Too much focus on trauma?

[Invisible Fire]

Just curious if anyone else feels like if they would quit trying to work on things, they would feel better? My days are based around self care routines. First thing in the morning, yoga and a special brain shake. Walk at least a mile. Then walk or exercise at lunch. Eat healthy. Educate myself. Go to therapy. Journal. Tapping. Try to meditate. deep breathing routines. go to the gym. So on and so forth. All I really want to do is crawl in bed or in a hole. I did talk to my therapist about this and he recommended thinking about my "should" statements. All the things (I think) I should be doing. Thanks for any insight. :)

 

[grit]

I think this all depends on the individual and the amount of trauma and work you are referring to. Speaking from my experience, I was completely and utterly devastated, disintegrated, dissociated for the whole year of 2018. I went to therapy the first time in 2017 and just about 9 months in, I lost and probably had some breakdown (suspicious because I will elaborate later).
All I did was eat, sleep, self care (all the things you noted and more), asked my husband to get his own therapist cause I wont be there for while (did not know for how long) and therapy...therapy and more therapy group (2 at one time).....and all I talked about was my trauma - no problem solving of any kind of the present life.
All these time, I changed multiple contracts at work, was back in school and studying, maintained luckily my marriage, dropped some friends but others got stronger but more focused on solo life than social life.

Was it worth it? Every penny I spent and every moment I spent on. I could not afford the life I have today if I did not go through that hardship.

so again, it really depends on the person, the situation, the support you may or may not have, and the amount function you can maintain in the middle of it all.

Not easy and when I look back my journal...I feel wow was I in psychosis or what? but yet, everyday I got up and went to work...and spent my full hour lunch massage or listening to music and crying in the park. Grief is a bitch!

I forgot to add and my dog...he was there for me all thin and thick....god bless his little heart.

 

[Sideways]

Just curious if anyone else feels like if they would quit trying to work on things, they would feel better?

Can you clarify what you mean by 'work on things'?

I haven't processed a lot of my trauma yet (10+ years into therapy!!), because I spend a lot of time working on now and getting better ready to function tomorrow, the day after that, the month after that, the year after that, and so on...

There's a whole lot of self care going on for you, which is awesome. Potentially life saving stuff. Knowing what keeps you functioning day to day takes a whole lot of time to figure out!

But do you have goals for the future that you're working towards? And with your goals, do you have a balance across the different domains of your life (eg. Learning, working, socialising, self care, relationships, etc)?

Without those goals, and making meaningful steps towards them, therapy can seem a bit like "why am I even doing this?"

If you're asking whether therapy can sometimes focus too much on the past, and not enough on now and the future? Absolutely.

 

[Invisible Fire]

Can you clarify what you mean by 'work on things'?

By work on things I mean, trying to process my traumas.

Starting several years ago my past started sleeping into my present. Then it all came crashing in, now I’m left with having to process this mess. Meaning when my flashbacks started and I started remembering the years of trauma.

I think what I now hear myself saying is if I go back to pretending, will I feel better? And I can answer that with a big NO. I do need to have some goals and I think I need to find a better balance. But, I am reaching a point in therapy that I am resisting. Accepting and learning to share space with things I need to accept is a bridge I think I need to cross.

 

[whiteraven]

I didn't "go back to pretending," but I did stop therapy for an extended period of time and felt and managed MUCH better. I think part of that is because I had a bad therapist who stirred up too much too quickly, but also because therapy is hard. I expected when I quit to get worse and I didn't. Was a long time before I felt like I needed to go back.

 

[Rani G2]

feels like if they would quit trying to work on things, they would feel better

The feel of „how it could be without“ doesn’t enter my mind, because I (From the Day I was born and years on) was only able to get a perception of the world and self through fragmentation. Once you are split, you grasp multiple realities of self and things happening in the outer. 10 years of Therapy and I‘m still picking up bits and pieces. Yes, Me wants to crawl and hide, and then again go out to the world and find the missing pieces, mostly the connection seems to be the source. Very very hard to get into that! Very much!!! I see you @Invisible Fire

 

[jenkins]

When I get Seasonal Affective Disorder in the winter I lose most of my motivation to do anything. You sound perhaps in a similar situation. Is your lack of motivation worse in the winter?

If I stop my routine it can be hard to start it again, so normally I don't stop. But if you need to take a break, take a break for a few days, but get back on the routine. Exercise really does help me in the winter when I normally don't get enough. I have a SAD light for work and I'm getting one for home, a warm white one, not the glaring white LED lights.

And I stay away from computers all weekend if I can and workout instead, then meditate, maybe read a book (not on my tablet but on my Kobo with is e-ink technology with a different backlight.) Computer work seems to wear me down. I'm actually disappointed we are not getting much snow because shoveling was part of my winter workout routine. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you do anything that YOU want to do?

 

[Invisible Fire]

When I get Seasonal Affective Disorder in the winter I lose most of my motivation to do anything. You sound perhaps in a similar situation. Is your lack of motivation worse in the winter?

I struggle with SAD also. Many of the things I do enjoy I am unable to do because of weather. I have really looked at my routine and I am seeing where I need to adjust.

Do you do anything that YOU want to do?

My therapist asked me this. And, yes I do somethings that I want to do. I have been asking myself often if it is something I think I "should do" or if I actually want to. I am finding a few things that I am not going to continue doing. I think the new year started and it is 2020 and I was pushing myself to hard. All I did was cause my stress. Thank you all for your input.

 

[PointlessExistence]

This is a great quesion. I have wrestled with this subject as well. I have no answer. I used to think trauma-therapy was the answer. It would be like a magic pill that would cure all my symptoms. But how much re-living can I do? I relive trauma, cry and feel better, but it wears off so quickly. Then I'd put myself through it again. Now I think that present-day focus is better, but not CBT. To me, CBT should be called "how to function without being happy".

This topic also comes into play with me and meds. I can't count how many times I decided to not try any more meds, because the meds made me feel anxiety: "Are they were working?", "Did I get a bad batch?", "Did I stop too soon to get the positive effects?", "Will this new med be worth dealing with the negative side-effects because it will work in the end?", even "What if my meds work but they end up going on back-order?"

 

[hithere]

yes I agree.