General What To Do On 1st "anniversary" . . .?

[DMerish]

My dear daughter's (DD) boyfriend committed (violent/messy) suicide in front of her. The anniversary of the event will be coming up in a few months. I'm hoping some folks will provide insight as to what I might expect in the weeks and days at lead up to the anniversary, and some suggestions of things to do on the day . . .

Many thanks in advance,

Drew

 

[Sweetpea76]

That's a hard one. My vet often wants to isolate on anniversaries. You may have to take your cue from her and she how she is doing. If she is wanting space, or is ill that day, then no amount of distraction is going to work. She may even get irritated if you make plans.

On the other hand, she may want distracted. It's hard to know.

 

[BigBear]

Isolating is only a good thing if they can keep their head out of the subject mater. I know that I freak out as it approaches the anniversary of my firing (a much less serious event). I think maybe a movie marathon on something light hearted might help if they need to isolate. I haven't had to deal with blood and violence, so I may be of no help.

Bear

 

[DMerish]

I think maybe a movie marathon on something light hearted might help if they need to isolate

Thanks for your reply, Bear. I like your idea. I'm starting to put my thinking cap on and will talk with other family members.

I understand the need to feel separate from others in these situations; what I'm concered about is her doing that for a while then getting bummed out over how she's feeling, then going to a bar and drinking herself into oblivion.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't mean to offend, but I think this has to be her journey. It will bring up incredible grief and a range of emotions, but that has to be worked through when she is able. To be frank, I'd watch out for her safety but allow her to determine what to do or not do. Other than to honor his memory in some way- maybe to light a candle or float a note down a river, or something (I realize I think you said he was absive but also said that she said she loved him). Take her cue.

You are an incredible source of support, and it helps to know the support is there. Try to hear her out.

Best wishes and peace.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Drew,

Its hard to say. I think for many any tiny little thing can feel way too much. People just being around me can feel overwhelming. A little like juggling knives above ones head and then someone trying to have a conversation with me. It can also be difficult for me to be around anyone I am close to.

Your daughter may be very different. I know you said she is normally quite dependent so she might really like having others around her.

Does she have a habit of going out, getting drunk and then getting into trouble? How old is she again?

What helped or helps you?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Maybe the movie marathon can consist of you getting a lot of DVDs, snacks and goodies (including non-alcoholic drinks), and making some comfort food. Then you can offer them up to her. If she wants to isolate into her bedroom and watch movies alone all day, she can make herself a nest. However, if she feels up to it, you guys could still do the family movie-marathon. Giving her some options may be a good way to go.