I think that (although how do I know?, I haven't read it anywhere), that what explains why the IC is so nasty, or FOO messages matter, or therapeutic relationship predicts outcomes better than method, or why people say 'you don't understand me', outside of mind-reading, or many other examples, is perhaps so. I think it may be because whether the relationship was predominantly negative or positive, one is 'known', or presumed to be known. Whether that be family, a spouse, 'God', and/ or the Inner Critic. Even perceived positive vs negative regard, is going to influence what is absorbed, or trusted to be absorbed or not; if the regard is perceived negative, or clueless,, or actions are perceived as against, or disinterested, or unaware of who you are, it won't have influence. And so it explains why who's voice you will choose to believe, has more impact when cognitive re-framing.
I did learn, the quintessential question for every person to another person, and is the basis for every rupture is, 'Will you be there for me? Do you have my back? Can I trust you will come to me if I am in need?', because it is a basic survival question, hard-wired. And that answer determines everything, ultimately, to us.
I did learn, the quintessential question for every person to another person, and is the basis for every rupture is, 'Will you be there for me? Do you have my back? Can I trust you will come to me if I am in need?', because it is a basic survival question, hard-wired. And that answer determines everything, ultimately, to us.
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