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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Done. Done with trying to keep polite to people who only bad talking me every time they can. Done to this person problems that make her act in a way that scares and worry me. Done with having to cook and wash dishes when I'm not well enough to do it. Done with my group home that hurts me. Done having hard time to control myself because of all the above.
Also Done to have to fight so often and so hard every single day. Done that I didn't wash myself since Wednesday. Done that things only seems harder and harder as time passes.
Proud because my writing and the fact I'm still able to be the reason someone smiles.
Happy I have friends that keep caring for me even after I barely talked to them for an entire year and willing to finally heard from me because I need help moving
Willing to help me even after only heard me because I need their help
 
Felt light touch on my shoulder- was old friend who grabbed me and hugged me. Happy!
Heard sermon that said acceptance is not resignation or giving up. Confused, resignation and giving up is realistic in my case. And accepting.
Burdensome. I have been a liability and a dead weight and an unwelcome problem.
 
I feel lost and helpless. I have called so many counseling services and cannot find one to meet my needs. I keep hearing, "we don't take your insurance"; "we aren't taking new clients"; "we only offer telehealth appointments." I just want someone to talk to face to face that isn't a three hour drive away. I have searched two counties and no luck. I have even asked my doctor for referrals and the two they came up with are not accepting new patients. I feel like screaming, "someone, please help me!" And then that little voice in my head says, "give up. No one is coming. " and then there I am, right in the thick of it again. Trapped, crying, and no one is coming to help.
 
Surviving the hits...but better now there is a plan. Cancer is eating up my hip/pelvis and sacrum. Surgery, radiation, chemo and kicking it back into remission. Just need to keep my head on strait and not give up or give in to the negatives. PTSD just makes it all harder. Fighting to keep on top of it all.
 
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