Someone mentioned churches too, did you try that avenue?
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Someone mentioned churches too, did you try that avenue?
- Post starter
- #50
D
Deleted member 29899
Wow, can't believe it!
I called the shrinks office who's been ignoring me, this is in regards to the only doc in town who does the transcranail magnetic thing. I called them and they've got me booked in less than 2 weeks! Unbelievable. The waiting list to see this guy is little under a year, but they booked me in. Can't believe it, I'm so excited but I'm trying NOT to be excited because I really get my hopes up that finally THIS form of therapy ( whatever form of therapy it has been) will be the magic bullet to restore me. Now- here's the sick suicidal voice inside of me thinking, "Well it's two weeks away, that'll force me into staying alive for 2 more weeks and I'm not happy about that". That's what the suicidal thinking is like, it's always there. I know it's not right, yet there's hope that it might help me.
I've been thinking though that there are so so many things (problems/issues) in my life and they're all overlapping and tangled together that it's just too big a mess to untangle it all... Money, not sleeping, agoraphobia (this severely depresses me), money, isolation/loneliness and the list goes on...
I'm really starting to think that I have serious social problems, I don't know how to make friends anymore, dying of loneliness... Really have walls up because of being traumatized growing up.. Maybe part of the social problems and making friends is that I really believe I'm worthless. Seriously. This seems to have been pounded into my brain growing up and also with my entire lifetime relationship with my only parent, it's been pounded into my brain. Mind you there were times that I didn't feel worthless like when I was a wife and mother... I suppose when I was needed and loved I feel like I was worth something...
The deep underlying thought though I this is 'when they find out who I really am they won't want to be around me. When thy find out how worthless I am..' That fits into Avoidant Personality Disorder which I think I have but have not yet had the opportunity to discuss this with someone professional.. Either way, I am dying without human interaction...
I have to stop, I'm rambling. I ramble because I'm so damn isolated. Just needed to post that I'm getting in to se transcranial dude. Someone here mentioned that this therapy helped them with being chronically suicidal. Hope it works. Please hope or pray for me. Thanks.
I called the shrinks office who's been ignoring me, this is in regards to the only doc in town who does the transcranail magnetic thing. I called them and they've got me booked in less than 2 weeks! Unbelievable. The waiting list to see this guy is little under a year, but they booked me in. Can't believe it, I'm so excited but I'm trying NOT to be excited because I really get my hopes up that finally THIS form of therapy ( whatever form of therapy it has been) will be the magic bullet to restore me. Now- here's the sick suicidal voice inside of me thinking, "Well it's two weeks away, that'll force me into staying alive for 2 more weeks and I'm not happy about that". That's what the suicidal thinking is like, it's always there. I know it's not right, yet there's hope that it might help me.
I've been thinking though that there are so so many things (problems/issues) in my life and they're all overlapping and tangled together that it's just too big a mess to untangle it all... Money, not sleeping, agoraphobia (this severely depresses me), money, isolation/loneliness and the list goes on...
I'm really starting to think that I have serious social problems, I don't know how to make friends anymore, dying of loneliness... Really have walls up because of being traumatized growing up.. Maybe part of the social problems and making friends is that I really believe I'm worthless. Seriously. This seems to have been pounded into my brain growing up and also with my entire lifetime relationship with my only parent, it's been pounded into my brain. Mind you there were times that I didn't feel worthless like when I was a wife and mother... I suppose when I was needed and loved I feel like I was worth something...
The deep underlying thought though I this is 'when they find out who I really am they won't want to be around me. When thy find out how worthless I am..' That fits into Avoidant Personality Disorder which I think I have but have not yet had the opportunity to discuss this with someone professional.. Either way, I am dying without human interaction...
I have to stop, I'm rambling. I ramble because I'm so damn isolated. Just needed to post that I'm getting in to se transcranial dude. Someone here mentioned that this therapy helped them with being chronically suicidal. Hope it works. Please hope or pray for me. Thanks.
FANTASTIC!!!! I'm so happy and excited for you! :D:D:D:D:D
I think you've just got so much going on right now that you can't see the forest for the trees. I'm sure given time (you're favorite thing) things will start to chill, one by one, and your burden will get a little lighter every time. You're already making friends here. No, we're not physically sitting on your couch drinking tea, but trust me, online friendships can be extremely powerful things - somehow even surpassing in person meetings. Not sure how or why; Could be that people are more open and honest about themselves...or, contrarily, maybe they're more friendly because they get to pretend they are who they wish they really were. They have more time to be available on the internet because it's 10 minutes many times a day, whereas, going out to dinner wouldn't be doable nearly as often. Not to mention the pool of finding someone like-minded just got extended over the entire planet rather than casting your net over a few square blocks!
Oh yes, my very best friends with whom I have the strongest connections have been made over the internet. Been talking to some for about 13 years.
What I'm saying is that you're getting that human connection you long for right now. Maybe not as strong yet as you want it, but it will get there.:)
I think you've just got so much going on right now that you can't see the forest for the trees. I'm sure given time (you're favorite thing) things will start to chill, one by one, and your burden will get a little lighter every time. You're already making friends here. No, we're not physically sitting on your couch drinking tea, but trust me, online friendships can be extremely powerful things - somehow even surpassing in person meetings. Not sure how or why; Could be that people are more open and honest about themselves...or, contrarily, maybe they're more friendly because they get to pretend they are who they wish they really were. They have more time to be available on the internet because it's 10 minutes many times a day, whereas, going out to dinner wouldn't be doable nearly as often. Not to mention the pool of finding someone like-minded just got extended over the entire planet rather than casting your net over a few square blocks!
Oh yes, my very best friends with whom I have the strongest connections have been made over the internet. Been talking to some for about 13 years.
What I'm saying is that you're getting that human connection you long for right now. Maybe not as strong yet as you want it, but it will get there.:)
joeylittle
Sponsor
That was me :) - and it really did. I'm very excited that you got in. There are the bonus fringe benefits of actually getting the treatment, which puts you in a room with a person. Talking is kind of ridiculous, but you figure out how to do it after awhile.
In the US the protocol is 4 weeks, but I know they do it faster in Canada. Feel free to ask me if you have any specific questions about the procedure that come up. You can also find good videos on YouTube that show you what it's like.
- Post starter
- #53
D
Deleted member 29899
Thanks Peach. I hope to make some online friends if all goes well, even if not. if people can tolerate me.
Joeylittle- so do they do it once a week or every couple days? Can you explain to me (either here or pm) exactly how you might have felt a change afterwards or what that change was? Usually I'm pretty good at imagining how certain things work and unfold psychologically, but I can't figure this one out. Read about the procedure but that didn't enlighten me.
Joeylittle- so do they do it once a week or every couple days? Can you explain to me (either here or pm) exactly how you might have felt a change afterwards or what that change was? Usually I'm pretty good at imagining how certain things work and unfold psychologically, but I can't figure this one out. Read about the procedure but that didn't enlighten me.
- Post starter
- #54
D
Deleted member 29920
I am glad you will be getting the help you need and deserve, imok. :hug:
- Post starter
- #55
D
Deleted member 29899
I just hope it helps Cj77. You never know but I'm hoping.
Imok,
I hear ya... I have he same sleep problems - i am not working because I had to leave my job of 10 years because i could not get sleep
and I was getting more and more confused and getting further behind in my work. I had neck & shoulder pain and stomach pain that
when I was able to fall asleep it would wake me at 3am. The lack of sleep would and does like slip me further into the dispair.
I too have isolation issues - spend most my in my apartment - afraid to take out the trash if i see someone outside. I have issues
with talking on the phone, so I don't call people and I don't know how to talk with them when they, if ever call me - I have no
communication with my mother, or brothers - I have superficial 'friends' on facebook that I will never meet.
I feel trapped inside - alone even though I live with a mate. There is some distrust of his intentions. I want to trust people but
feel I can't - not that they would physically hurt me - but talking behind my back, cheating, intentions, motives. I think I am
better off leaving this world - still do.. but have o give myself the benefit of doubt that maybe maybe they he and my son
want me here - but there is that voice saying they want me here to use me
Money - i can't get on disability - Was told that I am only qualified for a week of disability when I had a primary care
doctor before March 1st. Then my insurance was canceled and all the visits to the psychologist for treatment does not
count But i was not approved for Medi-Cal to see primary care doctor until May 1st but the soonest appointment i
could get was June 3rd - so he period between March 1st and June 3rd I am shit out of luck. meanwhile my mate
has not made effort to work so i been draining my savings. I told him three weeks ago when my savings gets to $5K I will leave.
(see what I mean why i don't trust him). I am grind my teeth constantly wondering how am i going to get back
in he workforce with my issues - i would like o get a job i don't need to use the phone. I don't want to deal with
people too much because I don't want them to notice my weaknesses. At the same time, I wish I was back to
who I was before all these nightmares, lack of sleep, fear of people and phones. It drives me mad I use to be able
to do things and be a person free and enjoyed life and no afraid to drive distances.
Last week a friend and former co-worker died giving birth to a healthy baby boy - We went to her viewing - I had to
I made her a music tape and sent flowers - the other co-workers were glad to see me - but I was afraid
and very sad - especially that i did not even go to the baby shower two months prior because i was afraid.
now i have that guilt for not seeing her for that but here I am after she died. what kind of friend was I?
I hear ya.... and i understand.
I hear ya... I have he same sleep problems - i am not working because I had to leave my job of 10 years because i could not get sleep
and I was getting more and more confused and getting further behind in my work. I had neck & shoulder pain and stomach pain that
when I was able to fall asleep it would wake me at 3am. The lack of sleep would and does like slip me further into the dispair.
I too have isolation issues - spend most my in my apartment - afraid to take out the trash if i see someone outside. I have issues
with talking on the phone, so I don't call people and I don't know how to talk with them when they, if ever call me - I have no
communication with my mother, or brothers - I have superficial 'friends' on facebook that I will never meet.
I feel trapped inside - alone even though I live with a mate. There is some distrust of his intentions. I want to trust people but
feel I can't - not that they would physically hurt me - but talking behind my back, cheating, intentions, motives. I think I am
better off leaving this world - still do.. but have o give myself the benefit of doubt that maybe maybe they he and my son
want me here - but there is that voice saying they want me here to use me
Money - i can't get on disability - Was told that I am only qualified for a week of disability when I had a primary care
doctor before March 1st. Then my insurance was canceled and all the visits to the psychologist for treatment does not
count But i was not approved for Medi-Cal to see primary care doctor until May 1st but the soonest appointment i
could get was June 3rd - so he period between March 1st and June 3rd I am shit out of luck. meanwhile my mate
has not made effort to work so i been draining my savings. I told him three weeks ago when my savings gets to $5K I will leave.
(see what I mean why i don't trust him). I am grind my teeth constantly wondering how am i going to get back
in he workforce with my issues - i would like o get a job i don't need to use the phone. I don't want to deal with
people too much because I don't want them to notice my weaknesses. At the same time, I wish I was back to
who I was before all these nightmares, lack of sleep, fear of people and phones. It drives me mad I use to be able
to do things and be a person free and enjoyed life and no afraid to drive distances.
Last week a friend and former co-worker died giving birth to a healthy baby boy - We went to her viewing - I had to
I made her a music tape and sent flowers - the other co-workers were glad to see me - but I was afraid
and very sad - especially that i did not even go to the baby shower two months prior because i was afraid.
now i have that guilt for not seeing her for that but here I am after she died. what kind of friend was I?
I hear ya.... and i understand.
- Post starter
- #57
D
Deleted member 29899
Yesterday and today/tonight are particularly bad. I knew waking today that I would see no one and talk to no one... I don't know why it's worse though, it's always like that. And tomorrow as well. I'm afraid to wake up because I know I won't talk to a soul. I know that no one gives a damn anymore. It's been sort of like a 'dead calm'. Some might understand that, most won't. It's when you know you're screwed. All is quiet. Everything has stopped. Everything has been destroyed.
The reality of this financial thing is upon me. I got a text message that my tv will be cut off. When you live alone and have NO one, a TV is almost vital to some of us. Even when I'm not watching it, just to hear the lull of the voices from it... But even when I have hours to kill the pain at night I'll watch t.v. To distract myself... it gets me out of my head if the show is interesting enough. I can't concentrate enough to read. Even a lot of these threads on here, I just can't do it. So I can't imagine the silence and craziness once the TV goes. I'll be sitting here staring ahead at the wall.
I try to get out everyday but there's no where to go anymore. The loneliness is a killer even when I'm in the middle of Walmart.
I've sat and tried to figure out... if I have/get enough money to pay one bill, which will it be? The lights and water. I need water. I could use candles at night and the sun during the day but I can't go without water or the toilet, besides if I don't have electricity then I don't have the Internet or TV... but then again I won't have the $ for the Internet or TV as well... But then again I don't have the money for the lights and water to begin with! I've thought for the past two years, the day that I run out of money to live, I'm done. I'm terrified. I expect this week the lights and water and gas will be cut off. As well as the t.v. And I guess my phone and Internet too. Oh my God. I can't breathe. I have $45. I guess that'll be for food and gas until then. There is no food right now.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Sunday's are hell because people are with their families on Sunday's or having fun on Sunday's with people they care about. I don't want to be awake tomorrow, I just want it to go away. The only thing that I have to 'look forward to' is the appt with the transcranial shrink but who am I kidding? Like he's going to solve my problems? Give me water to wash my hair with or a friend or a frickin' sandwich? Oh God how did this happen to me?
My spirit is utterly exhausted.
The reality of this financial thing is upon me. I got a text message that my tv will be cut off. When you live alone and have NO one, a TV is almost vital to some of us. Even when I'm not watching it, just to hear the lull of the voices from it... But even when I have hours to kill the pain at night I'll watch t.v. To distract myself... it gets me out of my head if the show is interesting enough. I can't concentrate enough to read. Even a lot of these threads on here, I just can't do it. So I can't imagine the silence and craziness once the TV goes. I'll be sitting here staring ahead at the wall.
I try to get out everyday but there's no where to go anymore. The loneliness is a killer even when I'm in the middle of Walmart.
I've sat and tried to figure out... if I have/get enough money to pay one bill, which will it be? The lights and water. I need water. I could use candles at night and the sun during the day but I can't go without water or the toilet, besides if I don't have electricity then I don't have the Internet or TV... but then again I won't have the $ for the Internet or TV as well... But then again I don't have the money for the lights and water to begin with! I've thought for the past two years, the day that I run out of money to live, I'm done. I'm terrified. I expect this week the lights and water and gas will be cut off. As well as the t.v. And I guess my phone and Internet too. Oh my God. I can't breathe. I have $45. I guess that'll be for food and gas until then. There is no food right now.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Sunday's are hell because people are with their families on Sunday's or having fun on Sunday's with people they care about. I don't want to be awake tomorrow, I just want it to go away. The only thing that I have to 'look forward to' is the appt with the transcranial shrink but who am I kidding? Like he's going to solve my problems? Give me water to wash my hair with or a friend or a frickin' sandwich? Oh God how did this happen to me?
My spirit is utterly exhausted.
You mentioned a daughter before. What is stopping you from calling her? If you're worried about being a burden - don't! You didn't grow up with a good example of what a family is supposed to be like, but I'm telling you, "you do for family." Do anything they need, even if you don't really like them, you love them, so you do it anyway. I would be horrified to know my mom didn't have the basic necessities, let alone was starving for contact.
- Post starter
- #59
D
DylanS
Hey there -
I don't post to PTSD support much anymore. For me, it's rather like finding out one has Type 1 diabetes: at first there are a lot of crises, a lot of searches on what to do, how to handle it, get support, change lifestyle, etc. Then, after years and years of it, it's become more a chronic condition I deal with, with occasional flares of crises. For me, unfortunately, it's never too far in the background. The treatment refractory symptoms continue, despite everything.
Nevertheless, I saw your post and I resonated with your suffering. I relate, as someone posted, to being suicidally obsessed to comfort myself with the knowledge that, if it got too bad to bear, I had a way out. However, it sounds like your focus is not of that type, that your suffering really is that unbearable to you. I can hear the despair trying to win against the person that still exists within you wanting to live - if you didn't have the person in you wanting to live, you wouldn't be here, reaching out, trying to find some relief. So, there's that. You do WANT to live. Just 'how to do it', how to move up out of the swamp from here, eh?
For me, there wasn't a path that led straight out of the darkness into the sun. And, what's harder (hardest?) is that I didn't even have a glimmer I was ON a path. But I was. Just living, breathing in and out, making those efforts to get support/help (therapist, posting on boards) was honoring the will to live in me, the fight that was left, though it felt truly like there was none left. It was excrutiatingly slow, but it did get lighter, slower than a thousand nights coming into down, so slow that I didn't even SEE that it was getting lighter, and I often despaired. But lighter it did get. It did. And it does. It will for you, too. It will.
I don't post to PTSD support much anymore. For me, it's rather like finding out one has Type 1 diabetes: at first there are a lot of crises, a lot of searches on what to do, how to handle it, get support, change lifestyle, etc. Then, after years and years of it, it's become more a chronic condition I deal with, with occasional flares of crises. For me, unfortunately, it's never too far in the background. The treatment refractory symptoms continue, despite everything.
Nevertheless, I saw your post and I resonated with your suffering. I relate, as someone posted, to being suicidally obsessed to comfort myself with the knowledge that, if it got too bad to bear, I had a way out. However, it sounds like your focus is not of that type, that your suffering really is that unbearable to you. I can hear the despair trying to win against the person that still exists within you wanting to live - if you didn't have the person in you wanting to live, you wouldn't be here, reaching out, trying to find some relief. So, there's that. You do WANT to live. Just 'how to do it', how to move up out of the swamp from here, eh?
For me, there wasn't a path that led straight out of the darkness into the sun. And, what's harder (hardest?) is that I didn't even have a glimmer I was ON a path. But I was. Just living, breathing in and out, making those efforts to get support/help (therapist, posting on boards) was honoring the will to live in me, the fight that was left, though it felt truly like there was none left. It was excrutiatingly slow, but it did get lighter, slower than a thousand nights coming into down, so slow that I didn't even SEE that it was getting lighter, and I often despaired. But lighter it did get. It did. And it does. It will for you, too. It will.
- Post starter
- #60
I
icare2
Hey IMOK, I really hope you see this before you lose access to the internet.
I've been through it too. I ran out of money and got evicted and ultimately lost all of my stuff.
But I got through it. I survived it. You can too.
Yes, I still have suicidal thoughts. But they are only thoughts, not actions. I find that I prefer being alive. It's only when you lose perspective that you see no way out, that you would choose to not be alive.
Go listen to some birds, watch the squirrels playing in the park, see how carefree they are?
Life can get better. You may not feel like it, you may be totally overwhelmed with pain. But you can endure it. I know, because I have been to the very depths of despair many times. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what, you just keep going, one step at a time. It gets better.
There is so much beauty in this world, find it. Just looking at beautiful things will make you feel better.
But number one is that you have got to eat. If you are hungry it affects your thoughts and emotions.
I don't know about canada. but in the usa we have food banks from the community, we have food stamps from the government, we have the salvation army and similar organizations.
now, I am not a fan of religion. I've done the research, and christianity is all based on lies. But there are some really wonderful people who are in those churches. People who believe in helping others.
There are some great documentaries about christianity on youtube. Start with 'The Empty Cross' and then check out the related links. You can't afford a tv? no problem, youtube has thousands of interesting programs and music videos. You could never watch everything that is available. They even have movies. There are also places like vimo and hulu that have even more things to watch. forget paying for cable tv there is a mountain of free/ad supported content available on the internet.
You can't afford the internet? is your computer a laptop? then no problem, there are lots of places that offer free wifi. How about getting a $1 burger and a $1 cup of coffee at McDonalds and using their free wifi. Have you checked out the library? All the ones around here have free wifi. If you don't have a laptop, then some libraries have computers that you can use for free, you just need to have a headset or earphones. The library here sells earphones for $1.
I'm guessing that you are a woman... there ought to be some womans shelters which besides offering you a place to sleep, can connect you with all sorts of other resources.
Thanks to obama care I am now getting help from a trauma therapist for free. obama care was supposedly modeled on the canada healthcare system, so you ought to be able to get some free healthcare too. Even before obama care there was some free medical care available here.
yes, there are a lot of rotten people in this world. humans can be very predatory and indifferent to others. But guess what there are also a lot of wonderful people in this world too, you just have to find them.
you say that you have great difficulty talking to people? well so do I. when I was in school I got bullied so much that I grew up being very afraid of people because I never knew who was going to attack me next.
But I eventually found there are people who are nice. in fact it turns out that the bullies are in the minority, especially among adults.
The way I met people is I picked something that I like to do, and then I found a club, a group of people who also liked to do that thing and had gathered together because they enjoy talking about it and sharing their interest. there are lots and lots of different groups out there for pretty much any subject you can imagine. some charge dues but many are free or by donation.
the other thing I wonder about when you talk about how hard it is to make friends. is that as a result of getting therapy for ptsd, it was discovered that I also have high functioning autism. and that is a big part of the reason I have so much difficulty dealing with other people. so you might want to look into that, maybe you have it too.
seek out the beauty in life and you won't want to leave it. the world is a beautiful place despite the ugly parts.
You can survive being homeless and losing everything. I know it won't seem that way. it will feel like the whole world is caving in on you. But just take one day at a time. The way that a long distance runner gets though the race is not by focusing on the end point, they get through it by saying to themselves, see that rock up ahead, I know I can make it to that place. then they find another rock or another tree. they keep picking out small achievable goals and they reach each one, they do it one at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time. and that is how they finish the race.
I know this works, I know that being homeless and losing everything is survivable. Because I have been though it and I have done it and I am still alive even though there were many times when I thought that I wouldn't make it, that I just couldn't go any further. when that happens, you just need to rest for a bit and know that 'this too shall pass' and then you just focus on taking the next step, and then the next. don't try to think too far ahead, that can become overwhelming. just keep your focus on the taking the next small step and you can make it.
please let us know how you are doing. you can make it.
you do have friends. all these people on this forum hear your pain and they want to offer you encouragement.
I've never even posted here before, just found this thread by happenstance and felt the need to respond. I heard your pain and I know it well, because I have been there. I too have walked through those pits of despair and I wanted to reach out to you and reassure you that even if you lose everything -- which I did do -- that you can still survive it. It's mostly a matter of getting perspective. Things don't matter, stuff can be replaced. Beauty matters, Love matters, those are the things that are truly important. Everything else is just a convenience or a distraction. anything physical can be replaced.
get out of your house, go find something beautiful to look at. and go locate a shelter that will let you sleep there. There are shelters out there. But if that doesn't work for you, buy a sleeping bag -- down here fredmyer sells some for $10 -- and find some large cardboard boxes, get some large trash bags too, the 33 gallon size, these things will provide you with shelter enough to survive. go find some free food too, it is also out there, you just have to locate it. sometimes a restaurant will give you some free food especially if it is near the end of the day and they would be throwing it away anyhow. Offer to sweep their floor or help them cleanup and they will be a lot more willing to feed you, they might even offer you a job.
Sending you Loving Thoughts and Wishing you Much Success.
I've been through it too. I ran out of money and got evicted and ultimately lost all of my stuff.
But I got through it. I survived it. You can too.
Yes, I still have suicidal thoughts. But they are only thoughts, not actions. I find that I prefer being alive. It's only when you lose perspective that you see no way out, that you would choose to not be alive.
Go listen to some birds, watch the squirrels playing in the park, see how carefree they are?
Life can get better. You may not feel like it, you may be totally overwhelmed with pain. But you can endure it. I know, because I have been to the very depths of despair many times. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what, you just keep going, one step at a time. It gets better.
There is so much beauty in this world, find it. Just looking at beautiful things will make you feel better.
But number one is that you have got to eat. If you are hungry it affects your thoughts and emotions.
I don't know about canada. but in the usa we have food banks from the community, we have food stamps from the government, we have the salvation army and similar organizations.
now, I am not a fan of religion. I've done the research, and christianity is all based on lies. But there are some really wonderful people who are in those churches. People who believe in helping others.
There are some great documentaries about christianity on youtube. Start with 'The Empty Cross' and then check out the related links. You can't afford a tv? no problem, youtube has thousands of interesting programs and music videos. You could never watch everything that is available. They even have movies. There are also places like vimo and hulu that have even more things to watch. forget paying for cable tv there is a mountain of free/ad supported content available on the internet.
You can't afford the internet? is your computer a laptop? then no problem, there are lots of places that offer free wifi. How about getting a $1 burger and a $1 cup of coffee at McDonalds and using their free wifi. Have you checked out the library? All the ones around here have free wifi. If you don't have a laptop, then some libraries have computers that you can use for free, you just need to have a headset or earphones. The library here sells earphones for $1.
I'm guessing that you are a woman... there ought to be some womans shelters which besides offering you a place to sleep, can connect you with all sorts of other resources.
Thanks to obama care I am now getting help from a trauma therapist for free. obama care was supposedly modeled on the canada healthcare system, so you ought to be able to get some free healthcare too. Even before obama care there was some free medical care available here.
yes, there are a lot of rotten people in this world. humans can be very predatory and indifferent to others. But guess what there are also a lot of wonderful people in this world too, you just have to find them.
you say that you have great difficulty talking to people? well so do I. when I was in school I got bullied so much that I grew up being very afraid of people because I never knew who was going to attack me next.
But I eventually found there are people who are nice. in fact it turns out that the bullies are in the minority, especially among adults.
The way I met people is I picked something that I like to do, and then I found a club, a group of people who also liked to do that thing and had gathered together because they enjoy talking about it and sharing their interest. there are lots and lots of different groups out there for pretty much any subject you can imagine. some charge dues but many are free or by donation.
the other thing I wonder about when you talk about how hard it is to make friends. is that as a result of getting therapy for ptsd, it was discovered that I also have high functioning autism. and that is a big part of the reason I have so much difficulty dealing with other people. so you might want to look into that, maybe you have it too.
seek out the beauty in life and you won't want to leave it. the world is a beautiful place despite the ugly parts.
You can survive being homeless and losing everything. I know it won't seem that way. it will feel like the whole world is caving in on you. But just take one day at a time. The way that a long distance runner gets though the race is not by focusing on the end point, they get through it by saying to themselves, see that rock up ahead, I know I can make it to that place. then they find another rock or another tree. they keep picking out small achievable goals and they reach each one, they do it one at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time. and that is how they finish the race.
I know this works, I know that being homeless and losing everything is survivable. Because I have been though it and I have done it and I am still alive even though there were many times when I thought that I wouldn't make it, that I just couldn't go any further. when that happens, you just need to rest for a bit and know that 'this too shall pass' and then you just focus on taking the next step, and then the next. don't try to think too far ahead, that can become overwhelming. just keep your focus on the taking the next small step and you can make it.
please let us know how you are doing. you can make it.
you do have friends. all these people on this forum hear your pain and they want to offer you encouragement.
I've never even posted here before, just found this thread by happenstance and felt the need to respond. I heard your pain and I know it well, because I have been there. I too have walked through those pits of despair and I wanted to reach out to you and reassure you that even if you lose everything -- which I did do -- that you can still survive it. It's mostly a matter of getting perspective. Things don't matter, stuff can be replaced. Beauty matters, Love matters, those are the things that are truly important. Everything else is just a convenience or a distraction. anything physical can be replaced.
get out of your house, go find something beautiful to look at. and go locate a shelter that will let you sleep there. There are shelters out there. But if that doesn't work for you, buy a sleeping bag -- down here fredmyer sells some for $10 -- and find some large cardboard boxes, get some large trash bags too, the 33 gallon size, these things will provide you with shelter enough to survive. go find some free food too, it is also out there, you just have to locate it. sometimes a restaurant will give you some free food especially if it is near the end of the day and they would be throwing it away anyhow. Offer to sweep their floor or help them cleanup and they will be a lot more willing to feed you, they might even offer you a job.
Sending you Loving Thoughts and Wishing you Much Success.
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