Therapist Reaction When Telling Them Something Hard

[cleo6]

Thank you for your replies. She been trained for 10 years and states she's worked with many abuse victims so that shouldn't be an issue. She said she had worked out that there was more but at some point she realised I wasn't ready to talk so she was waiting for me. before when I've opened up about hard stuff that it's never been planned so normally I sort of zone out whilst talking then start rambling and I don't know what I end up saying where this time I had planned it over and over and was completely with it so maybe I'm comparing this time to those other times. I think it may of shocked her as she has said how well I'm doing then she finds out that I regularly self harm. And her response wasn't that great to that but then I guess she probably doesn't want to encourage it. Maybe I'm taking her being off with it as her being concerned. I don't know normally I keep everyone at a distance and never let people properly and I feel like I'm now pushing her away as she knows to much

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Thank you for the feedback. You may be right. Perhaps when you dissociate while talking about some of these things spontaniously, you miss some of her body language or expressions. This time you were in 1st person, so you were fully aware of every detail.

I'm just speculating. I don't think you should second guess yourself though. You took a big risk and followed through. Don't ever berate yourself for that. The more information your therapist has, the better she is able to help you.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

People can do well and still self harm at times, she was probably more shocked that she was just hearing about it.

Before I went into pratt, for a month I was self harming, and despite daily monitoring by mobile crisis no one carted me off to the ER, but I was open about it. I think therapists know some SH comes with the territory, its the type of SH and the escalation that would be of great concern to anyone, keeping it secret also would create concern.

I think what is important here is you have a therapist that seems to work for you. I would not worry about all this, and concentrate of you and getting your needs met. At the end of the day that is all that matters.

 

[cleo6]

Thank you. It feels weird knowing she knows as I've been seeing her a year now and only just told her. Not sure if she's gonna bring it up next session or if she's gonna wait for me, if she waits I think it will be a very long wait

 

[Crystal Rose]

Some therapist and in some inpatient and outpatient settings its common to be discouraged fr...

I wanted to clarify that my therapist is very equipped and qualified to talk about abuse. I still think her frowning is just her normal response mechanism. It's hard to hear about abuse from anyone.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

very true, just as it is hard to talk about

 

[MisterCatLady]

I told my therapist something difficult last week. Earlier in the session I had told her there was something I was afraid to share - that I was afraid of being judged. After sharing she asked me why I thought she would judge me for that and spent the rest of the time telling me that reaction was normal and that I had shouldn't be ashamed. Today neither of us brought it up but I felt significantly more comfortable telling her about my feelings. Like getting a big one out of the way made room for me to comfortably share how my mind has processed the abuse over the years.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

A good therapist never judges, and requires the client to not just sit there, but also puts it in the clients domain to determine what to talk about, with the occasional situation where safety needs to be discussed.

 

[moomin]

When I told my therapist about sexual abuse he told me that was one of the most destructive things someone could do and that he was sorry that happened to me. In a very kind and quiet voice.

On the subject of it being harmful to talk about trauma: it depends. If you just talk without a therapist who can help you feel emotionally held and ensure you don't get too overwhelmed then yes it can be harmful - stabilisation and rapport may need to come first. Some people can never talk about it out loud. But some people need to disclose to be able to recover. There's no right or wrong.

I actually lost my voice after talking about it in therapy. I also lost my voice after telling my husband. It was like this somatic overwhelm.

 

[Richie]

I probably should not say this but I will anyway because I have been there myself.
picture a police officer. The chances are you are now thinking a person standing there wearing a police uniform. People generally see the uniform but not the person wearing that uniform. They are 2 separate entities and a therapist is the same. That job is being done by a human being with their own individual beliefs, morals and EMOTIONS. You may see a frown but if you happened to be looking at me (hypothetical scenario) then yes I would be frowning but not at you. I would be frustrated, disgusted and probably enraged. This would only be an emotional reaction IN FRONT of you but NOT AT you. My reaction would be targeted at the person that you have just told me about, not the person telling me about it. It is highly unlikely that you are the reason that you are talking to a therapist so the therapist has no reason to react against you. If they show emotion then I reckon it is because of what you have told them and therefore they are reacting against the person who carried out the events, not the person who they were carried out on.
therapists are only human too!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@moomin I agree that where and how you talk about it determines if its harmful. Luckily I have a therapist who knows she is not trained and referred me to the local rape/abuse recovery center, where I am beginning the hard process of abuse therapy. And everybody is on board with each other, so I have the safety nets I need.

Unfortunately, a lot of times, when we disclose to clinicians who are not trained for it, and they try to take it on, instead of doing what my therapist did which is refer me to people who do nothing but abuse therapy. I am scared as he.. being I am just starting the abuse therapy, and i could not feel any less vulnerable, but no pain no gain.

It would nice if more therapist were like mine, with very clear boundaries are ever level. And the professionalism to know when something is best treated by others who specialize.

 

[Cleo6]

im still not sure if I've done the right thing telling her. The session I gave it to her she was weird anyway but the last one she seemed better to start with but then she brought up the letter and we talked a bit about it but the whole time during that bit see just looked down at her papers. I look at my hands when talking about difficult stuff and every so often will look at her and feel connected to her and before the letter she would always be looking at me but now she doesn't I think she thinks I'm gross and bad she doesn't like me anymore cos of some of the stuff I told her I did as a teenager she judges me for. I was so attached to her before this I would spend hours just thinking about her thinking about her as a mum I had dreams with her hugging me as I cried but now I just feel pushed away like when I was a kid with my mum. I'm seeing her again this Friday then I won't see her for 3 weeks, normally its fortnightly so will see how it goes. If things aren't better I might txt her and just quit if I survive the 3 weeks ok