Terrified To Testify

[Girl_interrupted]

So my ex has been in custody since he last assaulted me in December. He is facing a number of charges from various incidents of violence and threats towards me.

I found out this week that he is choosing to plead not guilty and a trial date has been set. I am so so scared of having to give evidence, I don't know how I'm going to keep my symptoms under control.

It's all I can think about right now and I'm terrified

 

[ms spock]

Do you have a mental health worker?

What is the DV (Domestic Violence) Support like in your area? Can you call a supporter worker?

It is not unreasonable to be feeling so scared at the moment. That is pretty big news.

Have you got any grounding strategies that you use Girl_Interrupted?

 

[Barconian]

I felt like a total fool in court, when I testified against someone. I hated it, but I'm glad I did it

 

[Girl_interrupted]

I have a fantastic case worker from DV service who will hopefully be able to come to court with me. My dad is also going to come as well as a good friend.

I meet with the prosecutor next week so I'm hoping I'll feel more at ease once I know how the process all works.

I've only seen my psychologist twice but she's going to fit me in again before the trial to work on grounding techniques as dissociation is a huge issue for me right now and I'm afraid facing my abuser will make that kick in big time.

 

[seedling]

You don't have to know right now how you will feel at the time. You are already setting up your support system. Deal with being terrified at the moment, it will subside as you gradually make your plans.
Acceptance of having symptoms at the time might help. Know that you can take the time you need to say what you need to.

I had to give a deposition and go over the story of my trauma. The attorney was kind, that helped. I asked for a break at one point. I paused a lot and then continued as my thoughts came together again. I don't know how anyone else saw it but I made it through. My attorney kept making it clear that I could ask for a break any time, I kept that in mind as I answered questions.

I know there are threads on here about going to court and how people dealt with it. That might help to read those. Some amazing stories.

Good luck, he's pleading not guilty, that seems like a good start.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I have no experience with this, but I just wanted to wish you luck and a huge load of support.

 

[Meghan87]

I hope you win! Good luck, sending all the good Karma I can, for you and all the other women who have had to go through this, for the ones who won and the ones who failed ... stay strong ! I have been in this situation and it is not easy, I am really hoping you win this!

 

[Loner]

I have never been in your shoes and cannot relate and therefore feel a little insensitive saying this, but at the same time I feel it needs to be said, why do you need to keep your symptoms under control? Go let them see how much he terrifies you, stutter, cry if you want, put your head in your hand, etc. You're telling them what he did to you. I know its not going to be easy or comfortable but everything you are going through is a natural reaction to his actions, and part of the reason he needs to be put away. If actions like his had no effect on others then it wouldn't be THAT big of a deal, but they do have quite the effect don't they? I highly doubt anyone is going to judge you or be impatient with you if you aren't completely composed. They are going to judge HIM for what he did to you. Pretty much everyone, even fairly scummy people, sympathize with women that have been hit and look down on guys that hit women. You ca also believe this is not the first case of abuse the judge or lawyers have dealt with. There is no courage without fear.

Ya, I feel kind of foolish saying that because I have NEVER been in your shoes but at the same time I feel its true. Good luck. I have a lot of respect for you.

 

[kahlan]

Dealing with court and an abusive ex is hard! I found focusing on the positive outcome (him being locked up) helped alleviate some of the fear of saying what was done to me. Also having a friendly face to see helped a lot too.

You've been through hell at his hands, now is an opportunity to take back some of your strength..YOU CAN DO IT :)

(I had a pretty nice bruise on my hand by the time it was done too...I kept squeezing the area between my thumb and index finger when I would feel panic creeping in :s usually if I ended up looking in his direction, so if you can look elsewhere than at him do it ;) )

 

[RussH]

Girl inteirputed here is a couple of thoughts:
See this as an opportunity to regain power / control. He attempted to control you with violence, and make himself feel powerful through the violence. Now, with your testimony, you can regain both from him.

By testifying you are sending a message that you will no longer be a victim.

By testifying you are, perhaps saving someone else from be assualted.

By testifying you may lend courage to another victim to testify in their case.

I hope all goes well with you, and try not to worry too much about it.

 

[Girl_interrupted]

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words of support.

Loner, what you said really struck a chord with me. You are so, so right. Why should I have to hide what I have become as a direct result of his actions?

 

[Loner]

Aww thanks. Not to make this thread all about me, but while I like giving advice to others, I often think I probably come off as a smug know it all prick. Its really nice to know I've helped someone, it makes me feel good.