Toll On The Body

[Bill Dickerson]

Since last weeks shooting of an Officer things have built. I tried to ignore the news and I tried to ignore my stress. Sunday I started getting light headed and felt awful. Monday wasn't much better but I noticed the closer it came to my appointment with my T it got worse.

It was almost impossible to talk to my T. I got wound up stress wise like a cheap watch during the appointment. By the time I got home my neck was all twisted and my back was stiff. My bowels have shut down.

I set up another appointment next week maybe things will let up some. Anybody else have their body react this way?

 

[Saint Nik]

Yeah. All the time! Hope you are okay.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Are you in law enforcement? Those incidents seem to be very traumatizing to you.

 

[Friday]

Lol... To the point when I'm not doing well that often other people in the house have to come down sick with something to realize that... Oh. I'm sick. Like, for real sick. With germs. :facepalm:

I tried to ignore my stress.

This one right here usually bites me in the ass / drags a thing out even longer.

My stress cup... I either explode, or shut down, when it starts overflowing. Once I've shut down its a lot harder to bleed off stress, because my best methods require energy. Something that helps me when I am flat out? Detail work. Drawing or picking locks if I don't have the shakes, weapons maintenance or mechanical stuff whether I do or not... Things that don't require thought, but do require attention. Things that require movement, but don't require a lot of movement... Because I simply don't have the energy for it. And if I'm smart? I baby the hell out of myself.

I treat mad anxiety like being sick, as far as food goes, because the digestive system shuts down in both. Chicken soup. Fast food. Anything that is practically pre-digested and my body doesn't have to work to absorb it... Because it won't! In fact, it's 50/50 on whether I'll get the shits or pukes along with. Makes nutrient dense, easily absorbable foods all the more important... Because it won't be staying long!

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I was a LEO. Now I'm totally useless. I'm ashamed to say I make a few birdhouses in my shop. It sometimes keeps my mind busy.

My T suggested I visit my friend who didn't make it. I did but it didn't seem to help much. Maybe I'll go back today. It's hard because I'm shut down and it feels like nails on a chalkboard in my head. It prevents anything from getting out or in.

I'm afraid the ghosts will come back from the stress. They aren't too bad most of the time but I just hate surprises.

 

[Kailani]

Oh heck yeah and i get fatigue and pain experiences now when i'm under too much stress; it's horrrible. hang in there

 

[Friday]

Now I'm totally useless

Not useless. Learning to be useful in a new way.

I'm useless right now, too.

I not only need to be useful, for myself, but I owe my own ghosts. Living life for ghosts who can't is a dangerous thing... I can't even live my own life, much less theirs... all the time. The added guilt of feeling like I'm failing them, as well as myself, doesn't make it any easier. Heavy damn things, when I'm not doing well, ghosts. I know I should probably just live life for myself, but to date it's the only way I've found to keep them quiet. ((If you know of others? Feel free to kick that info on over this way.)) Course, the flip side is sometimes the bastards keep me going.

Possibly a random question... But am I remembering correctly that you've also trained and/or rehabbed dogs?

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I have a Pit that isn't socialized well and a rescue mutt. I help some of the rescues from time to time with equipment but it's only when I find can find the stuff. I've explored doing some re-homing work. I just don't have the space and taking care of my Mom keeps me busy. It's frustrating not having the resources to do what you want. I spent all of my savings trying to get well.

I get along with kids and dogs.. people just stress me out. They require so much and I don't have the patience to deal with the crap.