Watching The Waves Come In

[thomas.robinson.54966]

I love sunsets on the beach, wish I could swim out there and touch the sun this is a place I can relax. Think. The remorse has hit me. I wrote a letter to j today It was titled alone in a crowd. Either that is what I want or what I am afraid of. I have felt alone many times in my life. Right now it's the worse. I loved love j so much. I screwed everything up. Yesterday I went and pulled the ring out of lay away. It really has hit me hard. Today I have failed beaten and crucified my soul for what I did. I deserve a punishment worse than death for breaking her heart. The worse I have heard from her. I don't love you anymore. My heart ripped then I continued to beat myself. J I am sorry. I just wish I could swim to the sun and go over the edge, sorry this is so dark. Not in a high spirit. Hope everyone else is having a better day a please don't let me bring you down. Thanks battles.

 

[dutchiedelta]

You don't deserve worse than death for breaking her heart. It is awful but it also gave you a good kick up the backside.
J doesn't understand what PTSD is and came up close with the raw side of it. That is awful.

Perhaps you subconsciously sabotaged your relationship. Perhaps it's hard enough to keep breathing for you as it is.
If anything it gives you a better view on yourself and perhaps you can work from there.

Work towards improving is always a good goal. Making amends as you go along and accepting that we sometimes lose the plot.
There, I'm all out of wisdom.

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Thanks Ritchie. I feel so bad. I really loved her. Sunday I got the engagement ring out of layaway to get my money back. I feel like something has eaten my soul. Why do I keep screwing up?

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Dutchie sorry Damn smart phones

 

[FishNH]

Brother, I know what you are feeling. Been 3 yrs since ive been home. Ive f*cked up a few times and pushed her away not knowing I was. Told me she doesn't wanna be married anymore. Believe me, i know this pain you are feeling and im sure most on here do. You gotta look at the positive things you have. Me? I look to my son and when he smiles, im ok. Baby steps but you will get through my brother. We are hanging onto life by a rope. You tie a knot in that motherf*cker and you hang onto it. Lima Charlie??

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

Roger Charlie Mike tango yankee