What Does Dissociation Look/feel Like To You?

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Alice.in.Wonderland . I am so sorry. :( But it is an excellent example.

Idk @PaintedDreams124 I've experienced & know of unspeakable betrayals & things. Thinking you are just another pawn or being used, or rather the next pawn, is just the start of being triggered, & the fear.. Then I start questioning everything. Abuse & psychos, gaslighting & inavlidation of perception of my own reality didn't come out of nowhere, those people don't act like that initailly either, or you'd be running in the other direction. I've, in fact, sometimes felt badly for 'normal' people, since abusers follow the good person's MO (or rather want to be seen that way.)

Experiences with really 7 specific people in my past did a lot of damage. One was particularly bad because it spanned 10 years of being (remaining) on the receiving end of the behviours.

Also, if I change my mind, & do feel I treated someone wrongly/ unfairly, I think it's best to go. Heck, I feel like that unless I forget, on any given day/ a burden. Yes I challenge the thoughts. It doesn't help that much.

Mostly, as Alice said, it helps start the avalache rolling.

 

[Deleted member 32956]

Thank you @Alice.in.Wonderland . I am so sorry. :( But it is an excellent example.

I...

I'm sorry to hear all of that. If you have attachment issues. Like say you were abandoned by a partner. And a new partner comes into your life and this person has a lot of people interested in them, could that affect you on a PTSD level, or simply just an insecure level? Not entirely sure if you can relate to that, but it's something that kind of happened with my previous relationship a few months ago.

 

[Deleted member 32956]

@Junebug I don't remember most of my childhood and it is when I dissociat...

I can somewhat relate. I had a partner pass in February. I'm sorry to hear that. It seems like you're very strong!

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG @PaintedDreams124 , I'm sorry about your partner. :( :hug:

Well, this has no bearing because we are all different, & I'm sure that would or could qualify as abandonment, but I think of abandonment issues as starting in childhood. A whole different animal outside the range of 'average' loss.

I'm ashamed to say I've left when dating without warning.. :( I don't do insecurity, because I consider myself 'less than', anyway. Sure, things/ people can remind me of abuse, but I had ptsd before adult abusive relationships.

As far as people being interested in other's partners, to me what would matter is my partner's response to them, not theirs. And I wouldn't want a partner who didn't want me. Similarly, I've dated men who are abusive to me because others showed interest in me (not that I responsed), & make me 'pay' for it.

I'm lost? Who has ptsd here, you or them? :confused:

 

[Deleted member 32956]

I was recently diagnosed due to three incidents in my life I've finally realized while doing therapy. I keep finding evidence of it being in my life for a long time now. I'm just trying to relate a bunch of stuff at this point to my diagnosis. Finding more ways as to how it's affected my life. Looking at situations that have happened in my life and seeing if PTSD has to do with it or not.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am so very sorry @PaintedDreams124 for your loss.
I am in no way trying to minimize loss for anyone. The grief, the constant reminders they are gone. Seeing something and automatically working out how you will share it before realizing they are gone. Grocery shopping, chores around the house, the way you hear their voice, their laugh. So many things...
When you have bottled up trauma from years of childhood abuse, that grief, it gets so damned complicated.
For the first time (for me anyway) I was "allowed" to say this really hurts.
Then you crack inside and you grieve him and you.
Suddenly through that crack it all crawls out and you officially get your deluxe, first classed seat on the crazy train.

You are not only grieving your loss of your partner but your loss of yourself. They were always there, the others, they were influencing me but this is very different. Now they want to have their say and they are confused, hurt and angry and the shame of their anger wakes up Rage.
Thats when you don't know what's going to come out of your mouth but you know it will be ugly. Those unfortunate enough to poke when Rage is in the driver seat, once they get over the shock, will never look at you the same way. They don't believe you are not in control. They might even think they are seeing the real you for the first time. What they don't know, is what Rage is saying to them is endearments compared to what is being said by Rage to you. It's when Rage is in control, you start to think, this is too torturous, to cruel, if this is my life I don't want it.
I would not wish that on anyone. I got through it because I cut everyone, family from my childhood out of my life. They have no idea I was out of work for six months. No idea I went crazy. They would have not only enjoyed it with a derisive "here she goes again" they would be the first to say "get over it", "that never happened" if the past came up, they couldn't say my husband didn't die. Though they would if they could. Instead they write posts on FB and in the same sentence of mentioning my husband of 4 years passing, stating they just lost their cat who they had for 16 years and they are in mourning too. Yeah, I cut off contact.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@Junebug
That was a classic move of mine. Something would trigger me, I didn't know I was being triggered, only that I had to get away and I would act like I was going to the ladies room or wait for them to go to the men's room and split.
Take a bus home, walk home, get a cab if I had money, it didn't matter, I had to get away.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I might be a bit older but I don't think or want another partner in my life. Except Eddie my dog.
I just don't have it in me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Alice.in.Wonderland I too have to get away at such times. And thank you for your kindness, that I am not alone. And your courage to share. :hug:

Looking at situations that have happened in my life and seeing if PTSD has to do with it or not.

It's my experience it permeates much of everything.

 

[Kailani]

Sometimes I space out and am focused on a light socket but thinking about something else. Have a lot of distractibility. Sometimes I hear the waves of the ocean. Sometimes roaring like engines at an airport. Sometimes I seem to split into 2 of me; I am sitting in a chair and watching myself do things. Sometimes I feel like a different age or accent. Sometimes I hear talking to me. It varies. I don't lose time. I also get a feeling like I have taken drugs and I haven't. I hate that!

 

[alex coulson]

i have only had a few rely bad instances of this. it is usually pretty mellow i kinda stare off into space i can see the world around me and hear things but i just dont process it i guess? like i can hear the whole conversation an my body is agreeing but my mind does not remember what it was i just comprehended. i twitch pretty often when dissociating and as odd as this is it has helped me keep them under control for the most part... ie its a repeating symptom and i can often recognize and slow or stop my dissociation. the 2 times i have had a full on out of reality dissociation i have lost entire days the first time it happened i came too several miles from my home with a large gash it was mortifying i felt as if i was going insane i felt so drained and had no way to recall any event prior i still dont know wtf i got hurt on. not sure if sleep walking would count as dissociation but this is a common issue for me ive woken up in nothing but underwear on the hood of a car parked in the street. woken up with broken glass in a bathtub (i medicate with cannabis it was a pipe of mine) in the park middle of winter etc. it can be very scary but there has been a few things ive learned that help me identify and avoid dissociating.

 

[Enaila]

When I have a flashback that catches me off guard, I will sometimes disassociate. I can see my hands and body stop moving and my breathing gets shallow. When I am coming out of the disassociated state from a flashback, I grasp at things to ground to such as sounds and movement. Sometimes I have tears in my eyes and am gasping for air.