T Asking Me To Imagine Hurting Abuser?

[Mammo]

Hi...

Bear with me...

In the last session I had with my T...he was asking me to literally imagine, re-enacting an abusive situation that happened at home when I was a kid (I used the example of the first time my father hit my mother).

He was trying to get me to imagine, getting him back, such as screaming back at him, hitting him or something.

I found this really confronting, and couldn't do it, so instead he asked me to imagine what someone else (like a criminal) would do to my Dad in that situation.

I imagine he was trying to get me to feel angry. But I found this really full on in a number of ways:
- I don't like violence, I'm not a violent person. Never hurt anyone.
- My Dad was violent, and I try to avoid being like him.
- Irrespective of the things that happened, I still love my family, so the idea of wanting to hurt them, or even imagining doing so, is upsetting.

Has anyone else had similar "experiment" in therapy? Do you think he is trying to make me get angry, or is it potentially something else? Is this remotely useful? I find it upsetting.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I don't like that. I'd be worried if I got triggered or in a similar situation I would resort to this new way of reacting. Being violent wouldn't have been the answer, would have just got you beaten too. So why think of that? And it is triggering you back to that memory really how do you feel after that, it would upset me for days.

 

[Mammo]

Hi @Lizio - I don't think his aim was to try and get me to actually be violent (uh...least i hope not, ha!) I think it was about "feeling" angry - which I something I don't really do well apparently. I think this is part of the "somatic experiencing" stuff????

Totally agree...certainly never an option in real life!!

p.s. on a complete aside, my daughter thinks your picture is "Merida" from "Brave" - this is very much meant as a compliment.

 

[:-)]

I think he wants you to learn how to stand up for yourself and be more confrontational. It's ok to be against violence and not want to physically fight back, so how about verbally fighting back? I think confrontation is a good skill to possess because without it one sets themselves up for further victimization as it goes hand in hand with assertiveness and boundary setting. I advise that you talk to your T about not physically fighting back, but rather being assertive, telling him "No!", his behavior is unacceptable, it hurt you, etc. This way you can stand up for yourself AND take the high road! And that sounds pretty awesome to me.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Ha - guess there is a similarity. No it is Boudica.

I knew he wasn't asking you to act out, but I just think if you have that image of fighting then it could get in your head when you are triggered, to actually react like that. Maybe not. I just wouldn't like it. I could imagine hitting my mother, but since I am a victim of DV and can see my ex punching me it would trigger me to that memory and since I don't think there is any excuse for violence it just would seem so wrong. I could imagine running to the Police and the Police coming and arresting her and him and putting them in jail for the rest of their lives and I would live with my grandparents. Yes.

Sad I do imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't ignored my grandmother in her last days and been there for her. That just tears me apart. And my sister. I just don't think it would work for me. Bring out all sorts of issues.

 

[Mammo]

I think he wants you to learn how to stand up for yourself and be more confrontational. It's ok to be against violence and...

Hi, thanks for this. Perhaps this was partly it...but he knows that I am assertive, and have no issue confronting this...e.g. in "real life" I confronted my father re: his continued violence against my mother, which was terrifying but worth it.

So, my T knows I'm capable on that front...but it's the "anger" front, feeling it, and unleashing it...that he seemed to be trying to bring out through essentially fantasising about violence..?!