Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

In 2 Parts…

Yesterday… my coworker informed -at volume- the wreaths & greenery that he’d just swiped off the table and onto the floor why they were NOT allowed on the dining room table. Even going so far as to smack them around a bit for their insolence.

Today… found my coworker sitting in the middle of a wreath, dead center on the dining room table, looking both determined and no small bit smug. If PLANTS are allowed on the table? So. Is. He.

My coworker believes very strongly in the proper order of things. And that he is -at the very least- allowed to do what the plants in the house are allowed to do.
I’ve been working with the coworkers on not being excessively noisy when the phone rings ( they think “hello” is an invitation for all to raise their voices). It’s not working well - until today when I got locked out and the coworker inside was excessively smug about not shouting when I said ‘hello’ loudly to set him off so someone with keys heard him and let me in.
Yesterday I asked my coworkers to leave some eggs for me. The laying dept. has 40 workers. They left me one egg. The breeding dept. further out with 12 employees left me 3 eggs. They are just teenagers so I don't expect as much from them. My coworker who is by my side 24/7, unless she is doing something questionable, stole the laying dept.'s pumpkin and ran around the yard throwing it around, then ate some of the food I left for the laying dept. She then vomited on my bed causing me to have to launder my bedding again. If she didn't have so many redeeming qualities, I would fire her.

Yesterday on her break, she took a stroll out in the way back, got distracted and strolled 1/2 mile before she noticed I was running after her calling her back. I guess she was going to town.
Today my coworker had a very engaged (albeit one-sided) conversation with his ladder, making sure said ladder knew that it is a "good boy".

Thus creating a peculiar paradox in which my coworker will quite literally shit on the work of other people, and yet give compliments and encouragement to those he steps on in order to reach higher places.
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I found out we are likely getting yet another coworker today - she is coming to meet us tomorrow. A rescue pup who might have service / assistance potential.

I’m told I’ll need a new vacuum as I’ll never have experienced shedding like it. And I have very long hair - so I’m finally going to have some competition for most annoying hair here 😂