Tired Of People Telling Me That Ptsd Isn't An Excuse..

[OKRADLAK]

Cactus Jack-

Good points!! I agree. I get confused when I do something really weird and want to offer an excuse. I have been able to laugh it off a lot like, "I am so high strung! I need to nix-ay the coffee!" And act like I drink too much. I drink no coffee by the way! But that kind of thing.

 

[Heather]

I struggle every day with trying to find friends. I try SO hard. I talk to everyone I can, and try to get out as much as possible.

Faye - I give you a lot of credit for your persistence in trying to make friend and to socialize with other people. I have such a hard time with BOTH of these things I don't even try anymore. I just run the relationships off into the ditch.... I really do admire your determination.

One thought I do have... I don't know what your PTSD is related to but for me I goto a sexual assault group and domestic violence group and I've been able to make some acquaintances through there. So, that's a way to meet people.

 

[jeeps for now]

It's like getting blamed for running out of the woods because the trees are on fire. They don't see the fire.

 

[eagle6764]

Whether it be ptsd or any other illness that people aren't familiar with, they choose to dismiss it as shrink talk and so there can't be anything to it. I wouldn't give the time of day to anyone who said i was using ptsd as an excuse for anything. It's bad enough living with it let alone justifying it to anyone.

 

[The Albatross]

I've worked with a lot of famlies in at home environments with chronic illness or end of life. There's a whole lot of people that mistakenly think that they are "challenging" their family member and don't realize that it comes across as an invalidation of what they are going through and at times is interpreted as a criticism.

Because I have worked so much in intimate settings with other people and seen this dynamic, I don't give more creedence to the opinion, than I do my own examination of my self and my "self assessment".

The standard I got to aspire to in this life is my own. I set the mark, I can express it to others, but only about 50 percent of the time will I get validation. Don't let the other 50 percent define your experience. I'm getting a little better at choosing and deciding the perception and belief that will best serve me and carry myself forward.

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Thank you everyone for your input. I didn't expect so many people to comment, or to give such great advice.
I've definitely gotten some better insight out of this and I truly appreciate it.

I know that people aren't going to get it unless they've gone through it, and I've even explained that to some people here, but it's hard to deal with when people ask YOU why you don't have friends or why you have a hard time keeping a job.

What can I tell them, except the truth? While truth and reality are based upon perception, asking me to explain why other people don't like me is like asking someone why their eyes are blue, or why someone was adopted, or whatever. It's not something I can really answer, but generally speaking I've come to find out that people don't like me because they, in fact, don't understand me. And people tend to fear or avoid what they don't understand. So people avoid me like the plague or just write me off as "crazy" or "special" and never talk to me again.

I'm just so tired of being so lonely and having very few friends.. I'm tired of the struggle to maintain some sense of normalcy. I've accepted long ago that I am who I am, and all I can be is me and I'm not going to pretend to be someone else to make friends. I not only can't do that, I think it's dishonest when people do.

Have you ever gotten into a relationship only to find that a person wasn't who they pretended to be? It's the worst feeling in the world and it's not fair to either person. A friendship is a relationship, and imo it's not something you do to a friend.

It just makes me sad to know that so many people are so full of anger, hate, and distrust and don't give people a chance to get to know them. I wonder where the world is going if everyone just doesn't talk to anyone else, and they just use each other to get what they want.

However, these forums have given me some hope in humanity and the kindness that we're capable of. Thank you all for that.

@ Heather, I have PTSD from being molested by my father for 4 years and from the abuse he put me and my family through.

@ Cactus Jack, I'm from the US and I don't really know what you're getting at. Maybe I'm not reading something right? I have a hard time understand things a lot. I'm sorry.

 

[The Albatross]

Have you ever gotten into a relationship only to find that a person wasn't who they pretended to be? It's the worst feeling in the world and it's not fair to either person. A friendship is a relationship, and imo it's not something you do to a friend.
...
It just makes me sad to know that so many people are so full of anger, hate, and distrust and don't give people a chance to get to know them. I wonder where the world is going if everyone just doesn't talk to anyone else, and they just use each other to get what they want.

Uh yeah... all of my relationships, I can interpret as people who weren't who they "pretended" to be. But this was a question of the other person's cognition. Not necessarily my perception. I "knew" better but questioned my own "perception". I could have stuck with my own intuition but I doubted it and didn't "attend" to what I was thinking/feeling. I second guessed.

Guess what? People self actualize. I can't fault people for doing the same thing I am doing. They seek to "rise" whatever they think that is.

I am an inherent "idealist". I learned for myself though that unrealized "expectations" aren't "the other person's responsibility", they are my own flawed perceptions most often. People are like water, they "seek their own level". People DO talk to anyone else, more now than ever before, the world is a much smaller place. And that's okay.. It just calls into question my own dependence on others, and tends to shift focus where I rely or am relied upon, or I am retaliated against"... because of my own "perceived" dependence on others.

I got a responsibility... for my own "self actualization"... I'm okay with that because I learned, directly that reliance on others gets me resentment and retaliation... I'm the well spring. The font. From my own well of being, I got something to contribute ... when I filter that through expectations of others... I fold. When I stand, solid, in "who I am"... I get traction and grow.

I'm waxing a bit more than I would usually care to divulge... my own personal philosophy. Be kind?

 

[Faye_Valentine]

Albatross,
Oh, I love philosophical debates!

I would consider myself a "realist", but again.. reality is based upon perception.

I love your take on this, however a few points I'd like to make:
You are not responsible for other people's actions and you can not put blame ( or rather, should not) on yourself for what others do. To take responsibility for how others treats you is not, in fact, your responsibility.

We can not change others. People can only change themselves, if they truly, truly want to.

On another note, dependence on other can indeed be a bad thing, but at the same time I strongly believe that you should have at least 1 or 2 people whom you can really depend on. For instance, I know that there are people here who I can depend on for insightful and credulous responses. I know that I can depend on my boyfriend to be there for me, when I have no one else.

This makes me strong and helps me get through the tough times. Even the ocean is dependent on the sands to keep it in place. And like water, peoples levels change.

While our expectations of people are in fact NOT their responsibility, if you try to remain truly unbiased in a new relationship with someone and try to study who they actually are, I think you'll find that oftentimes people do "put up a front" and try to pretend to be much kinder person or a much more of a person they think you'd want them to be.

Their own expectations of your behavior fault themselves and in that essence, both people are responsible. That's why I try to stay true to myself and be up front about who I am, and try to be open to who other people are.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I'm not by any means. I just try to not have any expectations when meeting a new person, if I can help it.

Of course, this is all my opinion and open to interpretation. :D

 

[The Albatross]

"We cannot change others" has not been my direct experience. I have been a beacon for perceptual change in my family of origin, my ex family and my present inlaws. I tend not to assign blame but it is acknowledged and attended to by all three "families" that I attend or "sense" and they steer by me. A hell of a responsibility. Granted. But I have something they do not... a built in early warning system for the consequences for their own actions. What they do or don't do is independant of me. I'm cool/down with that. I do though "calls em likes I sees em" with uncomfortable efficiency.

 

[The Albatross]

Uh are we in a philosophical debate? How did we get there, cuz I missed it. I'm just giving you my own direct experiences. How you choose to filter them is up to you and for your own benefit.

 

[The Albatross]

People not being who they pretended to be is 100 percent perceptual. In my opinion. Care to go from there?

 

[The Albatross]

If you've ever found one or two people you can depend on, you're doing better than my own personal experience. My own personal experience is that people will "self soothe" and ignore their "professed alliegiances" for their own personal comfort and conscience."

I have been deeply wounded by people who "love me and I trusted" for their own personal gain. I'm just a bubble in the glass of champaign. That's okay.