What is it you're not saying?

[Mach123]

We don't say to the opposite sex the things we say amongst ourselves about the opposite sex.

 

[Skywatcher]

I wish people could know the real me. I wish my T just magically knew the stuff I never tell her. I wish my last sentence was better written.

 

[Mysteryhorse]

I wish people could know the real me.

I get it. I am so weary of everyone rejecting me or becoming indifferent because of my PTSD roller coaster nature.

 

[Mach123]

Ok, we were pretty much homeless and now we've pretty much bought a house. It's a long, convoluted story that says volumes about us and our marriage. I'm not going to bore you. We got a conditional approval today from the bank, w looks like we are going to own property again. Now we can start to move. Two weeks till closing. I was so fu*ked up by this, I really didn't write about it all that much. Not even in my diary, I couldn't, it would just get me too upset. It was a wicked screwed up mess with us as a couple, and we are coming out the other end. The stress and anxiety were so bad, but we did fairly well. Not fighting, or getting angry with one another was just like the primary goal, and neither of had that much to offer the other. It was just so stressful. We hope we can be settling in by September. We can start moving now. We just couldn't until we let it get this far along. Now maybe I can start to get excited. It's not perfect, but wow.

 

[Mach123]

Now they are getting extensions and stuff? It's still a fu*king nightmare. My partner and I had to work together and make big decisions together. Not good lol. Has to end soon, the lawyers say so.

 

[Chimera]

I don't think I'll ever be able to have another physical relationship. It would be so beyond my capacity now. I miss being loved.

 

[Tinyflame]

I get it @Chimera . Though not sure I ever was loved. Maybe superficially.

:hug:

ETA, I guess if I have to wonder, the answer is clear?, lol. :rolleyes:

 

[Chimera]

I get it @Chimera . Though not sure I ever was loved. Maybe superficially"

Whatever it was, it was better than this isolation of my heart and my spirit. Spending most of my life trying to be invisible, I now find myself aching to be seen.

 

[Slushie]

I can relate @Chimera, sending hugs to you ?

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes same for me, sort-of, @Chimera , except not the aching to be seen for me. but I think that is 'normal', though, to want to be? :hug:

I don't yearn for, or regret the absence of, what was only the appearance of substance, either. That is, I think it still left my heart and spirit isolated.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't have a clue how to rebuild my life at this late stage. :( Being faced with it is worse than everything, except more losses. But I am at a loss. I wish I could have been invisible, and then died.

 

[Chimera]

@Junebug
I'm coming to the singular truth that I can't rebuild anything that I had. Because it was all built on Oblivion, on unconsciousness. And like you I am also at a loss of how to build, from scratch, the life that I can live now.