Sexual Assault Will there ever be a time where coping is easier?

[Smitty237]

I won't go into a lot of details but I experienced severe abuse as child emotional/sexual/physical you name it. Then when I was older I was drugged, mugged and raped. I was in pretty rough shape and I was later diagnosed with PTSD although they believe I have had it for some time.

The man that saved me from the abuse as a child was my stepfather, he is a military man and being brought into that life and that family saved my life. I became the person I wanted to be and I have him to thank for everything I have achieved.

That does not mean I have not been suffering, I always do and am terrified I always will. I undergo CBT and it helps but I am in an off period again where the nightmares are horrid and I am agitated and jumpy. I wake my boyfriend up every night screaming and am so irritable sometimes I feel horrible. I feel like I should have made more progress but not only is the man I consider my father military but so is the rest of my family. I was taught that expressing my emotions crying and mourning you need to fix it and be the better of the world, I CHOOSE to be happy and I am but some days it is so hard, like an active fight. I won't break down. I won't cry I'll never waste tears for my abusers, even the one who committed suicide this past year, but it's haunting me.... Does it ever get easier for anyone here? Can you ever completely forget and just be yourself?

Am I going to have bi-weekly appointments for the rest of my life?

 

[littleoc]

It really does get better. There’s hope for you.

It takes a lot of work, but the result is worth it. It took me about eleven years or so? To feel as good as I do right now. I’m still working, but most days I do great. I don’t have breakdowns every day anymore, for example. And I can figure out how to identify what’s bothering me, and try to address it.

Lots of people with PTSD get to a point where they recover. PTSD doesn’t have to become an identity trait.

Many hugs

 

[Joan]

It does get better, not sure about "forgetting"...I think it is always a part of you, bet there is much more to you than what happened to you. learning to let tears flow has been important for me...there are times that is a release that is needed. It is hard when culture tells it us it is not ok. Take sweet care of yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

Well, you’re stuffing your emotions and refusing to feel them, so I’m not surprised that you’re struggling so much.

Showing emotion, crying, doesn’t mean that you’re crying for your abusers. You can cry for yourself, for your wounded inner child. Many of us here wouldn’t ever cry for our abusers, but we do show emotion.

The thing about emotions is that you can try your best to shove them down, but they always find a way to express themselves. And even if you think you’re successful at stuffing them down? Yeah you can get hit with a stress heart attack at age 45 and end up worm food. Suffice to say, it’s best to feel and not suppress!

Feeling emotions is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.

I think it’s time to throw away your negative coping skills and find healthy ones.

:hug:

 

[ladee]

Yes, you can have a life, and get to be yourself. Forget? No, but it goes to the background of your life and experiances. You learn to identify the things that become a part of the healing life. And that becomes your go-to answers. I don't feel I will ever be free of my past, it is part of who I am. It doesn't define me. It never did. Symptoms are just that, symptoms. We just learn how to do what we need to do for things to not take over our life..

I can go months and months now, without even thinking about PTSD.. and even when something gets me going in 'that' direction, I have a ton of learned tools to stop, regroup, figure it out, feel it, let it go.. And if there is someone who has 'recovered' completely, I've never heard of them..

Learning to have our feelings. That is a huge part of recovery. At your own pace, in your own time. Because they will resurface in all kinds of ways, and set us back.... it gets really good.. life has a new meaning.

I hope someday you give your self permission to grieve the things you missed out on. Doesn't mean you never get to do things.. just later than you expected. That's what my tears have been... grief.. not for my abusers... but for me.

I have a mental life I never dreamed possible.. but I still have PTSD... it just doesn't have ME anymore. Tough times.. sure, it's called LIFE. But everything you put into this healing journey, you get back,ten times... It's hard, it's work, but somewhere along the way, you start to believe in your self, find your truth, and do what needs to be done to keep learning and growing... not everything is about PTSD for me today. I have a very full life... but I'm not ever going to just be able to say, whew, glad that's over.. it won't be until my last breath... because I have been blessed to be able to live my life... really live it...

Hang on, we are here for you... lots to learn, lots to let go of, lots to heal.. A whole forum of people on this healing journey. Very happy you decided to join us... welcome.. you don't have to do anything alone... not anymore. People here understand...

 

[Sb1234]

Thank you for posting this question and everyone for your responses. I am at the same place in my journey, constantly wondering if it is possible to get to a place where my trauma doesn't control every aspect of my life. I needed this reassurance that I'm not alone, that someone else is thinking this same thing and that there is hope. It means the world to me. Thank you so so very much. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.