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D
Deleted member 32956
Are you saying you dissociate because you can't trust someone? Explain please.
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trying2movefwd
Diamond Member
It doesn't matter who you are to me! :/ Those close to me just notice more, especially those who care enough to educate themselves. I have a couple of good friends I met in PHP. We snap each other out of it when possible. ;)
I just recall it happening once with physical pain- I thought I don't care anymore/ felt 'removed' from it.
Idk. I suppose if I feel safe, present & engaged I'm grounded & it doesn't occur. Other people (or their actions) can sort of lead to it. But mostly I suppose I just 'realize' I can't recognize who seems to recognize me, or I'm lost, or things like that.
Though again, I've also been so horribly stressed that happens. And I suppose part of that is anxiety, & if one feels safe- physically/ mentally/ emotionally, anxiety decreases.
It is I suppose like a FB- suspended time 'elsewhere'- without a replay of traumas. But an escape from the present I guess. If the present or the people in it could be trusted & not painful you're more likely to 'stay'. But who really knows where it comes from or what it serves? As I say I don't think I get it often- more like sheer overwhelm or even terror, which may be the emotional flashback concept, because it doesn't feel entirely rooted in the present.
For me I know for a fact I don't have DID. I was leaning toward DDNOS but now I'm not even sure about that anymore...
I just know (for me) I have other "aspects" or "facets" to me, e.g. I will feel a "change" in me and will thus feel like a small child very suddenly when triggered or just randomly will want to cuddle Blankie and suck thumb and cry and curl in a ball (I call this state of 'me' C.C.),
or I will feel the most intense rage ever and want to lash out in physical ways (I call this state Rage),
or also I have a sexual aspect that wants to use and be used and hurt others and be hurt and also is into BDSM and such (I call this state Vixen).
There are other Others but these above are the only ones I want to mention.
I don't call these "whatever-you-want-to-call-them's" alters but rather I now call them aspects of myself who are sometimes there and sometimes not. It seems random (their presence). And yet the dissociative issues seems to go in patterns. For example, back in 2014 when I started addressing my dissociative issues I started a trauma journal and wrote in it for a month exactly. Then for whatever reason stopped, I think it's because I knew for 100% fact I was making it all up and then stopped. And my Others as I called them and still do off and on also left (which only confirmed in my mind I was indeed making it all up). Fast forward exactly one year later and the "issues" came back. I started journaling in the journal daily, sometimes multiple times a day even, and it was like really brutal stuff that was horrid (to me anyway) and the others were closer than they even used to be. About 2 months or so this time of journaling and aggressive therapy and just like that, one day I "woke up" and just had no interest in it at all and feel that I am making it all up and am a fake. And the Others have left again.
I think I'm crazy...
When I am in another state or am being influenced by one of these states, it's kind of like I am no longer the "normal me" that everyone around me is used to seeing but am now a "different me". And sometimes I don't even recognize when this happens as me at all but rather someone or something else entirely different from me. It's pretty confusing stuff.
Oh and my voice, thoughts, and mannerisms change too during these spells, sometimes. So does my writing style, handwriting, and word choices, like drastically.
I guess I don't have to feel like I have to figure it all out right now. But oftentimes I feel like I NEED to know...
But I've begun to accept that I don't need to label mine anymore. I just say, sometimes I'm not "myself" (the me that is usually around other people and that those around me are used to) and what appears to be mood swings are in fact (for me) these Aspects presenting themselves, or something like that.
Feel free PM
Can anyone relaye to this? If so how? Thanks.
I just know (for me) I have other "aspects" or "facets" to me, e.g. I will feel a "change" in me and will thus feel like a small child very suddenly when triggered or just randomly will want to cuddle Blankie and suck thumb and cry and curl in a ball (I call this state of 'me' C.C.),
or I will feel the most intense rage ever and want to lash out in physical ways (I call this state Rage),
or also I have a sexual aspect that wants to use and be used and hurt others and be hurt and also is into BDSM and such (I call this state Vixen).
There are other Others but these above are the only ones I want to mention.
I don't call these "whatever-you-want-to-call-them's" alters but rather I now call them aspects of myself who are sometimes there and sometimes not. It seems random (their presence). And yet the dissociative issues seems to go in patterns. For example, back in 2014 when I started addressing my dissociative issues I started a trauma journal and wrote in it for a month exactly. Then for whatever reason stopped, I think it's because I knew for 100% fact I was making it all up and then stopped. And my Others as I called them and still do off and on also left (which only confirmed in my mind I was indeed making it all up). Fast forward exactly one year later and the "issues" came back. I started journaling in the journal daily, sometimes multiple times a day even, and it was like really brutal stuff that was horrid (to me anyway) and the others were closer than they even used to be. About 2 months or so this time of journaling and aggressive therapy and just like that, one day I "woke up" and just had no interest in it at all and feel that I am making it all up and am a fake. And the Others have left again.
I think I'm crazy...
When I am in another state or am being influenced by one of these states, it's kind of like I am no longer the "normal me" that everyone around me is used to seeing but am now a "different me". And sometimes I don't even recognize when this happens as me at all but rather someone or something else entirely different from me. It's pretty confusing stuff.
Oh and my voice, thoughts, and mannerisms change too during these spells, sometimes. So does my writing style, handwriting, and word choices, like drastically.
I guess I don't have to feel like I have to figure it all out right now. But oftentimes I feel like I NEED to know...
But I've begun to accept that I don't need to label mine anymore. I just say, sometimes I'm not "myself" (the me that is usually around other people and that those around me are used to) and what appears to be mood swings are in fact (for me) these Aspects presenting themselves, or something like that.
Feel free PM
Can anyone relaye to this? If so how? Thanks.
I'm coming to realise I can relate to the emotional states thing. I can have very extreme reactions to very straightforward things - where I know it's not a flashback as such and where my adult head knows I don't feel as distressed, angry etc as my affect would suggest. It's like I'm watching myself have this emotional response that I don't actually feel myself. There's a good workbook that has helped me understand the extent to which I'm impacted by dissociation - probably more than I would like to admit. In all honesty I'm not worried about what to call it, having a diagnosis etc, I know my own experience and have good support to deal with it.
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I have no support or not the kind I need, like professional support, at all. Support you you! So happy you have a good support network.
Dissociated1
Silver Member
Regardless of trauma, I was born with a dissociative brain. Things changed for me when an adult trauma caused my system to collapse. But being able to hide I was dissociating was a big part of why it was so amazingly effective as a coping mechanism for the things I experienced as a child. The people around me were able to accept the shifts between me and my alters as quirks of my personality. I was very aware of my alters thoughts, but not the memories and feelings of abuse they kept hidden from me. I was 50 before I even knew I had alters. My Mother is 85 and has lived her entire life this way.
My System worked like a well oiled machine to simulate a healthy personality until an adult trauma caused my System to collapse when I was as 48. My alters became self aware and I began to experience memory/time loss and flashbacks. My dissociative identities became a "disorder" and my experience was much like others have described in this thread. The point I want to make is that dissociation not only helped me survive childhood trauma, it enabled me to go on to live a happy productive life for nearly 50 years.
My System worked like a well oiled machine to simulate a healthy personality until an adult trauma caused my System to collapse when I was as 48. My alters became self aware and I began to experience memory/time loss and flashbacks. My dissociative identities became a "disorder" and my experience was much like others have described in this thread. The point I want to make is that dissociation not only helped me survive childhood trauma, it enabled me to go on to live a happy productive life for nearly 50 years.
Truthful_Whispers
Not Active
Hmm @Dissociated1 thats interesting what you say about being born with a dissociative brain. I wonder if I was too - my whole family were known for being incredibly vague and "off in a dream". My brothers were always walking into lampposts and doors. Wonder if it's a genetic thing??
Is dissociation and having altars very connected? I didn't know that either.
As far as I know, I don't have altars. I've still got me as a kid inside me - but everyone has that.
Is dissociation and having altars very connected? I didn't know that either.
As far as I know, I don't have altars. I've still got me as a kid inside me - but everyone has that.
- Post starter
- #23
D
Deleted member 32956
I have read a lot of people talk about safety when it comes to disassociating. Could you explain this better for me?
Dissociated1
Silver Member
"Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality Disorder" by Dr. Richard Kulft is an excellent reference. The book describes both the strong genetic link to the ability to dissociate, and that the ability to dissociate is one of the precursors to the development of alters/multiple personalities/dissociative identities.
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