Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

Let's see how long that smirk lasts when your coworker realises they go in...but they don't come out again...

Yep. Unfortunately those really are rather dangerous. Fingers crossed for Friday's coworker. Feline staff seem to be rather resilient.
My coworker stole a chicken bone from the trash. If I thought she was starving I would have given her food, but she has food. She refused to give it back and I had to pry it out of her jaws. She then knocked over a box of wooden matches and tried to eat those. She is now insisting that she be allowed to sit under the desk where she doesn't fit (she weighs about 120 lbs). She stands up and the whole desk goes up with her.
One of my coworkers discovered he could yodel (crow). Now he won't stop. He hides from me and yodels as if I can't hear it if he can't see me.
Reminds me of the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal 🤣

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams