Why Are You Still Here?

[Nicolette]

This question is mainly directed at long standing members and after reading the article [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content.php?r=318-When-Is-The-Right-Time-To-Leave-The-Forum"]When Is The Right Time To Leave The Forum[/DLMURL].

My question is (with no intention of having a go at anyone and purely only curiousity):

If you are a member who has been here over say a year and still come here frequently what benefits are you getting from the forum?

I personally have exhausted myself in the Carers' section from a learning point of view and I now only post to offer personal advice/experience or from acting in my current Admin role of the section.

I know some members only come back and visit and others are here to maintain friendship but I thought it was a good self analysis question (with no inference to anything else intended).

What are your thoughts?

 

[Monarch]

sometimes to give others advice, help them out but mostly to keep writing in my diary and keep up with my friends. I still have times when things are not so good and this place reminds me that there are people who are just like me and are caring and understanding.

 

[catjudo]

When I first came here I spoke of searching for my courage. I know I need to attack my trauma history head-on and deal with it once and for all. I know that no matter how smoothly life seems to go for awhile my symptoms will always flare back up until I've really dealt with the core of the problem.

I still tend to easily slip into my old patterns of ignoring my PTSD when my symptoms are mild. I try to put it out of mind and pretend it doesn't exist. But it always flares back up. I've also had a lot of life changes in the past couple of years that have necessitated me putting my trauma work on a "back burner" so to speak in order to merely survive the present. That may sound like an excuse, but there have been times that I've known delving into past traumas would render me incapable of caring for myself and my daughter. I understand things often have to get worse before they can get better, but sometimes I just can't afford for things to get any worse.

During the time that I've been a member here I have worked on my trauma history/PTSD symptoms some within therapy. I do still tend to hesitate and pull back when things feel like they're starting to spin beyond my control. I know that I still have a lot of work to do.

I continue to come back here as a reminder that PTSD is something that I need to work on. I need this reminder that others are successfully managing their symptoms and I can do it, too. Staying active in this forum (sometimes less/more active than other times) stops me from completely ignoring my symptoms, as I have so many times over the years, and reminds me that I do need to keep working at this problem even if it is in smaller steps and a slower pace than might be ideal.

 

[Marlene]

I've been here since October of 2006. I used to read all the posts. It helped me to feel a little more normal because there were others out there just like me. And I had no one around me just like me. I find I mainly stay in my own diary and work on myself. Occasional posts elsewhere. And it's still my touchstone of 'I'm not all by myself in this. There are others like me'. My PTSD is an ongoing, active thing so I need to keep my upkeep of it ongoing and active or things tend to spiral out of control.

Lisa

 

[Grama-Herc]

I must agree with you guys. Since PTSD is not curable but managable, I can't imagine trying to manage it without the forum. Plus, with the return of my memory and the realization of my rape I need to be here even more now.

PTSD affects every aspect of our lives, so as issues come up and life goes on, why would we not need the support, input, opinions and help from the others here. I have been helped getting through this rough time with mother and the stress it has put me under. We all need to be reminded that we are not the only people who get triggered and need suggestions on how to deal with it.

I don't read most threads any more, but I do respond to some that I can feel I can be of value to. I think us oldsters find more help and value in the forum than some of the newer people. WE joined when it was smaller and more personal, but that is JMHO!

 

[skyp56]

I am here because I still have work to do on myself. It helps to read posts by others, and to respond if/when I am in in an upswing. Just phrasing my answers helps me to know where I'm at, in that moment and to take action if needed.

Good topic for a thread!

 

[Deleted member 541]

I pretty much use the forum for the daily crap that comes up in my life these days... I also like to think that I can help out, by offering advice, or a kick in the butt now and then.....Also, I feel that becoming a Mod, was my way of giving back......

 

[CCurry]

I haven't been here for one year yet so I'm not sure if I should post but I can tell you what this forum has done for me thus far. When I first came to the site I was so unfamiliar with ptsd and how serious it was and I felt like I was a young school girl that needed direction on how to handle my ptsd sufferer.

I still come here regularly because like that young girl I still need direction on what I'm doing right, how to handle what I'm doing wrong and just plain understanding of what the heck he's going through.

I feel like there are somedays that I wish I could chat with a sufferer in the morning to remind me of what I need to do to help him through this unstable crisis he's (we're) in.

 

[wattle]

I leave and come back when stuff gets on top of me. Originally I came for imformation and to make sure I wasn't completely of my rocker, then it changed to finding out about myself, writting down the stuff I couldn't say and trying to get over the stuff. Usually I'll get to the stage where I can cope again and I'll leave to do other stuff such as living a little, then when I find the going difficult again...I'm back.

 

[the racha]

I've only been a member for a little more than a year, but come by for several reasons: to provide help when I can, to seek advice if needd, and mostly for the feeling of community support. I appreciate the candor in Anthony's post, but I do think it makes a precarious assumption about forum members. I do not come to the forum (or go to therapy, for that matter) to seek validation or find a rescuer to solve my problems. Rather, I come here with an open mind to learn how others have handled similar situations. At least for me, the primary role of this forum is to provide a dynamic learning resource as well as a sense of community. While we can probably exhaust all of the iformation that the forum makes available, it would be unforunate not to recognize the bigger value for some of us, which is a sense of community. Personally, I like to use the chat feature to speak with folks about everyday life-- trauma may or may not be a part of the conversation, but ultimately we know that we are in a safe place. Overexposure to trauma is certainly unhealthy but, at least for me, that is not all that this forum is about. It's bigger than that, just as we each are bigger than our traumas. I understand that the forum was begun with a specific intent in mind, but as it plans for a possible meeting/get-together I think we can all see that it's turned into something more.

 

[becvan]

I come and go. Sometimes I come here to write a bit in my diary, although not often, just to get something down in black and white. Sometimes I come to read only. Sometimes I post to try to help others. I don't spend lots of time on here but I do cycle a bit with that. If I'm struggling I will read more here than usual but not post. If I'm doing well I will read and post when it suits me. I feel no obligation to read everything or post or even be here, but I enjoy trying to help others. My chosen field was social work and since I'm not allowed to go back to that, I think the forum gives me a bit of an outlet for that also. I honestly do not know if I will remain at this spot or not. I just know that right now, this suites me and causes me no grief. I don't think I've exhausted helping, but there is lots that I refuse to rehash at this point. So anyways, my benefits change from moment to moment. If it gets unhealthy, I'll walk away from the forum again.

bec

 

[anthony]

For anyone who thinks that the article about leaving the forum is my way of saying, get what you need and get out, then that is not true. I tried to summate the best I could in the opening paragraph, being:

One of the most asked questions of me is, when is the right time to leave the forum? Well...the answer to that question differs for each person, though personally I encourage people to leave the forum when they have exhausted their own learning and emotional benefits from the resource. This forum usually has a limited lifespan for the majority of members.

I highlighted some key terms in that opening aspect, as they are what people should immediately perceive when reading that article, and not what is actually normal human behaviour when reading, which is to only take the negative aspects or those aspects outside of the entire picture a story tells. The second paragraph then highlights my opinion, with clarity on a key word;

My opinion...the majority of users should have exited this forum within two years maximum.

A majority does not mean everyone, it means exactly what it means... the majority of users will leave this forum, or should have left this forum, within two years of being here. Only a minority of the actual numbers registering around the same time would ever continue on to use this resource for their own emotional needs. Emotional also covers friendship.

As I state within a reply to Dharmabum in the comments, my opinion is one thing, though most of that article is based on discussion from mental health experts from the trauma field / PTSD field. If you see a physician each week, you will get to a point when they ask you why you are coming to see them so often. They will then encourage you to stop the behaviour if nothing is wrong with you that you need to be coming to see them weekly. They will also encourage you to stop it if they see it is a negative behaviour or affecting you negatively overall, whether you see it or not. The reason they do this is because its actually unhealthy for you.

As the article also states... very few people can actually be around trauma constantly, read it, see it, discuss it, without it negatively affecting their life. I can't... hence why I do not read much here or help people so much on any personal level nowadays. I just cannot do it for my own sanity and well-being. The majority of therapist will at some point in their life often break, especially if they are trauma therapists or handle a lot of patients with trauma vs. a relationship counsellor, family counsellor, etc. It has a negative impact and you can only take in so much bad or help so much before you begin to go backwards, and either you are destructing as a person or you are being destructive in advice given because you are self imploding.

I would encourage all persons who read such a thing to focus on the key words within such a document and apply only what is relevant to themselves because of individual belief systems, otherwise discard it as non-applicable to yourself / your emotional well-being.