music has also been a great escape for me.

None of those escapes has healed the big wound. They've only been a band-aid.

 

[cherryblossom]

It sounds like you are trying to please everyone else, by appearing to be strong, rather than looking after your own needs.

Again, from my own experiences, I don't think this can last forever. The longer you live the lie, the bigger the fall is likely to be.

Honestly, my opinion is that you do need help from someone, whether that's someone in your personal life, or a professional, I don't know. Like I said before, it took me years to find the right therapist for me, and that could be the same for you. Despite your trust in your latest therapist, she might not be right for you in that she doesn't have the experience of helping someone with complex trauma.

I know only too well how difficult it is to start over with a new therapist, and re-cover old ground, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it.

It's great that you have chosen healthy addictions over harmful ones, but it's still not a long term solution, and that is what you need to find, to have a healthy and happy future.

No-one here can say what's right for you - we can only share our experiences. You can take or leave what might help you.

Finding the right therapist for me made such a huge difference to my life. It was an horrendously difficult process, over 12 months, but my life is so much better now.

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey AL,

Well... I hate therapy. I'm still going and I'm seeing a very good trauma therapist... but in a way, I've found the most helpful things have been things I've been doing on my own. That being said, I'm still very much in the middle of the process (I was just diagnosed officially with PTSD from complex childhood trauma in September of 2013) and y'know, time will tell if anything I've done is really effective.

I've been kinda where you are... I had a different persona for dealing with work, dealing with family, dealing with friends, etc. I was the consummate actress and highly respected in all of those areas. But that's unsustainable. You can only do that for so long and it takes up A LOT of energy. Emotions can only be buried so long... they'll come back up sooner or later, usually when you least want them to. The longer you go without directly dealing with PTSD, the worse it gets. These are just the facts of PTSD. So... really, I'm only repeating what I've had to tell myself over and over... bad coping mechanisms are just that... BAD coping mechanisms. They're called that because while they work, they don't work long term, they're detrimental to your health and they don't ever get the monkey off your back... that is, that don't actually resolve any trauma.

So... I mean, I am DEFINITELY no expert, but there are a lot of things that you can do even without a therapist to improve your life and deal with your trauma. What I'm finding, very much, is because my trauma started at age 2-1/2, that my biggest problems are related to not having one good enough parent around, having an undefined sense of self, lacking internal opinions and motivations (being a people pleaser, basing my responses, pretty much my whole persona, on who I'm talking to, etc.) and dealing with childhood neglect. That stuff is all extremely hard to deal with, and I'm not sure it can be successfully dealt with without a therapist. And while the straight forward stuff... dealing with trauma, can actually be done on your own, I think, it's so totally fraught with peril. Dealing with all of those emotions and terrible situations... it can cause serious depression, suicidal thoughts, outbursts of emotion, etc. You can definitely lose your way during the process. And the plain fact of the matter is... it's best to have someone there to keep you on track and give you perspective. That's where a therapist comes in.

Anyways... the number one thing you can do at this point (without therapy)... is to just educate yourself. Read, read, read about PTSD. This forum is awesome, there's lots of good information on the web, there are lots of good books. If you can't do therapy, then don't do therapy right now. I really, really do understand the $$$ issue. But, well... I'm not good at tough love or anything, I'm just trying to give you the facts... you can't bury PTSD forever, the amount of energy it takes is unsustainable. Sooner or later, something has to give. And the longer you wait to deal with it, the worse it gets.

I really hope this helps. This is a subject where I have a lot of opinions. It's a complicated subject... and well, I'm so prone to really long responses... I hope there's something in this abbreviated response to help you. I do respect your position... hell, I've been there myself and I've made similar choices in the past.

Be well,
EverOnly

 

[digger]

There may be some helpful suggestions on this thread for you to look at https://www.myptsd.com/threads/heal...apist-looking-for-guidance.39242/#post-636693

 

[billie]

Im a climber too Animal, for nearly a decade. Unfortunately CPTSD has had a major impact on my trad and leading. You are very lucky not to have this disorder override your ability to climb. I wish you the best.

 

[Animalliberator]

I'm realizing that in a way, therapy is a crutch, perhaps even an escape, that can actually inhibit growth and confidence. We begin to think we cannot heal on our own; that without a therapist we can't find our way. But I believe each of us can find our way out of trauma without relying on a therapist. We can go it alone because we have an innate ability to heal.

So, I'm ending therapy. I can tackle PTSD and mental illness on my own. I have the strength and wisdom - as we all do - to do this myself. I've found that therapy often makes things worse anyway.

 

[Animalliberator]

Im a climber too Animal, for nearly a decade. Unfortunately CPTSD has had a major impact on my trad and leading. You are very lucky not to have this disorder override your ability to climb. I wish you the best.

Billie, sorry to hear PTSD has impacted your climbing. I began free soloing and that actually helped a bit - at least with managing my anxiety. Climbing without a rope focuses the mind. And besides, when I'm depressed I don't think I'd care if I fell. So, I'm actually more relaxed climbing without a rope. Odd really.

 

[Animalliberator]

Thank you, Everonly and Digger, for your thoughtful and helpful comments.

 

[billie]

Unfortunately my climbing pays bucks my wallet. As for free solo; Id loose my reputation. Be safe have fun.

 

[Abstract]

I think doing work of our own can be very helpful. I believe there is a limit and some things can't be done alone. I also think doing work ourselves only works if we are doing the work.

Its wonderful you find escape in climbing but escape is not a solution as you rightly said. The concern is that you are talking of just climbing as an alternative to therapy.

I needed to take time out from therapy as some parts of it made me crumble and I couldn't gain from it. I am however working really hard educating myself and working on the parts of me that are stopping me from being able to gain from therapy.

Personally I believe we can do a lot ourselves (if we are doing the work!) but we can never go the whole way without professional help. PTSD is not like having the common cold and that is without other co-occurring conditions to complicate things.

 

[rightkindofme]

There is a noticeable amount of research indicating that people don't recover from PTSD on their own. You will need some kinds of help. I've been in therapy (on/off) for almost 30 years. I've seen 21 therapists because I believe it is good to fire therapists who aren't providing the support you need. They are service providers. You are not required to stick with a therapist who isn't helping you.

Have you heard of EMDR? You don't have to do as much talking. What PTSD symptoms are a problem for you? (Everyone is different...) And why won't you talk to your wife? Most wives want to be involved with supporting their husbands.

 

[Animalliberator]

Have you heard of EMDR? You don't have to do as much talking. What PTSD symptoms are a problem for you? (Everyone is different...) And why won't you talk to your wife? Most wives want to be involved with supporting their husbands.

Yes, I had 15 rounds of EMDR. Proved ineffective. I don't talk to my wife or any friends because I don't think burdening them is fair.

I have found that's stuffing down all my emotions often works better than therapy. I also tell myself to "just suck it up, people have far worse problems, you could be living in a war-torn country" and that stops me from whining about my life so much.

I often feel worse in therapy.