Childhood What Effects Did You Child Sexual Abuse/ Incest Have On You?

[XXbabydollXX]

Not sure I have much to share that would make a difference but thank you all for posting. I fe...

Your welcome. I still can't accept it though.. if I think about it I want to self harm so I distract myself and push it into the back of my mind instead of thinking about it.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Problems relating to others, social phobia, nightmares, anger, homicidal ideation, anxiety, depressio...

Imy sorry

 

[The Albatross]

Child sexual abuse taught me I could fight back to the perp with impunity. One was an older male teen and one was a same sex, same age girl but she likely had a history with her older (3) brothers somehow. My abusive father was an asshole in many ways, but when it came to sexual inappropriateness... his mom was a victim of sexual abuse by a step father so....

 

[The Albatross]

It was ironic and confusing where my abusive father "drew the line"... he was very verbal but no inappropriate touch with me or my brother... but he sexually abused my mother. My first marriage, I recreated the familiar dynamic by marrying a sexual sadist and chronic abuser and cheater. I'm 57 now so, glad you're here... it is wise to recognize that there are problem dynamics in play and seek out how to avoid repetitive or new traumatization's.

 

[techbrain]

Masturbation from a young age, fantasizing about my teachers coercing me to do stuff,being repelled by even the insinuation of physical attention from someone the moment I think they actually mean it and left feeling not attractive (in any way ) when they don't.Messed up really.Isn't it called lolita something? Or am I thinking of something else.I'm in this limbo of "I need to be desired because I can work with that and it feeds into my idea that most people are simple creatures and can be controlled by something that has been rendered fairly worthless for me so I might as well use it, while on the other hand I know that generally speaking people are not like that and just the mere hint of a colleague or whoever at some sort of sexual attraction makes me want to flee and never look at that person again.Until I understood that things like this, or rape/coercion "fantasies" are tied in closely with how/when your sexual identity was formed (and even now I DO know it) it just adds to feeling messed up and dirty even more :s :(

 

[Mach123]

Here I am writing this and reading all this horror and having now come out the other end to a certain extent. I'm not who I was and I'm not who I thought I was. I still need to do it, it's love. I got access to the part of me that was broken off and hidden because of my abuse. Now I can feel loved. I never felt it before. I remember my first trauma therapist sitting in front of me saying "where do you feel that in your body?" I didn't know what she meant. Then she said "you can't feel your feelings." That went over my head also. Now I'm beginning to know. One of my others therapists, a very accomplished man said " The most common theme with everyone that comes in here is they're not getting love the way they need it." I'm beginning to know what that means too. I couldn't ask for what I wanted. That part of me had been silenced. I'm in bed. Later I'm going to do something fun with someone I like a lot. My abuse broke me completely into pieces. All the kings horses and all the kings men can patch you up. Not totally , but nothing is perfect is it?