What Makes Some People Irresistible?

[ladee]

Have you ever asked anyone how they see you in social situations? When we carry the self doubt like a sword, we only have our self to sound it off of... Maybe you are projecting how you feel about yourself... I find you very easy to talk with. The computer helps some people to not feel so vulnerable, but I pick up a very well spoken, fun person.... you are coming across authentic. I like that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have you ever asked anyone how they see you in social situations?

If you're asking me, or even you're not im gonna answer lol.

Im never in social situations, people terrify me. When i must i become part of the wall.

Maybe im projecting that but not sure how.

Ive never been able to grasp Dr Phil's quote that you teach people how to treat you.

I dunno, maybe my retreat to be part of the wall makes people not wanna talk to me, hense my "everyone hates me"

 

[Queen Boudica]

The computer does help me feel less vulnerable, but also can have backlash, because I then do say or write things and end up with this terrifying feeling that the real me is actually that arrogant person expressing opinions or being even too much and expressing too forcibly and too bluntly and I don't know where that comes from. It sort of then helps with my daily interactions because I guess I am practicing interacting and talking, but I still feel I do it in the wrong way. I should be doing exactly what that "how to be irresistible" article says and I feel like I am too self-centered and not caring enough. I guess I was accused of being selfish so much and that is what I was always trying not to be. And my mother and my ex was so "never wrong" I guess a hint of confidence terrifies me. It just ends up being this mass of confusion and that is why I wish I could just go back to being mute, but then I can't.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My family disconnected from me part of them due to i told the truth about my past ans they dont believe me and the rest cuz i came onto a pastor cousin by marriage cuz thats the only way my brain know how to connect w/ people

it MUST be right because that is what we have been so used, to.

So correct!

 

[Queen Boudica]

I dunno, maybe my retreat to be part of the wall makes people not wanna talk to me, hense my "everyone hates me"

Yes, see that is it. I feel that way. Because if you struggle and you are so lacking in confidence that you don't interact, say you walk past someone and you just don't know to say hello or make eye contact, because you feel like you are totally freaky and alien and they wouldn't want you to do that and you are scared and freeze but then everyone ends up thinking it is because you are stuck up or weird. Yes or you freeze in social situations, you just can't walk up to that group and talk, because you feel alien and you know you can't say anything right. So you just become part of the wall and again they think you are weird or stuck up.

 

[ladee]

I spent and wasted a lot of time in 'self fulfilling prophecy' . If I thought it, then it must be true. If I experienced it, then that was the end all of hope. I had to LEARN how to listen and hear when people were telling me good things about myself, and be open to the possibility they were on to something..yes, it was uncomfortable, because I then had to let go of many false beliefs..... it took time, and I have been blessed with a lot of great people in my life. And now I am here soaking this up like a sponge... I want my journey to mean something to me. So hope you both get as much out of this awesome forum as I , and many others do. I am worth the work, and so are both of you.

 

[Neverthesame]

Wishy washy, that's what I got out of that.

Be this, just not too much.
Don't be this, except for that.
Try really hard unless you look like a try-hard.

Not terribly impressed honestly. An entire article on finding the middle ground.

I also agree that some of those things are indeed sociopathic tendencies. The bit about, read what others body language is telling you, then play into it.

I suppose it's fine if you are really just trying to impress someone. But I know I'd rather dislike an honest person. Than be suckered by a con man.
I may not like them but I can respect an honest person.

What is the other side of the coin from a sociopath?
The person who really just wants to be liked a lot. Willing to bend over backwards to please? A doormat?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I had to LEARN how to listen and hear when people were telling me good things about myself, and be open to the possibility they were on to something.

Yes! A learning process for sure!

I cant seem to recieve anything "good"; praise, opinions, gifts...because my head tells me that im this "horrible person thaf doesnt deserve anything good".

Im trying to now fight my brain to just keep the blame where its supposed to be. Something that seems to be a very hard task at the moment.

Xanax is.settling it down a bit though so its not as hard to fight. But in quite proud of myself for stopping communication that i felt judged in which was pushing the blame even harder back my way.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I don't know there is like I said this black hole inside of me that pulls in every good thing and makes it wrong. One of the things I think I am good at (think, not know because know would be too arrogant and wrong, other people have to tell me and think it, not me, if I think it, it is wrong) is some of the things I cook. People have raved about my guacamole, mince pies, scones, and other things I have cooked. I gave my psychologist mince pies for Christmas and homemade biscuits and a little Christmas cake, because others have said they are good and he has raved about my mince pies before when I gave them in previous years. Yet he said to me in the last session, "you are a good cook" and like that is wrong. I can't be. And every time i give mincepies or anything it is like, that could be wrong, they might be really horrible. How arrogant to think they are good enough to give to someone. But I push past that because I want to ignore that and believe I am good at something and at least I can do something nice that way, I am not social but so many have said they are good, but still in my mind it might not be true. I am not really good, it is just a fluke if I think I am good or admit it I am so arrogant and wrong. Even for that, even though people have raved about them, I am still struggling just with that. And then I feel like such a selfish stupid freak for thinking that way. Why can't I just not have all those stupid thoughts and it just be simple? I don't know does that make sense?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"you are a good cook" and like that is wrong. I can't be.

I do the same thing. When showing my therapist some of my art he said "wow, you are a great artist" and i actually had a drop.down fight w/ him lol

 

[Fadeaway]

I struggle with that as well. MY husband always tells me I am a good cook, but I hate it! My ex refused to eat anything I cooked, and would tell me it is lousy.

I get so angry when my husband tells me that i am a good cook because I'll start to take a little bit of pride in my cooking and then I feel shameful for that.

My very religious grandparents were always telling me that I needed to be humble as a kid and how pride was a sin and I guess I really took it to mean that you can't feel good about anything you do.

The moment someone brags, which my ex took to the extreme, I immediately become nervous around that person and question their motives.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think this article is reflective of the social media-centric "look at me" society that we live in. The title itself places a high value on attention, with total disregard to the type of attention that you're getting. That is, quantity over quality.

I don't know about anyone else, but I would rather have the attention of a few people that I am close to or are attempting to get close to rather than everyone and anyone. While it is hard for me to trust people, I am not cynical. That is, I believe in the goodness of people and it doesn't occur to me that others may hurt me. Maybe this sounds paradoxical but this is how I am. This oftentimes gets me hurt. I wouldn't want to be irresistible to everyone because I'd be attracting the wrong kinds of people. I would have a hard time discerning those who are genuine and those who want to know me purely for selfish reasons.