General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[Barberian]

No need to apologise. One of the curses of writen text is it's not always easy to understand what the writer intended to express. No face to read, no voice to hear, no body to read.

 

[timetorecover]

2 = It can be like opening a bottle of fizzy drink and not knowing if it has been shaken up before.

 

[MusicLover]

Frankie: You hit the nail on the head with your list....I feel that exact way............wow....I really thought I was alone and going crazy :-(

 

[Trembling]

I have to say this thread is amazing, and I found so many listed comments which exactly fit for my fiance. Maybe I did not read it but his comment to describe the worst feeling himself is - I feel like a cluster bomb.

Thank you for all of the replies, they are helpful, and I am glad to also find sufferers who are willing to let us (carers) know, how they feel. Though seeing it with our own eyes day by day, it is helpful to read the other side.

I do hope to be strong enough, and I'm almost sure about it, it is tough, sometimes no light around me, but I always think of the man I love, the one he really is.

Thank you guys!

 

[Tifanee]

• Malls overwhelm me and I shut down.

• I also have the TV on most of the time. It's because in my old neighborhood, there are always people with you. Always. We never went anywhere alone because people will shoot you.

• The third one that I put in bold is so true. I play "Grand Theft Auto" sometimes. I turn the settings to invincible and I just drive around and shoot gangsters.

These comments are so true for my love with PTSD. I am trying to get him online more to do his shopping, even if he can just get on Amazon and make a wish list then I can take that list and buy at store.

He owns a video store, so he constantly has the TV on usually watching kids movies or violent movies. Also, he plays on online game to shot up his gangsters for the same reasons you mentioned.

I knew I needed to be supportive of these behaviors, thank you for confirming my instinct.

 

[Red Dog]

I have seen one interesting thinking pattern in him and it is
1. He can not make plans and sees his life without a future.
2. Asking him to look at that thinking and see if actually it is reasonable seems to baffle him but he tries.
3. He can not trust that anyone will stick around if he shows them his DEMON side as he calls it. Therefore
4. He withdraws without apparent reason (he has a reason but I have no idea what it is) to protect me from seeing this monster he lives with.
5. This also protects him from his potential pain if I were to abandon him (and he thinks I will if I saw how vile he really is....If I saw his monster) .

I have often wondered about why it is so difficult to talk to my BF about the future (even a week ahead of time) and it makes sense. I have a question for you if you have a chance to answer, I have been with my BF for about one year and I want to talk about future plans sometimes, but I feel like (as you said) he can't see any future or will constantly change his mind about things, how have you approached this in your relationship? I am very patient with him, but I am hoping you have some insight into this. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Jen93]

I am a PTSD sufferer, however I'd like to add some stuff.

When a PTSD sufferer is saying weird things such as "Don't hit me." or they're saying things that make no sense, and it is clear that they are having a flashback, don't yell, get angry and defend yourself. (Start yelling "THIS IS BULLSHIT I NEVER HIT YOU!") It only makes it worse for them and they get even more scared.

Just give them hugs if you know the nature of the PTSD flashback-If it's something like car crash or natural disasters, hugs can be comforting, however if it was abuse (especially sexual) it may be in YOUR BEST INTEREST to simply speak softly and tell them that everything is okay.

If they start asking where they are and who you are- they MEAN IT. Don't roll your eyes or gives them a funny look. Introduce yourself, tell them where they are, and tell them what they were doing at the time eg. "Hi Jen, My name is Megan. We were about to go to Women's studies class. Break is over and we were finished cultural studies. It's right over here." Act as calm as possible, and you may feel as if you are meeting them for the first time. It's probably even best to act at the point as if you are introducing yourself to them for the first time to calm them down.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Black Petal, that's a really good question and you made me think. How did we do it?

It was/is complicated and a lot depends on what is being planned, the individual and their triggers. The main thing I learned is that sometimes you have to plan, a shopping trip or event for example. ALL plans may be subject to change without notice and not to build up any hopes, no point setting myself for disappointment.

Also to have a plan B where ever possible: there is no point booking a holiday this year but be open to spontanious short trips.

Importantly, I learned that just because my husband won't engage with the future dosen't mean I have to be the same. We have to get on with our lives and not get dragged down into PTSD world. If they get with therapy/meds and start to heal we need to be one step ahead and ready to go.

 

[Tinyflame]

As to the 'future' (or present, in that 'future' can be even just a few minutes or hours ahead), I think reinforcing that everything (currently) is 'all right', helps. It doesn't even have to have an in-depth explanation as to 'why' it's all right, as the ptsd doesn't have an explanation as to why it isn't, just that's how it seems or feels.

Not adding to the stress (over reacting) helps.
And tremendous patience.

I think ptsd takes away dreams and plans, so the 'future' is not a positive place. Not exactly the words I want to describe it- sorry.

 

[Tinyflame]

It's an oftentimes frightening or dreaded place.

 

[BigBear]

to simply speak softly and tell them that everything is okay.

I got this from a therapist! Gently telling them the date, location, situation. (eg. This is Pitsburgh. You are not back home in NY. You've lived away from your parents for 12 years, its 2012. Your dad is dead and he will never hurt you again.) It must all be done in a reassuring manor and without emotional (hmmm, what's the word I'm looking for here, accelerents) ?gasoline?. In a sense, they are lost in a moment that no longer exists. Redirection to reality is a good thing...

Bear

 

[sisu]

I have found there are certain things that it is okay to talk about in the future - kids sports schedules for the upcoming weekend, trip to visit his family this summer, doctor appointments or anything that specifically pertains to him or his interest. I can talk about a trip I want to take that is not in his personal agenda, but I will get an "I don't know" or a "We'll see". It could be frustrating if I allowed it to be, but honestly over the years I have learned to let it slide. It all seems to work out. I think this situation as with anything in life, you have to choose to be happy.

Most of the time we live in the "right now" and don't worry about what the future holds. And I am okay with that. :)