What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Tinyflame]

There is no safety with anyone who is pretending to have your back, but doesn't care, except for how it appears.
And lack of even a word, when you're in your most need, is not abandonment. It's not caring. Indifference is the opposite of caring.

 

[ladee]

Heart hugs @Tinyflame. Sorry, you feel so alone. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks @ladee :hug: . Well it doesn't matter, because it's everyone's right to their feelings, not for me to have any part in that. I was foolish to think otherwise, but even more a fool to think I was any different. I don't blame anyone for finding me/ my stuff a downer or burden as well. And that's no one's burden. Thanks though.

 

[Tinyflame]

Five people died the last 2 weeks, 1 friend, 3 at work, 1 I've prayed for. A 6th, if you include a friend's 19 year old relative by SI, but they are taking it well, since she said they left a note saying it's not their fault.

I'm thankful I had a few minutes of peace yesterday, bumping in to someone that used to bring me a lot of hope, 30+ years ago. Even if life doesn't hold the promise or possibility it did then.

Skipping the dumb ideas of what changes I could make, or attempts at self-advocacy that failed. Back to regular programming.

 

[Deanna]

I was at a house built in 2000, and everything in it was from the 70's. I thought it was cool at first, then realized
the the stuff was familar. Some of it brought up certain childhood memories, that I forgot about. I just remember seeing the stuff when I was a little girl. Yuck!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yuck

Saw a similar thing on someone's tv yesterday, & felt the same.

I think it's worse when I'm sick, which I have been. Or was. Now it's mostly probably an ulcer & depression/ SI.
I think there's no memory of successfully managing huge stressors.
I feel like a split personality for how I appear elsewhere, compared to how I am feeling.
I think asking for help and not getting it feels worse because it feels like it confirms being even more alone than without, which doesn't help manage stress , & feels like even less courage/ less strength, confirmation.
I think not remembering the past leads to ingratitude, and mistrust.

 

[Ronin]

I get how it may come to that feeling @Tinyflame...

Though that is just where you are, surrounded by people not caring on your level. That's not who, or deserving of what.

 

[Lionheart]

Whether or not I have lived a "good life", made a difference, helped others, etc.. And I wonder if I have been forgiven for the times I may have hurt other people. I have some regrets and if I could have changed the mistakes I made, I would. Has my life mattered?? That's what's on my mind right this second.

 

[Ronin]

Destractions.

Peachy week. The rain. And a line about anchors I spaced out too, because she had no right to pull that shit, even if to help me.

But thank gods for darts. Distract instead of de.

 

[Ellabella44]

I took control of a nightmare involving a former boss. He had ways of telling me that I was worthless to him without saying the words. I had quit the job because of it.
I finally spoke up to him in a dream last night. I told him he's in my head because I had let him be and he's not welcome to come back. Then I woke up. Was proud of myself that I didn't allow him to make the worst of a bad dream.

I hate that I carry everyone who mistreated me in my head.

 

[Rani G2]

If it’s „rejection“ (Family,Friend who?) >>>>>I go straight into internal/survival battle

>>>>>>>What have I done wrong? I don’t feel accepted, I want them to like me>>>> Like me/ Like me/ Like me: Vindiction : f* you/Go to hell/I will show you how tough/smart I am ect ect

Breathe in and out : Me, 8 years old, the photograph on the wall, I am with her today, we breathe in and out, We take care of ourself,

I give myself the power to make a decision

 

[Deanna]

Overall, I took control of a situation and found a solution! Thank God! I researched the information and it took about 3 hours to figure out. At least there's a solution. I was thinking no solution could be found. It's a tough problem though, that's world-wide. Not just by state, county or country. Sheesh!

I had a corporate job for 10 years and I figured out what SLY ways corporationans did to get their way. Now.. Its not just corporations. Those SLY ways are also attached to lawmakers, as well!