Childhood What Effects Did You Child Sexual Abuse/ Incest Have On You?

[XXbabydollXX]

Hey. My names babydoll. I was sexually abused by my narcisstic sperm donor (father) as a young child he also abused my mother. I believe that I have more repressed memories but I only have flashbacks of one. In my flashback he is fingering me in the tub at 4. When the flashbacks appear I have body memories since I was a child. I am in my late teens now and I sometimes self harm due to my body memories, what I believe to be bipolar, OCD, and ptsd. When I was a child I would masturbate even though I had no idea what Masturbate means at the time. I used to stick barbies in myself and rub against stuffed animals faces at the time. As a kid I would masturbate at school during nap time in Kindergarden and cry all the time. I would have fantasies of sexual acts with my male teachers as a child and find them attractive at 7 when my teacher was like 25-40 years old. As a kid I would crave sexual acts I feel disgusted with myself afterwards and feel like a slut. I don't have a therapist currently.

 

[GwenDR]

:hug:
I'm really sorry you were put through all that. You're not a slut and you're not disgusting. Someone else chose to harm you, you didn't make that choice. You mentioned not having a therpist. Is this because you don't want one/don't feel ready, or because you don't have access to one? It sounds like something that could be very beneficial for you.

 

[girlA]

I was abused as a baby by my..sperm donor too..My mother knew and dI'd nothing... If you can get access free therapy where you are, try it, I've been in and out of different therapies ( one on one, group, art, writing, CBT,CMDR) since the age of 14...im 51 now...talking helps so much! ALWAYS remember you were a child..We knew no better..

 

[XXbabydollXX]

:hug:
I'm really sorry you were put through all that. You're not a slut and you're not disgusting....

I'm scared to get one. I feel like in therapy I will have to relieve everything again

 

[XXbabydollXX]

I was abused as a baby by my..sperm donor too..My mother knew and dI'd nothing... If you can get access f...

What is CBT and CMDR? My mother separated from him and went to the police. I'm sorry about what your mother did. DO still have contact with her?:hug:

 

[girlA]

What is CBT and CMDR? My mother separated from him and went to the police. I'm sorry about what y...

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the other one should read EMDR.. All kinds of therapy teaches you different more healthy ways to view and deal with what you ve been through... We relive it as long as we're alive, in our minds and bodies... So talking therapy is not a bad thing...difficult but not bad...

I ve not seen or had contact with him since a teenager, unfortunately he still breathes... I see her rarely, she's toxic but old...I suppose I pity her..

 

[ladee]

@girlA made a good point. We are going to relive it anyway.
And no, any kind of therapy will bring up things that are painful. But therapy also helps us heal. And we are given "tools" to get thru the bad times.
We learn none of it was our fault, we are taught things to settle our minds and body down.
You get feedback from someone who helps you understand the questions you have.
Will suggest you give therapy some thought.
I related to your sexual acting out. I did too. And I have never called that man Dad here...he has always been revered to as the sperm donar.
Our stories are very much alike.
Take care of yourself while deciding what to do next.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the other one should read EMDR.. All kinds of therapy teaches yo...

In EMDR therapy can you retreive memories?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I was abused as a baby by my..sperm donor too..My mother knew and dI'd nothing... If you can get access f...

Its not only that, to be an innocent child, it is also such a complicated issue because most adults choose not to help.... totally floored me when I learned that.

I knew that the abuse was real when certain body memories crept in, I knew that the abuse was real because some of the behaviors that I exhibited were totally out of the norm and while participating in those behaviors even though I was a young child I remember being completely disgusted at the same time, right then when I figured that out how repulsed I was despite the fact that that was going on... right then I knew something was terribly wrong.

I can pinpoint several behaviors that I had as a kid and now as an adult I can access them, I can evaluate them, and I have studied them in my mind and used to be soooo confused about them, until I remembered the repulsion of mine ( I believe that is what is felt by the victim during sexual abuse by the original predator, in my case my dad) that I felt during those times.

What a predator does, especially your own father, to you as a child is one of the most horrific crimes out there. Even in prisons criminals kill people that abuse kids. Even slugs in prison are repulsed by such filth..... and that says a lot....

 

[Lionheart]

The Effects of Sexual Child Abuse on Me Were:

*(the following is the short version),....

.....Severe Major Depression, Disabling Delayed-Onset c-PTSD, Abuse Specific Repetition Compulsion, Internalized Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Intrusive Thoughts / Body Memories, Dissociation, Disturbing Nightmares, Self-Harm (Cutting/picking), Avoidant Behavior, Social Phobia and Anxiety, Agoraphobia, Hypervigilance, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Fragmented Personality Disorder, Failed Relationships, and it robbed me of the opportunity to develop my sexuality naturally, in a healthy way with a person of my choice.

And it may also have contributed to the disease I have known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis / aka; Chronic Fatigue Lymphadenopathy Syndrome.

I have been disabled, unable to work for the past 17-18 years due to c-PTSD and Depression.

 

[GwenDR]

I'm not sure what effects it had on me, and I'm not even sure it really happened, but there was a neighbor kid, older, who I remember when I was about 4 making me play a game where he put his penis in my mouth, and how pushy and controlling he was, and how embarrassed and uncomfortable I always was around him, but felt like I was supposed to, had to go play with him because he was my friend. I've been scarred and embarrassed around anyone ever since, but never really thought about it as possible harm from the neighbor. I don't remember very much about it, and wasn't ever sure that I hadn't made it up or misremembered. So it may have messed me up, and it may have been nothing. I don't think that it was that bad as far as CSA goes, though. I just don't know.

 

[kuzaliwa]

In EMDR therapy can you retreive memories?

Yes you can retrieve memories in EMDR. I have had this type of therapy. I have an early memory from when I was a baby, before I could speak. So I had EMDR to help me process my memories. I suggest that if you do EMDR, please try to make sure you have friends that can be supportive and be very kind to yourself through it. EMDR was very helpful with perspective and clarifying feelings, and supporting and healing the young you.