So glad I found this forum.
My H of 8 years has severe issues. His VA drs think it's Combat PTSD but I am now realizing there were signs long before he ever saw combat. I think the combat and some stressful events after that were just a trigger for a deeper issue.
He got out of the military last summer and the escalation in his negative behaviors has been awful. He lies, cheats, is verbally abusive to me and the kids, isolates himself, neglects our dog...etc. etc. etc.
He is finally in treatment but I am completely worn out and feeling pretty hopeless right now. He has told the therapist things like "I don't have a problem.", "I am always in control of my feelings," or "I don't have feelings." and "I married her because she's better at the emotional stuff and I expect her to handle all of that." We have four kids and I simply CANNOT handle all the emotional issues for them, myself and him.
Yes, I have good friends and family but they have their own issues to deal with and can't (and shouldn't have to) be my emotional crutch all the time. I am really struggling with whether or not to stay with him and, honestly, the only reason I'm not kicking him out right this minute is because I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with the argument that it would cause. But the hurt and anger I feel right now over his near total destruction of my trust in him and the countless numerous hurtful things he's said (without ANY acknowledgement or remorse) is so overwhelming. And the real kicker is that his behavior has evolved to where he is blaming me for EVERYthing - even things I had absolutely NOTHING to do with! Somehow, to him, it is ALL my fault. He isn't working right now and is barely making an effort to find a job.
I was babysitting in our home but he insisted I quit and now since there is NO income, our depleting finances are MY fault because "you and the kids are bleeding me dry!" AND, that comment was said to defend his contacting an ex f*buddy (after repeated promises not to contact her) to ask about a job at her company. So even his lies are MY fault! If I try to express my frustration or hurt? Well, then I'm being a b*tch because he is in therapy - like just that alone is supposed to "fix" everything.
Every once in a blue moon there are the tiniest flickers of love/affection from him but they are so few and far between and far outweighed by the negative. I went into this marriage 100% committed to "for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part" but I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
By the way, for some reason the VA will only schedule his therapy once a month. I have my own therapist but his schedule was overloaded this week and the local VA wives support group only meets once per month. I thought it met today and was just trying to hang on till I could go there and get some insight/support but I learned this morning that it won't meet for another two weeks. I honestly don't know what's stopping me from just laying it all out to him. I don't know what to do with all this hurt and anger I feel and I'm so f*cking tired of having to do it for myself!
I know I sound like a terribly whiny person and I am so sorry. I am normally someone who gives so much to others and I get so much joy from that. Lately, I've only had enough to keep my own family going with too little left over for anything or anyone else. I just really need to vent today and, after reading so many wonderfully caring and supportive posts on here, I'm really hoping to find some healing here.
My H of 8 years has severe issues. His VA drs think it's Combat PTSD but I am now realizing there were signs long before he ever saw combat. I think the combat and some stressful events after that were just a trigger for a deeper issue.
He got out of the military last summer and the escalation in his negative behaviors has been awful. He lies, cheats, is verbally abusive to me and the kids, isolates himself, neglects our dog...etc. etc. etc.
He is finally in treatment but I am completely worn out and feeling pretty hopeless right now. He has told the therapist things like "I don't have a problem.", "I am always in control of my feelings," or "I don't have feelings." and "I married her because she's better at the emotional stuff and I expect her to handle all of that." We have four kids and I simply CANNOT handle all the emotional issues for them, myself and him.
Yes, I have good friends and family but they have their own issues to deal with and can't (and shouldn't have to) be my emotional crutch all the time. I am really struggling with whether or not to stay with him and, honestly, the only reason I'm not kicking him out right this minute is because I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with the argument that it would cause. But the hurt and anger I feel right now over his near total destruction of my trust in him and the countless numerous hurtful things he's said (without ANY acknowledgement or remorse) is so overwhelming. And the real kicker is that his behavior has evolved to where he is blaming me for EVERYthing - even things I had absolutely NOTHING to do with! Somehow, to him, it is ALL my fault. He isn't working right now and is barely making an effort to find a job.
I was babysitting in our home but he insisted I quit and now since there is NO income, our depleting finances are MY fault because "you and the kids are bleeding me dry!" AND, that comment was said to defend his contacting an ex f*buddy (after repeated promises not to contact her) to ask about a job at her company. So even his lies are MY fault! If I try to express my frustration or hurt? Well, then I'm being a b*tch because he is in therapy - like just that alone is supposed to "fix" everything.
Every once in a blue moon there are the tiniest flickers of love/affection from him but they are so few and far between and far outweighed by the negative. I went into this marriage 100% committed to "for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part" but I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
By the way, for some reason the VA will only schedule his therapy once a month. I have my own therapist but his schedule was overloaded this week and the local VA wives support group only meets once per month. I thought it met today and was just trying to hang on till I could go there and get some insight/support but I learned this morning that it won't meet for another two weeks. I honestly don't know what's stopping me from just laying it all out to him. I don't know what to do with all this hurt and anger I feel and I'm so f*cking tired of having to do it for myself!
I know I sound like a terribly whiny person and I am so sorry. I am normally someone who gives so much to others and I get so much joy from that. Lately, I've only had enough to keep my own family going with too little left over for anything or anyone else. I just really need to vent today and, after reading so many wonderfully caring and supportive posts on here, I'm really hoping to find some healing here.
