Still not over it- asking for help makes ne panic

[SeekingAfrica]

I had to ask for more food money. I miscalculated and my PTSD still flares the worst at lack of food. I asked the same person because that is my current option. I had been too scared to ask for more because I was too hungry and was afraid he'd say no. He agreed and s3nt it, with slight irritation not at the amount but at me asking twice. It's loan I'm repaying in a few days when I get money yet I can't get that slight irritation out of my head. It means nothing but moment's feeling, he paid me to my account as will I when I repay so we won't even meet in person.

...yet I'm having migraine and anxiety attack midday and waiting in bed until I can breathe. Already took my emergency meds for the dayand it won't be wise to take more so I'm hoping dark room and distraction would work.

Why do I do this to myself? Out of all financial mistakes,especially I've made, this is perhaps the easiest of all to get through.
But this feeling of danger when asking for help, it's awful and tangled and I'm scared of how frozen I am. I recognize being in bed as the wrong reaction yet I still can't sit up or breathe.

 

[arfie]

half a century into my recovery, i STILL suffer panic attacks when i ask for help for anything more complex than opening the door when my hands are full. and i still feel a bit more healed each time i am able to use my psychotherapy tools to get past the panic attack and swallow my slice of humble pie.

breathing with you, seeki.
for this particular scenario, i like to use the breathing technique i learned in childbirth classes back in the 80's.
hee hee hooooooooo
hee hee hooooooooo
push that baby outta there.
hee hee hooooooooo
hee hee hooooooooo

 

[Midnightmoon]

I hope the anxiety calmed and you were able to get some nourishment and rest. I'm so sorry it's so constant for you at the minute .

Tiny steps towards that end goal.

 

[Tinyflame]

@SeekingAfrica I totally get it but think of advocating for yourself as you would someone you love. Try to put the internal talk aside and just 'do'. ('Do' includes appropriate rest also). Try prioritizing your to-do list with only 1-3 items each day, or simply write down 1-3. Some things will slide temporarily that is life under stress. It doesn't mean it will be forever.

Hugs to you.