What IS Selfish… anyways? How do YOU define selfish? What does it mean to you?

[Friday]

Title says it all.

What IS Selfish… anyways? How do YOU define selfish? What does it mean to you? What does it, or has it, meant in your life? Has it changed over time how you’ve viewed it?

 

[arfie]

i have deliberately sidelined that word. it is a word i heard so often during my childhood that it doesn't feel worth unpacking.

in my own recovery, "selfish" is a trigger word which means i am sliding down the proverbial rabbit hole of flashbacks, etc., again. that very word was HUGE in my conditioning as a child prostitute. it was ever so selfish of me to deny my birthright as a public toilet. dive right in to my hole of sweetness, folks. leave your surplus body fluids with me.

perhaps one day i'll heal far enough to allow the concept of selfishness back into my logic centers, but i'm not there yet. as a sidelined word, it is far easier for me to leave its strings in the psycho snot pot as pure insanity. what be the value of understanding insanity? even my own insanity.

 

[Dynamic]

Selfish is only thinking of yourself in any situation.

Selfish is: living like everyone else is just a sub character in life

 

[Movingforward10]

I think everyone is at times. Because we're human and flawed.
And sometimes that might be deliberate and sometimes without intention.
I.e. I sometimes make the selfish decision to buy the food I like when I know my partner doesn't want it. These are minor acts of selfishness that aren't harmful, as other times I'll buy food that she likes.


So being selfish isn't a constant thing. And isn't always a bad thing.
As someone putting in a boundary may be experienced as being selfish to another person.

I think when selfishness turns into something harmful, it's more than being selfish. It's then a lack of care and a lack of empathy.

 

[KayW]

I think most people are self-centered, self care is self-centered. Sometimes self-centered can be ignorant of other people's needs or lacking understanding for other's feelings.

But I think selfish is more deliberate than self-centered. To me selfish is knowing that an action will hurt someone or put them at an unfair disadvantage, but still acting that way in full awareness of the effects on others.

 

[One step at a time]

Here's my rough draft, thinking out loud:

I have needs, everybody else has needs.

When those needs are not the same, sometimes I prioritize mine and sometimes I prioritize other peoples'.

If I think that I prioritize mine too much, then I think I'm selfish.
If other people think that I prioritize mine too much, then they think I'm selfish.

Maybe "selfish" is a particular type of opinion/judgment of a person?

I'm also thinking about the contrast with selfless. Selfish is extreme of prioritizing my needs, selfless is extreme of prioritizing other peoples' needs. Martyr.

 

[Weemie]

I separate self-centered from selfish. I am self-centered: focused on me. About me. Talking about myself, my problems, my shit. Selfish is when you exploit others, when you uplift yourself at their expense, when you take advantage of others, etc.

 

[Freddyt]

Selfishness is subjective......Its never a black and white thing.

IE.....If you take the gang for ice cream, and buy everyone a cone, and buy yourself a banana split - someone will say you are a bit selfish - while eating the ice cream you bought them.........

Right?

 

[PlainJane]

Title says it all.

What IS Selfish… anyways? How do YOU define selfish? What does it mean to you? What does it, or has it, meant in your life? Has it changed over time how you’ve viewed it?

Selfish is an overly concerned concentration on myself, without regard to others needs or perspective. Self care, is self centered, not selfish. Self care is required for a balanced lifestyle, selfishness is excessive and potentially harmful.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I think you can't put a value to a word like that.

I think it depends on the outcome.

A. "I was selfish and needed to hibernate"
(self-care = Good!)

B. "I was selfish and stole something"
probably not good.

Even scenario B. could have "beneficial" consequences if it means that the "thief" in question either came clean (or was apprehended), feelings were voiced, and things were learned.

 

[Freida]

Selfish -- No thought of those around me. A constant stream of "Ill do what I want and screw you if you don't like it"

Self care -- Doing what I need to do to become a better person, so I can benefit myself and those around me.

 

[Shaylee]

I have a feeling I am on my own island for this one…. *Waves at all the normal people*

What IS Selfish… anyways?

Well… there is the dictionary version. which is what I try to keep at the forefront of my mind when seeing it.

How do YOU define selfish?

Outside of the dictionary…. When I am not consciously thinking about it… it is anytime you focus on yourself, do things for yourself, live life according to your own desires. How it affects others is moot in point. if you are not giving to others equally or more than yourself in any way, then you are selfish.

What does it mean to you?

Ranked right up there with murder.

What does it, or has it, meant in your life?

It can be synonymous with impending death, lack of self-control by allowing our imperfections to guide us instead of fighting them, loss of loved ones, allow evils to lead your life.

Has it changed over time how you’ve viewed it?

Ummm … yes and no? Yes, in that I know the technical meaning and apply it to others now… but, no, in it is still quite prevalent in my life about myself.
However, this … view? also is pervasive in any ‘self’ word that is considered ‘positive’ in the real world. So I associate selfishness with what I call self-things. Too many of them are triggers so I just lump them all together at the moment…


Edit: Being honest here…. Just as an observation of myself… I was shocked to read people’s version of ‘self-centered’.