Dom Violence This Is "bad" Right?

[Mammo]

Hello.

My dad seems to have a habit of losing control in the car - which is bizarre as my parents have multiple cars...

My dad has never hit my mother to the point of leaving black eyes etc, and he rarely does it - but:
On more than one occasion he has slapped her across the face, whilst she was driving the car. Whilst it could have been worse (like a punch) it was still hard enough to knock out one of her tooth fillings.

Reaction by my family seems to be somewhat "meh" about it all...am I the only person who looks at this, and is freaking out by how easily this could be really dangerous? This is bad right?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Hitting her is abuse, and it is wrong. Plain and simple.

 

[joeylittle]

My dad has never hit my mother to the point of leaving black eyes etc, and he rarely does it - but:

You can stop right there, actually. Hitting is hitting. It's actually not always easy to get a black eye - that's not really a good test for whether or not abuse is 'serious'. Your dad hits your mom, and that's not OK.

Him hitting her in the car, yes, is potentially extra-dangerous, because she is driving. Same holds true for if she's cooking.

Whilst it could have been worse (like a punch) it was still hard enough to knock out one of her tooth fillings.

A punch is not worse than a slap - when someone is making contact with you physically out of anger/frustration, they are hurting you both inside and out.

I think you know this, or you wouldn't have included that it was 'hard enough' to hurt her. But even if he'd 'only' shoved her - that's still abuse, and it hurts the person being abused both physically and mentally.

Can you talk with your mom? Does she want help getting away from the abuse? Does she understand that it's wrong for her to be beaten?

My heart goes out to you - I understand how from the inside, things like this become almost normal. But your gut instinct is right, it's bad - it's all bad. And if you can help her, it would be a good thing.

 

[Mammo]

Thank you @Whispering_Truth and @joeylittle

I do agree with you - but things can seem confusing where all images of "domestic violence" (seem to me at least) to focus on visible physical injuries.

The first time he did this I was still at school, I was in the backseat, so I got a front row seat to see what that looked like. I told my Mum then that she deserved better, that she shouldn't be treated like that and that she should leave him. She scoffed at the suggestion.

I also spoke to my Mum about it last year, (15 years later) after I found out he had done identical thing again (I had seriously thought they didn't do this anymore). My Mum said "you know what he's like, he just loses it"..."I'm a big girl, I can look after myself in a fight."

?! and no, actually, she wouldn't stand a chance in a fight.

So I confronted him about it, by flying to london to speak to him.

He said "it's not like i'm a real wife beater...if I really wanted to hurt your mother, i could...it's not abnormal, it's 'cathartic'...I've only hit her twice times in over 30 years of marriage." (the last point was actually incorrect, he also hit her when I was thirteen, because we heard it because we were listening at the top of the stairs).

My siblings thought it was a waste of time to speak to him at all. Apparently my dad was really nice to my mum after that chat. though obviously, it won't be permanent.

 

[Neverthesame]

I read something once, made me feel horrible.
It was from a nurse who worked in a pediatric ward. It was about a child who looked normal enough, but when his t-shirt was removed. Every inch of skin that could be covered by the t-shirt, was covered in scars and burns. Some new, many old. But you wouldn't notice it when the poor kid was clothed.

Black eyes are not a common thing to see from domestic abuse. Too obvious, better for the abuser to hide their handiwork. As they know very well, what they are doing is wrong, horrible and all around disgusting.

It's been my experience with those sorts of monsters, that they are also pathetic cowards. They beat their wives and children because anyone else would beat the ever-loving shit out of them.

They control their little world through fear and pain. But ultimately they are the weakest of the lot. After all, no one is beating them.

Yes. It is abuse. No. You nor your mother have to take it. It is sick. He is beyond reproach.

I hope you find the strength to fight it, or if nothing else. Learn not to become like him. My heart goes out to you and your mother.

 

[Intrepid]

I was never hit in a way that would leave a physical mark. My mom was proud that she left no physical mark. She sure could cause a lot of pain, regardless of the physical evidence. The most skilled abusers leave nothing to incriminate them.

And the pain I felt wasn't just physical, it was emotional too.

I hate that some people blow off abuse with a "meh". And some victims blow it off too.

Doing it in the car isn't only abuse, it's dangerous.

 

[Nichole Rayne]

I do not thinkbit is ever ok to hit a woman. Its truly not ok to hit a man either. Emotional abuse is the worst kind