This May Not Seem Like Much Of A Success

[sky dancer]

but I was able to purchase some Christmas presents for the kids I work with in my After School Program. My partner said she can see my progress in dealing with my PTSD in a couple of ways, but this shopping trip yesterday was an example. In previious years, I would have either not done the shopping at all or had a meltdown over it.

The other thing that both my therapist and partner are impressed by is how I handled a panic attack I had yesterday. I was having lunch with my partner and she said, 'your nose is bleeding, and sure enough it was< I wiped the blood on my kleenex and completely panicked. I was unable to breathe, I felt like I was going to pass out, I thought I was going to die. My partner has seen me go through a lot in the last 25 years but she said she'd never seen me have a panic attack quite like that. I don't have many memories of the physical violence I witnessed and was on the receiving end of. But I was able to redirect myself by leaving the restaurant after the nose stopped bleeding and going shopping for the presents for the kids.

Christmas is a generally crappy time of the year for me. It has been all my life. I feel more optimistic this year.

Another success is that I've been in touch with my only sister. In the past, it has been too painful to talk about our shared past trauma and we've been too judgmental of each other in the present. I've contacted her after 15 years. It's not easy. When I talk to her she remembers things I don't and vice versa and it's difficult for me to see how much she's suffered in her adult life for witnessing my battering.

I'm not exactly sure how to go about connecting with others here. I have been reading as much as I'm able to get a sense of what other people are working with.

It's a heroes journey, for sure.

 

[Iam]

Way to go Sky Dancer! That isn't small at all. I am so glad to hear that you are making progress!

 

[KP the nut]

That is great, well done. My Christmas presents came via internet and my grocery shopping will com curtesy of Mr Tesco in a van!
Coping with an attack whilst out and about is huge. Be proud of yourself

 

[sky dancer]

Thanks for the support, KP and IAM. It means a lot.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's MUCH success sky dancer, not a little. Celebrate!:D

 

[anni]

It doesn't sound at all small to me, either. Much congratulations, to be sure. :)

 

[shadowchaser]

That's huge! Thanks for sharing it. It always gives me some hope to hear other people making progress.

 

[KP the nut]

It may not seem huge, in fact it sounds as if I'm filthy, but for 3 days I've showered, moisturised and dressed. Yesterday I drove in the snow! I should be dropping my husband off later but the snow is coming down and even he is considering not going out.
Now todays aim is to put icing on the cake.
Small steps a little each day says my T.

 

[KP the nut]

Don't have to drive later. Snow to deep for anyone to venture out. Have done cake and whilst on a roll wrapped all presents - feel knackered now, drained, headache, sore neck. But feel I have achieved todays goals. Despite waking in a panic last night and not sleeping it has been an ok day.

 

[shadowchaser]

I shall get up on my soap box for all the awesome accomplishments here in this thread! Wait a minute, was this soap box always this high off the ground? Ok I shall stand firm on the ground and say congratulations to all the wonderful accomplishments.

 

[sky dancer]

It may not seem huge, in fact it sounds as if I'm filthy, but for 3 days I've showered, moisturised and dressed. Yesterday I drove in the snow! I should be dropping my husband off later but the snow is coming down and even he is considering not going out.
Now todays aim is to put icing on the cake.
Small steps a little each day says my T.

That seems huge to me. I've had times when showering and dressing werer too much for me. Where my partner had noticed I had swept up some dirt in a corner but didn't pick it up for over a week. Same thing with leaving the laundry in the dryer for a week.

It's hard for most people to understand how debilitating PTSD is and how much time and energy it takes to recover. Good for you, kp.

 

[KP the nut]

That seems huge to me. I've had times when showering and dressing werer too much for me. Where my partner had noticed I had swept up some dirt in a corner but didn't pick it up for over a week. Same thing with leaving the laundry in the dryer for a week.

It's hard for most people to understand how debilitating PTSD is and how much time and energy it takes to recover. Good for you, kp.

Thank you Sky Dancer, I did ice the cake AND wrapped presents. I seem to have peaked, had nightmares last night, husband supportive but now he is taking the week of work as a is worn out, weary. I'm dragging him down with me. Snow may prevent family coming at Christmas, I'm joking about it but inside screaming.
Must stop and go shower:)