AngryLittlePet
New Here
Hello, and let me just say I'm very glad to have found this forum! I have sexual PTSD which was diagnosed after being with a psychopathic manipulative evil sicko a couple years ago, but my first abuse was around age 12/13 by a neighborhood boy who was about 15. He is evil, I know that now, but for years I never told anyone. I think he may have set the course my relationship and sex life have taken on since then though. I'm recently divorced (like literally got the papers a couple days ago) from an emotionally abusive man who got mad at me when I didn't want sex. After the guy who led to my PTSD diagnosis, my sexuality shut down completely, like even the word "sex" repulsed me. The man I married was the first spark I had of a sex drive again but he was really pushy and aggressive and abusive and made it even worse.
Anyway, what led me here is I've started seeing a new guy who suddenly woke my sex drive up, like just his touch is warm and makes me want to be near him. It's a feeling I don't think I've ever had quite the same before and I adore him. He's not pushy, not dishonest, a good guy. But I'm having problems with all of my past abuses resurfacing and don't know how to move past it and have a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. I have a LOT of anger towards more than one person, (hence my username) and I know I'm flipping out on my new guy and putting him through things he doesn't want to deal with and shouldn't have to. I have an excellent therapist and would have been just fine alone for the rest of my life. I have a pretty thick shell around me. But out of the blue comes this man that I really DO want to have an intimate and fulfilling relationship with and I don't know how.
So anyway, I'm glad to have found this forum and other people who understand, because sometimes it feels like I'm a member of this secret club that nobody quite gets. I look forward to exploring the forums more when I'm not posting from my phone :)
Anyway, what led me here is I've started seeing a new guy who suddenly woke my sex drive up, like just his touch is warm and makes me want to be near him. It's a feeling I don't think I've ever had quite the same before and I adore him. He's not pushy, not dishonest, a good guy. But I'm having problems with all of my past abuses resurfacing and don't know how to move past it and have a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. I have a LOT of anger towards more than one person, (hence my username) and I know I'm flipping out on my new guy and putting him through things he doesn't want to deal with and shouldn't have to. I have an excellent therapist and would have been just fine alone for the rest of my life. I have a pretty thick shell around me. But out of the blue comes this man that I really DO want to have an intimate and fulfilling relationship with and I don't know how.
So anyway, I'm glad to have found this forum and other people who understand, because sometimes it feels like I'm a member of this secret club that nobody quite gets. I look forward to exploring the forums more when I'm not posting from my phone :)
