What is it you're not saying?

[Teasel]

What is it you're not saying?

Help! Help!

 

[Mach123]

Most things. I say something else. I hint at what I really mean. It depends on who I'm talking to or what I want. No one really says anything. "She likes you." She does? Why do they always tell me when it's to late?

 

[Mach123]

Today is huge and it's about everything I'm not saying. I have not been saying it here because there wouldn't be anything in it for me. If I get a resolution, I will write about it and I hope I can, but I have nothing but a kind of grim foreboding.

The trauma pattern continues and we live out our created or reactive selves. I'm not saying I have no part or fault in it, I'm just saying things are maddeningly repetitive regardless of what we try and do differently.

"If I had a million dollars, I'd be rich."

I'm not naive enough to think money actually fixes anything. I'm just naive enough to want to have money suddenly appear in my life and experience some "seemingly different choices."

You can lie to me, I don't mind.

Take a deep breath and hold it, close your eyes, and jump.

 

[Mach123]

I guess we did it. We rented an apartment. We had nowhere to go and the house we've been in for 7 years as renters is sold, and we are asked then forced (nicely, in our state the laws favor tenants, but we'd been to court.) to move. It seems impossible it's over, it's been going on so long. The place we're in was never a real rental, it was as monthly, and we've known for years the landlady was pocketing the money. The last little while has been killing us. The stress has been brutal. The market is stupid. 400k to half a million for a shack, unless you'll live in a high crime area. I could write pages and pages on the particulars, but I have been feeling unsafe so long. I feel this is a temporary respite at best sadly. But a respite, nonetheless. We'll take it.

 

[Changing4Best]

I just don't feel like writing anything anymore. Like, what's the point anyway?

 

[Friday]

To too and two

To

Too << double ohs :inlove: = plural snuggled up together :hug: = ohs together = also
(me, too = me, also // I’m going to the store, too = I’m going to the store, also )

Two << W = WOW (What? Why? Whoa!) numbers as words??? = 2

English me bestest. ;)

 

[Mach123]

To

Too << double ohs :inlove: = plural snuggled up together :hug: = ohs together = also
(me, too = me,...

I know that, but I'm getting lazy and probably sloppy. I also just can't remember and it seems so hard to pause and try and look things up. Thank you!

 

[Mach123]

I just don't feel like writing anything anymore. Like, what's the point anyway?

IDK I think that but I'm hooked on it a little. I look forward to it and I think about what I'm gonna say and how.

 

[Ronin]

Like, what's the point anyway?

Cause I be like, And what about the Christian artist lady, how she be doing (checks you writing).
Mental in head checks about fellas you would be missing in, if not talking.

Also because your life long dedication to your husband is damned moving.

 

[Slushie]

Help!

:hug:

What I'm not saying to someone in my real life: I want you to be single, or I want to stop thinking about you. But I 99.99999999% want you to be single and to have way more time with you :oops:

 

[Changing4Best]

Cause I be like, And what about the Christian artist lady, how she be doing (checks you writing).
Mental i...

Yes, my husband was one unique, loving, supportive, creative awesome guy, I will agree with that!

IDK I think that but I'm hooked on it a little. I look forward to it and I think about what I'm gonna...

I wrote something longhand today. That helped. It is for my therapist. I made a point. I good one. So, yeh, I write sometimes, I paint sometimes. And sometimes I clam up and can't say much. I know I am depressed right now. That has a lot to do with it.

 

[Mach123]

Yes, my husband was one unique, loving, supportive, creative awesome guy, I will agree with that!...

My therapist told me nothing replaces writing longhand but I won't do it. There is no way I am having this stuff around so I can leave it for someone to read it.