Sorry I Have Not Been Here, My Husband Finally Died At Home.

[Bilby]

Oh Gizmo. I am so deeply sorry to hear about your husband, I truly am. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

I have a shirt of his that I hug and hang onto during the times I miss him so.

When my Dad died, I did this too. It brought me comfort, for quite a long time.

I know you are in the throws of organising a lot of things, but try not to do too much at once? Take care of yourself, and allow yourself to go through all the different emotions as and when they come.

I'll be thinking of you.

B x

 

[DharmaGirl]

Gizmo, my deepest condolences! I have always admired your love and devotion to your husband during his convalescence. You are amazing. I know it must be so hard for you. We are all here for you as you have been for us. I know your husband is at peace, and I hope you can find your peace also.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Today was a very rough day. I miss my husband who he used to be. I never grieved his dementia, I only survived it. Now I am grieving very bad for the good husband I lost.

Thank all of you for you well wishes. I appreciate it so much.

You guys are simply amazing and have lifted my spirits.

I am having such a hard time living alone. He went downhill so fast.

I have been taking care of him for the past three years. Now my life has to start over. It will take time to heal. I miss him so much. He loved me so much. I am lucky to have been loved like that.

I put the registration on the car for the very first time ever. I am glad that I had so many good years with him. But I am in such pain.

I am so glad I get to spend the night at my daughters house tomorrow. I will have my grandchildren for a few days. I am looking forward to that.

I am not doing so good today.

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((((Dear Giz :inlove: )))))))))), XOX.

 

[Nicolette]

I just saw this Gizmo and don't have time to read it all but sincere condolences. Hope you are okay ((Hugs))

 

[Muzikluvr]

I too, just saw this today. I'm sorry for your loss Gizmo. I know it is a mixed blessing. I think your latest post is such a healthy state of mind for you right now... painful, but it is focused on the reality of your situation. Losing a loved one in pieces is difficult to grieve. It will be simpler to process the grief now that he's at peace.

I put the registration on the car for the very first time ever.

These are the moments, I think, that will remind you of how well he cared for you. Your pause for gratitude may help you handle the grief and sadness when you're faced with his absence in this way.

I am glad that I had so many good years with him.

The positives are so important to hold onto and cherish because even the little things are capable of lifting our spirits away from tremendous negatives. You are very good at expressing kindness and gratitude toward others, and I hope you will speak kindly to yourself and believe in your kind words as you go through the grieving process.

Wishing you all the best, Gizmo. I'll light a candle for you.
~ Muz

 

[Sethe]

Thinking of you Gizmo and wishing you peace.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((Gizmo))))))))

 

[71nothing]

I've been thinking of you Gizmo and wondering how you were doing. So sorry to hear of your loss. You are such a caring person that I'm sure he felt loved and secure in his final days. What a wonderful gift you were able to give him in that. Please know that I'm sending positive thoughts and support your way.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am seriously thinking of moving into my daughters house. I talked to her about it today. She said we would have to sit down and talk about it.

I know it is too soon to make a decision like this. I should wait a year.

I reconnected with some old friends today. It has been three years since I spoke to them and we picked up like no time had passed.

It made me feel so good to speak and to listen to them on the phone.

My daughter was so happy and excited for me that she wanted to go with me. She was so sweet and said she did not want to impose herself but she grew up with them and their good influences. So we will go over to see them week after next.

My money is not going to last me. I have some savings and Kennys 401K. I cannot afford to stay here with the medical insurance I need to pay for. I need to get a job. I am a fifty eight year old woman with no skills to speak of. I will not be eligible for Kennys social security until I turn sixty.

I am worried and overwhelmned. I hate living by myself. I only had the illusion of having a life partner because his dementia was so advanced.

He went down hill so fast at the end. I am flooded with good memories of the life we once shared together three short years ago.

I do not know how I made it for the past three years with him. It was so hard and he said and did so many crazy things to me.

I think I just survived it and did not grieve the person I lost.

I hate living alone. It drives me crazy. I have to rebuild my life. I have to start over. This week is very good because I will see my daughter every day until Friday morning and then I will have the girls which is fun and full of life

I do not have the anxiety and the worry that I had while my husband was alive. In a big way I feel such relief that his suffering is finally over. He is with my son and the rest of his family in a better place.

I do better when I see people and I have to rebuild my life. I have to start over from scratch. I lost me and all of my interests and passions three years ago when he got diagnosed.

On some days when I am all alone, I hurt missing him. Thank you all for your support. I so appreciate all of you for being there for me at this time. I need to get back into therapy. I dread it but I know that is what I need. I need to talk about all of this that I am going through. I need to find a job. I guess I will have to go to Walmart and put an application in.

I am not skilled and I am in the throes of grief. I hurt so bad missing when I am alone day after day. I lost my life taking care of him. I need some good hope and connecting with my old friends is a very good start. She said I deserve a break for now but should think about volunteering for something.

I tried that once three years ago and I did not fit in to that place. I do not fit in here where I live. I live in a elderly mobile home park where all of the people are so very old and stay in their mobile homes all day. It is like a ghost town around here.

I hope I will be able to move into my daughters home. I will pay the mortgage to live there. My money is going to run out. I do not know if I can stretch it for two years.

I try to tell my daughter information about what to do in case I die and she does not want to think about it and does not want to think about it.

I have been busy cleaning out drawers and closets. I have gotten so much out of here, that I have been unable for the past three years.

I am sleeping good and not having nightmares which I am thankful for. My ptsd is at bay for now. I am ok. But I am not meant to live alone and I do not want to get married again. I know it is too soon to make drastic changes because time heals all things. I am healed over losing my son to a motorcycle accident.

I do not have people causing drama in my life anymore. I am surrounded by positive people. People that treat each other decently. It has taken my a lifetime to get to this place in my life.

I am grateful for this thread so I can unload it all.

 

[ms spock]

Can you get in a boarder to help pay the rent and bills and so you can have some company gizmo?

 

[ms spock]

Volunteering is a good idea, to get you out of the house and to get you to meet new people. In Australia we have volunteering organisations that you can go to and discuss what type of volunteering position you might want to get. I don't know if you have that available where you are?

Are their any social centres that you can go to gizmo?

Or any craft and art workshops you can join?

Even a film appreciation night that you can attend?

Perhaps you can look around for groups that meet weekly that have an interest that you have or would like to develop. Perhaps schedule in one per day or two per day or as you need?

Good luck. You are doing really well to be thinking all this through. It is not easy going through what you are going through at the moment.

I would suggest that you bump up as much social contact that you can get each day for awhile to help you get through this.

If this is not helpful then please know I mean well.