The Alias of Mr Fear - PTSD and My Fears

[Nam]

Godseeker, you've found a great site. Fear is fear. And PTSD is PTSD. We all speak the same language here. Welcome.

 

[Marlene]

Welcome, Godseeker.

 

[goingonhope]

We (PTSD sufferers) have more energy and strength than a steroid-taken-bodybuilder (a bodybuilder that take amphetamines, steroids, vitamins and other energizants..) Much more than a gong fu master!! Why? we allways fighting, we allways on our guard, always looking at the sides, we "are" always in danger (of course fictice but real to our mind) A PTSD sufferer to me is like a warrior in the middle of a battle. All the time facing "death". The question is that this monstuous amount of energy we have is spent in the bad way.

What if you dont believe anymore your self in danger? you will be a strong man or women... A man or women forged in iron.

I want to find this child with his spontaneity and innocent happyness. It is possible. I am sure. Just I must do it.

Hello GodSeeker, I'm glad you wrote as much as you have as I enjoyed reading what you have shared. It made me think about many things I haven't in a long time...and reminded me of a bunch.

Right action is a key for me too. I take actions, as often as virtually possible, whether or not I'm comfortable bc what follows for me is some sort of positive change, even if at first very uncomfortable.

People remind me of "Into Action" often, and God knows when I follow through it always has it's rewards. My trauma should have wiped me out and put me in a permanent catatonic state long ago, and yet it hasn't, as God has provided great courage, in the face of much fear. I've challenged my fears a great deal throughout my life, many have dryed up and have since been replaced with faith, and yet I'm left with many, many still more.

My first thoughts too regarding how I felt and thought was that I had a social phobia, isolated and never told others about this, as I felt deeply ashamed.

At about 11/12 yrs. old and throughout teens, I wanted to become a pschologist/pshych., really dreamt of becoming one too. Independently, I read a great deal of material and text, believed I'd make a good one too bc of much, varied experience gained in the school of hard knocks. Even began an in depth process of research and brainstorming a book I wanted to author. I was going to name it, "The Psychodynamic Diet." It was going to be about pin-pointing the traumatic experience and how to shed and being set free from these past painful experiences and the resulting detrimental fears, and rigid patterns of thinking and behaving. What I never knew then was that such a mental illness as PTSD existed and that it was nuerological and changed the chemistry of our brains, and that I was suffering then from this. Instead I went onto become very much alcohol dependent.

You know that abundance of energy you talk about PTSD sufferers having, I most definately have this and have too often found self-destructive ways to get rid of it. But, it remains in me in such a way, as it feels unbearable to me at times. I can't say that it's gotten any better even, because I suspect that if I didn't smoke cigg's as I do, it would be there. Alcohol use to help with this a lot, or so I thought.

GodSeeker, I've done some therapuetic healing work in my life that allowed me to release much energy and emotion and express the my trauma within a safe setting. Boy' did I love this healing work from long past days. I participated then to my fullest, dug real deep and let out unbelievable rage. Was referred to as a Warrior and felt like one at the time, but one making right chooses. And, was so proud of myself. This work, had to end though, when my finances dryed up. And even the incredible therapy for me PTSD came to an end when my therapist moved on. I loved that guy too, he was so brillant, so compassionate, so full of much PTSD sense.

I quoted what I did above of yours bc it means a lot to me. GodSeeker, I'm so glad you're struggling, because if you weren't that means you would have resigned to and accepted PTSD defeat, and all it's enormous pain. I'm struggling too, and it's all for a purpose, and I have faith that it will pay off hansomely if only I persist, and don't become complacent.

Again right action a wonderful key to helping change how we think and feel. And GodSeeker, I'll be pulling and praying for you that you again find that child within you. My best to you and God Bless!

sincerely goingonhope

 

[GodSeeker]

Hello everyone,
A week ago I returned to practice meditation (Transcendental Meditation) after a long years of abandonning it. I remember the first time I did it. I went to a center in which we learn this type of meditation and I when I did my first meditation I feel physically how "a hot thing" like radiation litteraly leave my legs and toes. It was incredible! I commented that and I have been answered that it is the release of stress. I contued during a certain time and then I abandonned for various reasons (for lack of discipline).
A week ago I returned to practice it and Wednesday at night during meditation seated, my body twisted and my neck too to the right side in a strange position (with closed eyes) but without any pain or tension. This have succeded before. I searched in the net and I encounter that the body left to his own tendencies tries to take the most adecuate position to release stress. I can say that in ME it exists a large amount of this killer called stress. My body and mind left to themselves tried to evacuate this stress. I find myself after a week of practicing it more quiet and my mind is less hoked to thoughts. It take it easy.
I will dont let myself to abandonne again because they are 40 minutes a day.
Thanks God for everything!:rolleyes:
"It's all about training"