Temper issues

[Lost in the Woods]

I have been really losing it lately. This has been going on a few months which seems to coincide with a few things. One, my therapist started talking about narcissistic abuse. I didn’t know anything about it so I started reading. This caused me a lot of emotional discomfort. I thought all my issues were from childhood trauma. But it turns out I was subjected to 25 plus years of narcissistic abuse and didn’t even know it. Apparently that is common. Anyway that kind of turned my world upside down. I started having a lot of heath problems and I have become very short tempered with people who are not close to me.

Today I almost got into an altercation with a lock smith who has had my jeep doors apart for weeks and promises to come over and never shows up. Today he said he was having car problems and said I had to come to his place. I went to find his place and there was no such address. I called him and he said he was right across from the cemetery and that he would meet me there. So I sat in front of the cemetery and he didn’t come out. I sent him a text stating I was just going to take it to the jeep dealer and recover the cost from him. After the text he came driving down the street in the van that was supposed to be broken down. I turned around and followed him. He got out of his van and was very agitated as I was.

I think my text set him off, the first thing he said was I don’t like your attitude. Words were exchanged and I must admit I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. I was pissed. So we are yelling at each other and I get in the jeep to leave. He grabs the jeep door not allowing me to close it. We were both pulling on it and I lost my grip and the door swung way past where it is supposed to go. The top hing was distorted and the interior strap the stops the door from opening was destroyed. The bracket on the door was ripped out and the bracket inside the jeep was bent. I went to the police station and filed a report.

I own my part in this. I have been flying off the handle lately and I can’t seem to control it. Fortunately I do manage to control it with friends but not with others. The slightest thing and I am flying off. I hate it.

If you have had this experience what did you do to control it?

 

[arfie]

anger is one of my meaner demons. so much so that i attended court ordered anger management classes back in the 90's.

venting and anger channeling are the most effective tools i have found for it. repressing and/or pouring sugar and spice on my anger only turns into mount vesuvius. explosion inevitable. beating up a symbol for who/whatever is pissing off helps alleviate the anger gases. finding someone to talk to about ^it^ helps reach the roots.

 

[Teasel]

I get angry and irritable when I'm overloaded - too much sensory input, too much stress, too much peopling etc.

Sensory diet activities help immensely. Worked with an occupational therapist to figure out what works for me. The main thing for me is walking. But lots of other things help - weights, music, scent, firm pressure massage, time with the cat, singing, eating healthier etc.

 

[user27357]

you said you feel bad after this event, nothing wrong with that, I generally do too when I get into crap like this. I do better when I accept a pragmatic approach to things, I am still working on that.
In this case whats the objective, bottom line, final sentence view of the whole thing?
the guy is not to be trusted. When he speaks crap comes out. Jeep isn't fixed. Money is gone? Maybe. The goal of getting the jeep fixed is still valid, and incomplete.

That is alot to consider in the heat of chasing him down and getting into a battle over the door. Probably never going to happen if you are like me. I would probably be in tunnel vision mode where the next thing that has to happen is the only thing that matters, before , after, who cares, this has to happen now. You needed to hear that he is sorry and will fix the door, with apologies.

After an event like this I might find myself thinking I was lucky that it didn't occur to me that he needed some time alone in a bed healing and thinking about his life choices.

File a report? done. Probably get some heat from the cops for aggressively chasing him down? done. Let this hammerhead know he pissed you off? Probably done when he had to lie to you but reinforced now. done. Get the door fixed? work on that, stop spending energy over this that doesn't get this done.

Control anger in the future? Work in progress, but still advancing. Thats what seperates you, me, lots of people that lose their cool when confronted by angry people that arent trying to advance themselves. Done, for now, unless you are like me and it will take awhile to get past it. Getting to the bottom line is probably the only way to do that. Pragmatism says you were there once, sitting at the cemetery realising you were lied too by a guy that isn't going to anything but be an ass. Too bad he showed up in the broken van when you were so close.

 

[In the weeds]

I get overloaded and next thing I know I'll be doing a chore, etc, and the next thing I know something flies out of my hand. I'm not generally someone who gets mad and throws things, but that will happen and when it does I know it's time to stop what I'm doing, step back and take a break.
It's just too many stressful things will happen and at that point I realize I don't care what I'm doing, I need to take a break and breathe.

 

[user27357]

i think translate bot replied to my post as if i was the original poster. Its early yet so i am not going to block translate bot yet but if translate bot replies like this to all of our replies the threads are going to double in length

 

[In the weeds]

i think translate bot replied to my post as if i was the original poster

And quoted me.
It's all in English though, so why is the translate bot replying?