Why Can't I Leave?

[Woobs]

I have been in a relationship with a combat vet with untreated PTSD for almost 3 years. They have been 3 of the most difficult years of my life. He is verbally abusive and I am constantly giving up things that are important to me for him. Recently I caught him sexting a woman he met online. He claims she was only messaging him and he wasn't involved, but I don't believe it. He thinks after less than 1 month is should be over it already and tries to make me the bad guy. He has terrible mood swings and is unhappy most days. I have asked him to get help a million times, but he won't. I can't even talk to my friends and family about things because they would hate him if the knew the way he talks to me and treats me at times. I know leaving the relationship would be best for me, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to end things.

 

[Ede]

Change is hard. being in a and breaking free from a co-dependent relationship is harder. I don't know that is exactly what's going on but that might be it.

Maybe try a pro/con list? What do you get out of any of this?REALLY?

Honestly, would your life be happier and less stressful without this person in your life? At some point, you need to decide what is good for you.

And as a sufferer, let me just say that having PTSD from anything doesn't excuse any of the above behavior, especially if he won't get help.

 

[Nise]

You could be me except for the sexting. That would be enough to finally push me out the door. Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Lahe]

Have you ever left anyone before?

 

[Sunor]

I have been in a relationship with a combat vet with untreated PTSD for almost 3 years. They have been 3 of the most di...

Well, OK, what was your childhood like? Of course, you don't have to answer, but an interesting term, "trauma bonding", I would post a link but you can't on this forum. So google the term?
Trauma bonding is of some interest to me. Sometimes if we have early abusive relationships, we either need to take care of, or just "feel" the need of the early chaos to feel normal? Do you feel like if it wasn't for you, he would fall apart, and that would be on you; guilt?

 

[Utof]

Woobs, he is abusive, from your description. No reason to stay. You are not there to be his punching bag, you're not there to be his floor mat either. I don't care how much he doesn't like it, it will not get better if you sty. I hear people say that it can, and they even say their relationships got better over time, but it's not worth it. I say get out now while the damage to you is already minimal. They longer you stay the worse it gets, I feel.

You owe him nothing. You owe yourself everything.

 

[Woobs]

Well, OK, what was your childhood like? Of course, you don't have to answer, but an interesting term, "trauma bonding",...

Change is hard. being in a and breaking free from a co-dependent relationship is harder. I don't know that is exactly what...

Thanks so much! I really appreciate the advice. Someone else suggested to me the pros and cons list. I am going to try that. I think that may be helpful. I feel like I was allowing him to treat me this way because I know he has been through so much, but the longer it goes on the more I feel like it's taking its toll on me. Once I saw the messages from this woman I got so mad. I have given up so much and to have him do that to me pushed me over the edge.

 

[Woobs]

You could be me except for the sexting. That would be enough to finally push me out the door. Hugs if you accept them.[...

Thanks so much. Yeah the texting hit me hard. It was like after all I have given up and done how could you do that to me?!?

 

[Woobs]

Woobs, he is abusive, from your description. No reason to stay. You are not there to be his punching bag, you're not th...

I agree it's not ok for him to take everything out on me. I get so frustrated. It's really starting to take its toll on me.

 

[Woobs]

Well, OK, what was your childhood like? Of course, you don't have to answer, but an interesting term, "trauma bonding",...

I actually had a great childhood. I have supportive parents and 6 siblings I am close to. They would be so upset to know I have allowed someone to treat me this way. I'm sure there is some guilt involved. He didn't ask to be like this so I feel like I should try to be understanding and supportive, but it seems the more I give the more he takes.

 

[Tenesaz]

I am a sufferer. My SO and I are splitting. I am packing right now. It will be quick. The thing is, I am leaving because I can see the pain he is in and how much he has given up and I can't watch it anymore. That is actually what love is.

I think I would say if you were staying for love, then have at it. Keep working on it. Sexting someone else while professing your love for someone else? I am not certain what that is, but I wouldn't call it love. You deserve better.

 

[Jipica]

Tonight I went to a memorial for a young woman, 34 years of age, who was beaten to death by her boyfriend.
Google "Vigil held for Mt. Pleasant woman believed murdered by fiance".

If it happened to her it can happen to you. GET OUT OF THERE!