Urge To Cut Is Back

[Crl1983]

I went almost a whole year without cutting, but I slipped up a few days ago and did It again. I was just having a really,really bad night. I was home alone with the kids and I was up really late after they went to bed. I couldn't sleep because every time I would hear a little noise I would think the worst things and would have to run and check on the kids and also check every single window and door In the house. I got overwhelmed by my emotions and started having flashbacks. Nobody even knows I did It yet. I wear pants all the time (I made the cuts on my ankle) and I dress as soon as I get out of the shower so my fiance won't see It. I'm afraid to tell anyone. Part of me doesn't want to do It again, but part of me does. If that makes any sense.

 

[Sethe]

Sethe, that is probably a part of why you pull your hair.

I have some other oddities that I do instead of cutting. I am really bad in terms of "picking", as well as being attached to tweezers. I will tweeze hair on my legs, arms, where ever...

Never admitted that one out loud before. *waiting for people to comment on what a weirdo i am*

I must have missed this thread. I have a pair of tweezers on my night table. I use them almost every night.

 

[blueangel371115]

I noticed I have thing about pain. I obsessively tongue cold sores to make them hurt. Or tweezing hair on my face. I feel alive. It's strange. But Now it makes sense. Once I even bit my hand. Very bad day then. My whole body was numb.

 

[Heather]

When I floss my teeth I jam the floss up into my gums. The pain feels good. So, I can definitely understand where you are coming from blueangel.

 

[freakofnurture]

If this post is perceived as derailing the thread, please ignore it. Thank you.

I have a pair of tweezers on my night table. I use them almost every night.

I somethimes pick hair off my legs but I never thought of it as self-harm. When I have the urge to hurt myself, I need to at least bruise myself or open my skin, otherwise the urge doesn't go away.
I'd define actions as self-harm that are consciously or unconsciously intended to damage the self.
What do you think?

(P.S.: It feels liberating to speak about this openly without getting shocked/disgusted looks.)

 

[MurphyJB]

"When I have the urge to hurt myself, I need to at least bruise myself or open my skin, otherwise the urge doesn't go away."

I am the same way. I need to see some sort of damage that I caused. When I cut myself it's like the open wound pours out all the emotions I can't/ don't want to deal with.

P.S. I haven't cut myself in 6 months, but this past week has been really rough. I have wanted to cut myself every single day. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

[Heather]

I am the same way. I need to see some sort of damage that I caused. When I cut myself it's like the open wound pours out all the emotions.

That's exactly the same way I feel. I'm glad you have been able to fight the urge to keep from doing it.

Stay strong Murphy you've made it this far!

 

[Sethe]

If this post is perceived as derailing the thread, please ignore it. Thank you.


I somethimes pick hair off my legs but I never thought of it as self-harm. When I have the urge to hurt myself, I need to at least bruise myself or open my skin, otherwise the urge doesn't go away.
I'd define actions as self-harm that are consciously or unconsciously intended to damage the self.
What do you think?

(P.S.: It feels liberating to speak about this openly without getting shocked/disgusted looks.)

I pull the hair off of my legs (I wonder about my head, though I was told it's just falling out due to stress. I still run my hands through it a lot and maybe pull a little).

I also pick at other body parts and yes, it calms me down. Go figure.

 

[Marie E.]

A few weeks ago I pulled some hair out from frustration with my Fiance. I was mad at myself and it was dark in the room, so I pulled several strands out. I don't think he knows about anything I do now, but am open to him about my past. I made sure that the hair was quickly cleaned from any remaining on the floor.

A few nights ago I bit my arm hard, again mad at myself. I feel so autistic, like I can't feel sh*t!! Why can't I feel anything for my beloved Fiance when he hasn't done anything? And if he ever does, he deals with his Combat PTSD better than I deal with my own PTSD!! I just wish I was that strong. (Blank Thoughts)

Last night I had the urge to cut like **** etc. I really wanted too!!. Instead I let myself become numb, hurts more not to feel something and especially how I hurt my Fiance's feelings when I don't know how to express myself, so he gives me room.

 

[Heather]

I was going to cut myself and I took out the box of razor blades. I stood there looking at the box. I feel really awful. I am in a lot of pain (emotionally) but something....not sure what it is. Perhaps a momet of clarity, sanity took over and I put the razor blades back in the drawer and I DIDN'T do it

Although, I know why I want to do it. I had an icky awful dream lastnight YUCK!

 

[Marie E.]

(((Hugs))) Be strong Heather!!

 

[Heather]

THANKS Marie!

You too!

No more biting yourself.

Love and Hugs. Heather