I am feeling so completely emotionally drained over something that happened last night and need some support and input please. I was in a really good mood yesterday (Friday), the best I have felt in months. I had the day off and was headed down to my brothers family's house for my niece's 1st birthday party. I very rarely go anywhere because social situations have become unbearably painful in the past year.
So anyway I get there last night (4 hr drive) and my Mom was also there for the celebration. My sister-in-law and I have a good relationship and I think she is a great mother but have caught glimpses of her being very verbally abusive to my brother over the years. I try not to judge it and hope its nothing serious just the usual marital discord although I know it isn't. She has a bit of a Jekyl and Hyde personality. I really try to not focus on it because I love my little nieces and nephew and like being a big part in their life.
So when I get there my sister-in-law is clearly in a very bad mood, being very snappy with everyone and all around unpleasant. I ask my brother about it and he told me she is just very stressed about the birthday party. I know she gets very stressed like this easily so I did not take it personally but did feel really uncomfortable. So later in the evening my brother and I are hanging out together and he gave me a back rub, my neck was killing me from the drive. My brother and I have always been very close and affectionate. My sis-in-law walks in and just glares at us I mean the look on her face was very clear it was like she caught us having sex or something. She storms out of the room and my brother and I look at each other rather mortified and he goes upstairs to talk to her. They get into this big fight and then one of the kids starts to cry. This completely triggered a horrible, extremely vivid flashback. One where you feel yourself as a child again reliving an event but the scene is incomplete. I would flash in and out and it was very loud when I would go into the flashback. The crying really triggered it I saw myself as a child hiding in the closet with my brother from my stepfather and can hear parents screaming in the background. Then closet opens and my brother is pulled out and is beaten and he is screaming. This visual back and forth, in and out. I also don't even know if this incident actually happened this is a new one.
I couldn't fall asleep, really wanted to leave but was too tired to drive back that far. I woke up at 6am and left, told my mom what happened and my brother pleaded with me not to leave. I tried to explain that I was not leaving because I was angry just had to go, couldn't take it, and was very offended. My sister-in-law comes down and starts crying begging me not to leave but I did. I stopped an hour north to call my friend, my cell had been off, then it rang it was my brother. I answer it's my sis-in-law sobbing and pleading so even though I really didn't want to go back I did. I stayed for the party which felt worse because I then had to try and be social, even more painful. I left after the party and just got home. I feel completely devastated and feel like I'm overeacting but it doesn't matter because it's how I feel. My parents and I were planning to go there for xmas no way in hell am I going. If she is that stressed over a birthday I don't want to see her at xmas. Sorry this is so long needed to vent.
So anyway I get there last night (4 hr drive) and my Mom was also there for the celebration. My sister-in-law and I have a good relationship and I think she is a great mother but have caught glimpses of her being very verbally abusive to my brother over the years. I try not to judge it and hope its nothing serious just the usual marital discord although I know it isn't. She has a bit of a Jekyl and Hyde personality. I really try to not focus on it because I love my little nieces and nephew and like being a big part in their life.
So when I get there my sister-in-law is clearly in a very bad mood, being very snappy with everyone and all around unpleasant. I ask my brother about it and he told me she is just very stressed about the birthday party. I know she gets very stressed like this easily so I did not take it personally but did feel really uncomfortable. So later in the evening my brother and I are hanging out together and he gave me a back rub, my neck was killing me from the drive. My brother and I have always been very close and affectionate. My sis-in-law walks in and just glares at us I mean the look on her face was very clear it was like she caught us having sex or something. She storms out of the room and my brother and I look at each other rather mortified and he goes upstairs to talk to her. They get into this big fight and then one of the kids starts to cry. This completely triggered a horrible, extremely vivid flashback. One where you feel yourself as a child again reliving an event but the scene is incomplete. I would flash in and out and it was very loud when I would go into the flashback. The crying really triggered it I saw myself as a child hiding in the closet with my brother from my stepfather and can hear parents screaming in the background. Then closet opens and my brother is pulled out and is beaten and he is screaming. This visual back and forth, in and out. I also don't even know if this incident actually happened this is a new one.
I couldn't fall asleep, really wanted to leave but was too tired to drive back that far. I woke up at 6am and left, told my mom what happened and my brother pleaded with me not to leave. I tried to explain that I was not leaving because I was angry just had to go, couldn't take it, and was very offended. My sister-in-law comes down and starts crying begging me not to leave but I did. I stopped an hour north to call my friend, my cell had been off, then it rang it was my brother. I answer it's my sis-in-law sobbing and pleading so even though I really didn't want to go back I did. I stayed for the party which felt worse because I then had to try and be social, even more painful. I left after the party and just got home. I feel completely devastated and feel like I'm overeacting but it doesn't matter because it's how I feel. My parents and I were planning to go there for xmas no way in hell am I going. If she is that stressed over a birthday I don't want to see her at xmas. Sorry this is so long needed to vent.
