Supporter Worried Dad

[Peter H]

First of all, my sincere thanks to the owners for providing this forum. I hope to coax my 21yo daughter into sharing her woes here with such caring people as you all seem to be.

Three years ago she looked on helplessly as a good friend did away with himself while they were chatting on Skype. Since then she has relived the scene in the same nightmare several times a night. She has been told by counsellors that it is just something she has to learn to live with. For seven years she has been prone to recurring tummy and gut problems that seem to be getting worse and I have the sneaking suspicion that her anxiety has a great deal to do with them. A couple of months ago she started seeing a psychotherapist in Sydney weekly and we'll see where that leads, but I think she would benefit in a mutual support group talking "shop" with others with similar problems.

She enjoys her full-time job, studies part-time with Open University, is an active member of the RFS (we live in the Blue Mountains), has a steady boyfriend, rides a motorcycle, drives our car, loves her dog and cat, has quite a few friends, overall a full life. But her tummy problems have led to a lot of time off work, dozens of tests (nearly all come back negative) at the doctors and specialists and her disturbed sleep is taking its toll.

I will show her any replies I receive to this post and hopefully this will encourage her to join with you all. Thank you for listening to a worried parent.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Peter H firstly welcome to the forum. It sounds like your daughter would benefit from this forum, like I have.

Let her know it is here on the Internet and be the great dad you clearly are, support her and remain gentle.

:hug:s if you accept them

Laurie

 

[arfie]

Welcome to the forum, Peter. You sound like a great parent. Would you be interested in adopting a 60 year old daughter?

Seriously...

I am on both sides of the PTSD coin. Both supporter and sufferer. Seems to me that knowing when to get help helping others is the most important part of the supporter role. Glad to see you doing so. Both as supporter and sufferer, I believe that trusting the patient to trust their own instincts is a critical element.

Again, welcome. Hope you find good support for yourself here.

 

[Jane.l]

She is lucky to have a caring loving father, and we will look out for her if she wants to talk .

 

[Justmehere]

I lost a roommate and a neighbor to suicide. I didn't watch my roommate die, but I was the first one let into the house by the police and had to clean up... I have also seen someone die under other circumstances, right before me. I don't know exactly what it is like for her, but she is by no means alone in her struggle. There is hope and there is help! No one can ever take away what happened... She'll never be the same, but it is possible to have it impact her daily life less. I hope she joins the forum and we can talk "shop." :)

Even if she doesn't join, please know you are welcome here too as a supporter. It's confusing and hard to be on the outside of a loved one who is in pain - and not being able to resolve it, not being able to fully take her pain and struggle away. It's very tough. I commend you for reaching out to find options to help support her.

 

[Peter H]

Wow! Four replies already. Thank you Laurie, Arfie, Jane and Justmehere for your welcome and words of encouragement.

 

[Kefira]

Welcome to the forum. She is lucky to have someone so supportive in her life.

This has been a really wonderful place for many of us to find support, advice, and share our ups and downs. I think she would likely benefit from it.

I also hope you stay around- it can be very helpful as a supporter of someone with PTSD to be able to field questions, talk with other people who understand, and learn from other sufferers. I'd say you're doing well so far if you're trying to help her find options for extra help.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome to the forum. Always nice to see a parent being supportive. :)

 

[mrsps]

Hi Peter

You sound like such an amazing dad. The support you give your daughter will help her immensely with her progress.
I would love to have a dad like you! :hug:

 

[mamachick]

Dear Peter H's daughter. I hope you are reading these responses. I can see that your father is very supporting of you and advocating for you to recover from such trauma. I am so glad that you have such loving support. I think you would find that you would be very welcomed here, learn much about what is happening with yourself, and find others that you would relate to.

There are many different things that have traumatized all of us here, and while many seem unique at the beginning, I have found that there are so many people that I relate to on a more personal or similar level. I have three grown daughters, and if anything caused them such symptoms, I too would be wanting them to find all the resources for the best outcome.

I have found that this forum, along with counseling and hard work-has helped so much. It doesnt cost anything and you can share at your own pace. You are annonymous and can come and go and participate to your liking. People are here for you when you cant sleep, when your having an exceptionally bad day, or when you have questions. You have been through a horrific experience and we all need some support in such times. It is not a weakness but a normal response to un-normal situations. I hope you give it a try.

 

[Peter H]

Thank you Kefira, Nighthawlk and mrsps. But I don't deserve your kind words. I was more or less a workaholic during my son and daughter's teenage years when they probably needed me most. They both went through drug and alcohol abuse while I went merrily about my work. They've both left the drugs well behind and my daughter no longer touches alcohol. Fortunately we're pretty close and I only work part-time now I've reached retirement age but my conscience bothers me when I look back. A lot of my son's trouble with the law and associated heartache could maybe have been avoided if I had been the guide and mentor I should have been. And where was I when my daughter had her horrific experience? I only hope I can make up for the past.

Thank you Brat17. She stayed at her boyfriend's place last night and is not back yet. I will definitely be showing her this thread and any other responses as they come in.

 

[NicG]

Hi Peter!

Welcome :) it's bizarre how unhelpful some counsellors can be isn't it! I don't know how the ones your daughter has seen have thought "you'll just have to live with it" is an acceptable response!
While us sufferers do have to adapt and find a lifestyle that manages our symptoms, it doesn't mean we're just "living with" whatever happened to us. Even just HEARING about relatives of mine who have committed/attempted suicide makes me extremely anxious whenever I'm reminded of such things. And that's not even what caused my PTSD! A good counsellor or psychologist will help her find strategies to stay calm, and put the things in our past in their place (we call it grounding, even just googling some techniques might help her).

I have constant stomach issues too, people underestimate just how badly that can impact your life. And yeah, anxiety just makes my problems shoot through the roof.

I'm hearing that you feel like you weren't there enough while your children were growing up... I imagine that must be very hard for you, but at the same time I think it's important to remember that what you're doing in the present is also very important. The past can be damaging and difficult to deal with... but it's in the present where we heal and better our lives.