General What Emotion Is The Strongest In Dealing With Someone With Ptsd?

[IvyMillie]

I wasn't sure how to post this question. I guess the predominant feeling I have is fear. I am afraid of his mood swings, afraid of when he will be upset, afraid when he is in a better mood it won't last, and afraid that I can't ever express myself. I had panic attacks before I was married, so I have had some underlying anxiety in the past, however, sometimes my fear and panic get a bit worse. Does anyone else have this problem? I don't know why it affects me, sometimes I have tried to tell myself why are you so afraid--I mean I'm still alive. Really what is the worst that can happen? I'm not sure this logic has worked yet. Any suggestions? Do you have any other negative emotion you are trying to control?

 

[revelry]

Ivy,

You sound like your 'walking on eggshells'.....that's not good. Keep in mind that you are your own person, you have your own emotions, feelings concerns, hopes and dreams, and those shouldn't take a backburner to PTSD. Be careful that your not being so-dependant. Read some of Nicolette's post and try to understand and apply them, not everything will work for you, but i'm sure that a lot might.

Take care of you first!! Thats the only way to be of help to others..

Wishing you peace and support.

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes, it is hard for me at times. However, the good thing is that my husband has different moods. Sometimes it is fine, however, even then I always feel a little fearful of when it will change. It's like waiting for the storm.

This was the way I lived in my childhood, so I think for me it's hard.

I have been able to minimize and try not to take his outbursts personally, but it is still hard. When someone you care about treats you in a controlling demanding way with hurtful words it is hard to say "oh no problem."

However, I think the more I understand the better. I don't think I can get rid of my fear completely, but hopefully it will get better in time. I'm a really sensitive person so this will be my struggle.

 

[May1321]

Ivy... I would say PTSD is such a 'high alert' disorder for sufferers that it takes any of our insecurities/vulnerabilities and stands them right on end... "Fear" tending to be the biggest sense we wear on a daily basis as supporters.

As revelry said, the best we can do is take care of ourselves. I found that getting a therapist of my own has helped me overcome mountains which really are in the end just mole hills that "Fear" I've had/have builds into mountains. Having a therapist has helped me realize where this fear is coming from and rebuild there, not lump all onto my sufferer.

My goal isn't necessarily to say "oh no problem" but to have the strength yet compassion for myself AND my loved one to say "No More"...

*Side Note: My sufferer, being he who suffers from this monster, doesn't understand why I find the need to have a therapist... I just stand by the fact that 'I am too sensitive to handle all things perfectly' 'A bit of my past, creates huge ruts for moving forward especially with this sickness into the future' and I just continue to remind him - and ONLY tell him, "Trust me, me having a therapist is helping you out just as much if not more than it is helping me." and he tends to leave me alone after that till the next time he feels the need to ask me about it. It may be even better if he didn't know but I think it is important he does know that I'm not always perfect either.

Taking care of yourself is like armor when standing up for yourself. I truly believe, and understand everyone is different, but if you find confidence within and minimize within whatever it is that haunts you, his outbursts could minimize because he cares and respects how you are changing yourself and you aren't reacting with feelings that may only have a teeny BIT to do with him... in a way, leading the way to some sort of recovering.

But again, that is what I believe and hope for :geek:

Strength to you, Sweetie.

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes I do think I have to care for myself for sure. I realized that it isn't all my husbands fault at my fear reactions, it's my own past. The way he acts reminds me too much of my childhood that was full of fear.

I never really thought much about my childhood I had it blocked out of my mind. However, just lately I've been able to put these pieces together.

I have at times wished I could go to a therapist about some of my own issues. However, I can't afford it. Finding this site has helped tremendously.

I think probably someone else wouldn't think how he acts is really that bad. It's my perception that magnifies it. If I was a tougher person I could handle it better. However, most of his PTSD triggers my past dysfunction.

Standing up to him would never work. I've tried it and it only makes things a million times worse. I've found that hiding during the storm the only thing that works, it also sends him the message that I don't want to be around him when he acts like that.

He does care about me, but he is caught up in himself. Recently, in a rare moment when I could just mention a few things I expressed that his PTSD is a trigger for my issues. However, he isn't really interested. It's just the way it is.

Having found this site has helped me alot. As I can't afford a therapist I'm trying to do what I can to help myself. I appreciate your thoughts.

 

[LAA]

IvyMillie,

I just heard of a group similar to AA that is called Emotions Anonymous. I heard about this from therapists and doctors at the treatment center my husband is at. This is something they recommend to families who are dealing with loved ones who suffer from PTSD, Depression, all types of things. They recognize that these things affect us and we do need help.

EA is a possible tool for us to to use to get and stay healthy. I am going to see if there is a group near me so I can check it myself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I think. There are also some wonderful books (some listed on this site). A lot of the books I have read to give me better insight into my husband (Waking the Tiger and Buddha's Brain in particular) have spoken to me about some of the things I am dealing with.

Don't place guilt on yourself by thinking you just aren't strong enough to handle your husband's PTSD. I think if we are honest, none of us can really. In my job I handle horrible things everyday, but I cannot handle my husband's PTSD on my own. It can be scary and it does bring out things we have been through that maybe we thought we were over or were not even a problem.

You are being very strong and wise to recognize what is going on inside of you and to reach out for help.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

LAA

 

[revelry]

Don't place guilt on yourself by thinking you just aren't strong enough to handle your husband's PTSD. I think if we are honest, none of us can really.

I think that's why we're all here. (Can I get an AMEN!!!???...lol)
dealing with PTSD can be so overwhelming and confusing...It will make you believe that things are fine and manageable.... and the next day, make you wonder if it's all worth it.

for me, weathering out the storm, sometimes works better, but after an incident I always have to ask myself 'what the hell just happened here??' break it down, digest it, and decide if it's something I am willing to tolerate of not. If I decided NOT to tolerate it, I will bring it up later and try to discuss it in a way that doesn't escalate things. I also have to remind myself that there are times, when something may be a bigger issue for me than it is for him, and accept that, and move on, and really learn to 'let it go' and sometimes neither one of us want to apologize and we move on

it's a strange dynamic, but these are a few things I've learned

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes letting things go is so important. I used to want to solve it all--but now I realize I can't. It's helped me, because I think before I wanted everything to fit in little boxes and now I realize that life isn't like that.