General Things I Hate About Ptsd

[Sighs]

I hate that you can be perfectly fine at 4pm when we spoke on the phone, but when I get home at 6pm you aren't even speaking to me.

I hate that you take out all your anger and frustration on the one person who is actually here in the trenches next to you.

I hate that no matter how hard I try I can never step lightly enough on your eggshells.

I hate that I have lost friends and given up contact with my family because they do not understand your behaviour.

I hate that people "raise awareness" of combat PTSD but nothing changes and your sacrifices are not acknowledged.

I hate that this Anzac Day the media storm has meant that you've been triggered every day for the last month.

I hate that such a beautiful man is so wounded inside that he feels worthless.

I hate that you are pushing me away so hard I'm scared you'll succeed.

 

[Seasounds]

Your skilled writing moves me, and it helps me understand your pain.

I hope that you have skills and support to get through the rough waves. If you don't, is there a way you can get more support or get more time by yourself? Are you burnt out or holding steady?

Hugs :hug:

 

[Sighs]

@Saetva - I'm going to try a yoga class for the first time this evening. If I can hold it together and not cry... Thank you for your concern. It is much appreciated.

 

[BlueOrange]

I hate that no matter how hard I try I can never step lightly enough on your eggshells.

There's an ongoing thing with my wife - she always feels guilty and horrible when she triggers me. It has taken a long time for me to show her that they are my triggers, that it's not her fault, and that being triggered can be therapeutic. She's commented recently about the improvements in my ability to cope with my own feelings and with her feelings.

All of the other things that you hate, I think they are truly hateworthy. But the healthier and happier I get, the thinner the eggshells become. The good thing is that the insides of the eggs are getting less toxic.

 

[Sweetpea76]

((Hugs)) Girl, if you lived closer I'd take you out for a glass of wine and a good communal sob.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I hate that you can be perfectly fine at 4pm when we spoke on the phone, but when I get home at 6pm you aren't even speaking to me.

I had one of those days yesterday. I swear I sometimes feel more lonely in this relationship than I ever did when I was single and lived alone.

:hug: x

 

[Nico]

No doubt. I hate that I lost my love and best friend to this. There's nothing I can do anymore and it's very painful knowing that I tried and tried and got zero response. I know he's living a very sheltered life right now and has likely shut more out than myself.

 

[holdenmonty]

I really like this thread. The things I hate about PTSD are...

Feeling disconnected from everybody else
Feeling like something bad can/might happen any minute
getting triggered period.
Feeling like a monster
feeling like I can't be trusted
realizing that I can't get ride of these memories
trying to hide it when I'm triggered so I don't freak other people out
feeling like I'm "crazy"
always watching what I say because I don't want to say to much and be judged for it
turning defensive when it isn't needed
not being able to handle things as well as I use to
being in a mental fog
being emotionally numb
having to ask for help
not being able to enjoy things that I use to
I hate when I feel like I need to be alone
I hate these self defeating thoughts

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Currently I hate the fact that we never go out and that my guy is anal about cleanness but reading your post @Sighs made me realize how truely happy I am. Let him have fun nagging me for being dirty. It's okay :)

Currently I feel I should write less here because you all have it far worse than me and I have really no reason to complain.

Feel sorry for writing a thousand lenghty post about how he told me to clean while your problems are far worse.

 

[holdenmonty]

@Lemontree it isn't about who's problems are far worse it's that we all have problems. If you don't talk about your problems and only keep them to yourself I have learned the hard way that they tend to turn into poision and start to destroy you from the inside out. The list that I posted luckily aren't all at the same time but are a couple here and there.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

One the one hand you are right. One the other hand I think I have reason for optimism and counting my blessings... and I am sometimes to critical of him.

 

[Wastinglight]

Hugs @Sighs - hope you are doing okay.

I swear I sometimes feel more lonely in this relationship than I ever did when I was single and lived alone.

Yep, that bit really sucks.

@holdenmonty, thanks for sharing your list from the other side of the fence, the perspective is always appreciated.

My 'hates' come from both lists. Between my GAD and his PTSD, sometimes I feel that this relationship is an impossibility. Every time one of us hits a rough patch, I fear that it will be the straw that breaks the camel's back - for one or both of us. Each time it happens I think "Surely today is the day that he gets sick of hearing me say "sorry" and "thank-you for putting up with me"." Or I think he will end it because it's just all too hard. Or worse, that I will.

I hate that my guy has to put with my crap as well as his own. and I hate that I have to put up with HIS crap as well as my own. The day that both of us hit a really rough patch at the same time might be the day that 'us' comes to an end.

I hate that I can't just relax and enjoy the good bits, like my mum always tells me to.