Wow! This is a fantastic thread - thank you so much for starting it Nicolette. I agree with everyone about how helpful and educational these posts are. I've already learned so much from the posts on this forum but there were things in here I haven't read yet - such as escaping by playing video games and watching tv... playing war video games... so much makes sense to me now. Thank you all so much... this is a tremendous help!
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General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)
- Post starter Nicolette
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strongwoman
Bronze Member
Its amazing on how I have had all these signs on the list, plus more, and I was in denial or uneducated about PTSD.
Not till about a month ago I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD.. Very hard to live with it, but I have for 16 years and now hitting it head on!
Not till about a month ago I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD.. Very hard to live with it, but I have for 16 years and now hitting it head on!
Iron_Angel
Silver Member
I tend to think a no-pressure "I'm thinking of you" without expectation of a response is better than silence. When my BF "goes quiet" as he calls it, I may not hear from him for days, and I know that he is feeling very depressed and alone -- he has said at those times he is very "down". I will often e-mail him a cute picture, or share a funny news story with him during those quiet times. I sometimes send him an e-mail in which I reminisce about a great time we've had together and how much I enjoyed it and appreciate him for the many wonderful things I have learned about him. I think those little gestures of affection help him remember that he's not alone, and that I'm not abandoning him no matter how quiet or down he gets.
As long as he knows he doesn't have to do anything to reciprocate, I think it's good to send him those loving reminders. I would be interested in hearing other perspectives.
NikkiNikki
Silver Member
I'm also having a hard time not contacting my BF right now. I am torn between not wanting to put anymore pressure on him, but at the same time I want him to know I am here for him & that I do care. He has no text/email or responded to any of my texts or emails since Tuesday morning. His "crisis" or whatever you want to call it started Sunday. So I think I will keep texting him in the morning and at night & just say "I love you". I don't know for how long I can keep doing that without getting a response. How long do you wait on them to come back around? This is the first time I have ever had to deal with this with him.
I have learned so much from this forum, and I am so thankful for everyone sharing. I don't feel so alone. This is very difficult. I feel so lost and confused about this whole situation. Thank you.
I have learned so much from this forum, and I am so thankful for everyone sharing. I don't feel so alone. This is very difficult. I feel so lost and confused about this whole situation. Thank you.
amethist
VIP Member
Hi Nikki
Have you read the PTSD stress cup article yet. This may help you to understand more of how even good stress can be an issue when sufferers are going through a rough time.
[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]
Some times even with the best intentions, small messages of love and care can be too much for them to cope with.
Maybe you should just sit and read more of the articles in the section from the link above. It will help you understand more, as well as seeing some of the mistakes we all make at times. It is a constant learning curve for both sufferer and carer.
It is not easy, but you can learn as you both go through this.
Amethist
Have you read the PTSD stress cup article yet. This may help you to understand more of how even good stress can be an issue when sufferers are going through a rough time.
[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]
Some times even with the best intentions, small messages of love and care can be too much for them to cope with.
Maybe you should just sit and read more of the articles in the section from the link above. It will help you understand more, as well as seeing some of the mistakes we all make at times. It is a constant learning curve for both sufferer and carer.
It is not easy, but you can learn as you both go through this.
Amethist
LeoTheLion
Bronze Member
PTSD can sometimes cause a normally loving person say cruel and mean things to push you away.
Nicolette you mention this.. I want make sure I understand, you mean PTSD Sufferer would say things to push carer away? Or hope that carer will leave PTSD or did you mean PTSD sufferer was hoping that Carer would say cruel and means things to push PTSD carer away? I just want make sure I am clear at that one
Nicolette you mention this.. I want make sure I understand, you mean PTSD Sufferer would say things to push carer away? Or hope that carer will leave PTSD or did you mean PTSD sufferer was hoping that Carer would say cruel and means things to push PTSD carer away? I just want make sure I am clear at that one
LeoTheLion
Bronze Member
I think I also find sleeping escaping from reality too!
PTSDcotherapist
New Here
My fiance was just diagnosed with PTSD last year after suffering with it for years. But I'm struggling just now and feel so confused with him.
They say that the sufferer can be lonely, but sometimes a carer can be too and maybe more so. I was wondering what kind of help a carer can get with dealing with this, as I'm finding it really hard at the moment.
They say that the sufferer can be lonely, but sometimes a carer can be too and maybe more so. I was wondering what kind of help a carer can get with dealing with this, as I'm finding it really hard at the moment.
amethist
VIP Member
Hi PTSDcotherapist
Welcome to the carers section.
You ask what kind of help a carer can get to help deal with this. knowledge is the first, then as much of your own support as possible, being here will help you enormously. Mostly because you will find you are not alone anymore, friends come and go, but friends who have been where you are at now are hard to find.
I joined almost 2 years ago, without this forum, I would probably be divorced, and I would hate to think what would have happened to my husband.
Learning to have the patience of a Saint and growing the skin of a Rhino are probably the first things to do. Followed by reading the Articles in the Welcome section, then reading the sticky threads at the top of the different section in the carers area.
No one will tell you it will be easy, it is a rough and rocky road, but it can be done. If your boyfriend is in therapy and works with it, and you both work together, it will get easier to manage in time, for both of you.
Ask as many questions as you like, but reading up on the different bits will help you get started.
Remember to take care of yourself big time, or you won't be able to take care of him in the bad times.
Amethist
Welcome to the carers section.
You ask what kind of help a carer can get to help deal with this. knowledge is the first, then as much of your own support as possible, being here will help you enormously. Mostly because you will find you are not alone anymore, friends come and go, but friends who have been where you are at now are hard to find.
I joined almost 2 years ago, without this forum, I would probably be divorced, and I would hate to think what would have happened to my husband.
Learning to have the patience of a Saint and growing the skin of a Rhino are probably the first things to do. Followed by reading the Articles in the Welcome section, then reading the sticky threads at the top of the different section in the carers area.
No one will tell you it will be easy, it is a rough and rocky road, but it can be done. If your boyfriend is in therapy and works with it, and you both work together, it will get easier to manage in time, for both of you.
Ask as many questions as you like, but reading up on the different bits will help you get started.
Remember to take care of yourself big time, or you won't be able to take care of him in the bad times.
Amethist
Iron_Angel
Silver Member
I think first you have to be good to yourself, and change your expectations about what your partner should be doing. With my own PTSD I find I need reassurance from time to time, you know those little messages that you get that tell you "You're OK" or "You're loved" or "This too shall pass". And I simply can't get those from my BF. It's not that he doesn't want to say them, he's just so wrapped up in his own stuff that he simply doesn't think of it, or realize how much I need it. Talk about feeling lonely!
Fortunately, (yeah, not really, but I'm trying to make the best of it!) I grew up in a family where they didn't do that either. There were no tender words, or anything to bolster you if you had a bad day or were feeling down. If they said anything, it was along the lines of "Snap out of it!" or "Grow up!". :-( So I'm kind of used to not having those affirmations.
The people we love and who love us should be giving us those positive strokes, those "warm fuzzies" that we all crave. But with PTSD sometimes they just can't.
So we have to do it for ourselves, and find substitutes. This forum is great for getting a "Way to go!" or "Well done!" when you need it. There is so much love and support here. Funny that we can get it from people we don't even know, via an electronic medium, and can't get a physical hug or words of love from our own S.O. But whatever works!
For me, I decided to just not expect it from him. If he does say something wonderful, and occasionally that happens when he's feeling more like himself, that can fuel me for months!
Big hugs from me to you PTSDcotherapist. Think of it as a little warm flame from my candle to yours, to help get you through. You're in the right place, and we share your feelings of confusion and loneliness at times. We're all here to help each other.
Fortunately, (yeah, not really, but I'm trying to make the best of it!) I grew up in a family where they didn't do that either. There were no tender words, or anything to bolster you if you had a bad day or were feeling down. If they said anything, it was along the lines of "Snap out of it!" or "Grow up!". :-( So I'm kind of used to not having those affirmations.
The people we love and who love us should be giving us those positive strokes, those "warm fuzzies" that we all crave. But with PTSD sometimes they just can't.
So we have to do it for ourselves, and find substitutes. This forum is great for getting a "Way to go!" or "Well done!" when you need it. There is so much love and support here. Funny that we can get it from people we don't even know, via an electronic medium, and can't get a physical hug or words of love from our own S.O. But whatever works!
For me, I decided to just not expect it from him. If he does say something wonderful, and occasionally that happens when he's feeling more like himself, that can fuel me for months!
Big hugs from me to you PTSDcotherapist. Think of it as a little warm flame from my candle to yours, to help get you through. You're in the right place, and we share your feelings of confusion and loneliness at times. We're all here to help each other.
PTSDcotherapist
New Here
Thank you both for replying to me and now I know there is help for me too as well as him, the thing is I think I may try to help too much and forget about my problems that everyone keeps shouting at me for but I cant help it love him so much and dont wanna lose him x but after reading this I now know I also need to work on my own problems if i want to help him too x thank you
Sunshine71
Gold Member
Thank you for this super advice. Its helping me a great deal.
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