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Stop ringing the doorbell!

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Sorry @tphillips117 , we got a bit off track...
Yes @Tphillips so very sorry for interruption of thoughts re: your above post. Yes, being sensitive to noise is difficult and I too at times when upset by it - will play Deep Meditative Music - youtube for a few hours to help ground me from disruptive and unwanted noise. Again, sorry for interruption. Please forgive. Peace and Love. JadesJewel
 
Thanks guys! It's been a long and stressful few months. Between going away to a failed inpatient treatment for trauma (I was the ONLY Complex PTSD patient and everyone else on the unit was DID), and my husband with one foot out the door, I feel triggered by everything. I am so emotionally reactionary. I have come to question my feelings and my thoughts. I don't know from one minute to the next what is going to happen. I'm not sleeping because of nightmares/night terrors to which meds and therapy have not been able to reduce. I feel angry and hopeless and like I'm out of control. I have begun to take more benzos than are prescribed to me because I cannot relax enough without them. At night, I try to sleep but my muscles are stiff. And when I try to relax them, before I know it, I've stiffened up again. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no one can help me, and I have no idea how to help myself despite really, really trying. :(
 
Thanks guys! It's been a long and stressful few months. Between going away to a failed inpatient...
@tphillips117 Yes. Realizing that I (you) are human and am dealing with ptsd symptoms has helped me to take a step back for a moment and know that I am going to have days, hours, moments (weeks and even perhaps longer) that I am going to feel like I just can't take this anymore. Through trauma my brain was forever changed and I will never be the same little tiny girl whose pred. hurt and treated so horribly. And I am having to learn, just as you are now a parent - I (you) am/are having to for the first time in my life (because I was raised by wolves) learn how to self-parent. There's a little girl inside of me screaming to learn how to play again, crying because she (I) was abused, and life most days (am in emdr therapy) can be a hell on earth. You have kids? I have no children, neither of my two siblings (women) had children.

And out of control, is what my mind tells me I am - and I tell my mind to go f*** itself. I am Christian, and I am mad as hell. Cursing. Yes, I am so full of rage, yet I will not let ptsd beat my a**. They (perps) will not finish what they started with their programming of my precious little innocent mind. No. I say No.

I have been in-patient for weeks (3 1/2) at one time a long time ago; and talk about nightmares. Prolonged complex ptsd that we both are surviving through is extremely difficult especially on adults who were sexually molested as children. I do not know your past, and I am not prying, I promise. Trauma can if we allow it to - decimate our lives, and the lives of those around us. To be serious and honest here, there is no magic pill literally that will prevent me from feeling all of my trauma pain. No magic pill. Slippery slope when taking pills - be careful @tphillips117. Be very oh so careful.

Grounding techniques i.e. yoga, meditative (inner child) music - youtube has this type of music will help you to ground your mind and help alot with your stress. You need me time, and you must take it when you can, or if I don't I won't be of any good to myself much less anyone else. I care. JJ
 
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