Stopped Benzos...Just Overwhelmed.

[pandora]

Thank you everyone...feeling really sick today..my Mom is cooking turkey dinner and I am thankful for all of the positive changes...I just have to get through the next couple of days!!!!

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I'm sorry your feeling sick - I hope the turkey dinner helps. As long as you go easy on gravy and stuff it will help if you to try to eat a little.

Your doing the right thing - by reminding yourself that you just have to get through the next couple of days -

I hope it passes soon.

 

[jennifer0506]

My thoughts are with you Pandora. Stay strong, you have helped me out an awful lot on this site, and I hope that you put your own advice into good use.

Remember that you're strong, and you've got this far. You're coming off benzo is ultimately a very good thing. I'm always here to talk, vent, anything. :)

 

[pandora]

Made it through turkey dinner..feeling quite emotional. Now everything is cleaned up and I just need to make it to tomorrow morning....the withdrawal feeling...NOT FUN...chills, sweats. lethargic. I just have to say strong..coming off of the benzos and the painkillers..ultimately it is a good thing. Damn hard though!!!!

 

[suzie q]

Pandora,

How are you feeling today? Looks like you have an awful lot of support on this forum..what a good thing. Hope you are well and looking forward to life without addicting drugs in your system. I'm a recovering addict, so I understand that things can get down right crappy!! Hang on, you're doing great!!!

Love and prayers,

suzie q

 

[TLight]

Hang tight Pand........I've been thinking about you........

 

[pandora]

Thank you everyone...

I slept on and off through the night..woke up numerous times with the bed soaked and I was sweating like crazy...

My son wanted to stay home and considering he has done great and only missed one day in 6 weeks..I let him stay home. I knew he was faking because he was waiting for a new video game coming out today so I let him stay home as a reward....he has had so many positive changes and he has been going to school with no arguments at all. I am so proud of him right now...words cannot express. NOT fighting every morning (literally) about going to school has really lessened my anxiety so that is a godsend and a blessing. I just have to keep looking at his face when I think I need a painkiller or a benzo. I lived drug free ALL my life..I need to get back to that person again..I will..I have to.

So..I took my first dose of suboxone this morning. It was an interesting, embarassing situation all around. I have to see the doctor again at 3:00 today to see if the dose needs to be adjusted. Then every day I have to go to the pharmacy (I am driving 20 min to the next city in hopes of not seeing anyone that I know) after three months then they will allow me to have take home doses and I do not need to be monitored other than at the clinic two times per week. They really monitor you and that is good..I cannot slip up or I am in big trouble. I already left a message with my family doctor to put in my chart that I not allowed anymore narcotics or benzos. I am going to do this....for me.

It is very hard to be on this side of the health care system. It makes me feel like a failure. Of course the nurse practitioner...I knew her..we worked together so that was very embarassing but she was very understanding and reminded me of confidentiality. When I explained the situation and all of my troubles she even said that was alot for one person to handle. No wonder I was trying to numb out..in any way I could.

It did not help that every time I abused my medication..I swore at myself and seemed to hate myself more and more with every dose. Now...I need to be proud that I am taking the steps to recover from this part. It has been a rocky road. I hope to be back to my old self soon...now to just get through this part of the recovery process.

 

[pandora]

Now just to add to this..My Mom and I were sitting in the living room and I turned on Dr.Phil..across the screen at that very moment..big words that say..Son Addicted to OXYCONTIN!!! So my mother and I watched it..thank goodness!!! My Mom stated..look at the stress on that mothers face!!! I know I have put her through a lot..not intentionally but she really has been worried. If not for my Mother I do not know where I would be right now..the show explained how this is a disease and it becomes a family problem. I am so lucky that I have her back in my life as it was very rocky for sooooo many years. I am so grateful to have her in my life because I know she has actually saved mine right now with tough love. She will NOT live with me being on these meds..now that the pain is under control..I REALLY have no excuses. When she had her car accident..I saved her life twice. If I had not had my nursing skills and picked up on her loss of blood..she would have died and her blood pressure was so high one day if I had not threatened her with the fact that she was about to have a stroke or a heart attack..she would be dead. Anyway...for two people that fell apart when my Dad died..we certainly have come a very, very, long way. I am so grateful for that.....

I think she understands more after watching that show and telling me..noone loves you like a mother...For so many years I thought she just hated me. Now....this is all I need and I have someone that loves me. She really has changed and so have I. I guess this is the circle of life. In the rehab program..they also do family therapy. I clam up and feel like crying when we talk about hard things and she just shuts off totally so I really hope they can help us to communicate more effectively. This aspect of my life is and has really changed...Everything happens for a reason..I just have to keep telling myself that i just need to keep taking it one day at a time. I have to keep focusing on good and positive and not negative..keep my head clear and maybe one day I will truly feel happy.

 

[CCurry]

Hi Pandora,

I just watched that Dr. Phil episode too. I'm glad you're mom and you were able to watch it together. Dr. Phil has a way of making people understand what's behind the problem.

I hope your managing a lot better!

Carmela

 

[skyp56]

Pandora, Congrats on the continued success with the benzos. You are so brave!

I know when it comes time for me to get off xanax, I'm gonna be a puddle in a corner somewhere. And it doesn't help break addictions when family dynamics are messed up, so I feel for you there.

Keep on hanging in there, you're doing great!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[pandora]

Day two..no bed sweats last night. I take my suboxone again today at 12:00 and I am managing better than I coud have expected....I feel a bit nauseated and some bowel cramps but my son went to school and I get to go back to bed...whoo hoo!! Quiet time..I have to see the doctor tomorrow and he is going to increase it again and then we go from there. I feel like it is going to be a good day and I am feeling pretty optimistic about this whole process.

 

[pandora]

skyp56..I honestly did not think I would be able to come off the benzos..I did it. I deep breathe a lot and try to keep the stress down to a minimum (if that is possible) ...Never say never...