Your Favorite Funny Quotes From Films Or Tv

[Rani G2]

Who altered your protocols?
Nobody altered my protocols.
What about them?
I just enhanced them.
Are you the boss?
Boss is a human thought structure.

“Automata“. One f* good movie.

 

[Rani G2]

Oh ...suppose to be funny. I oversaw that.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

It's cool, I like that :D

 

[Lionheart]

This is from an Episode of "Friends":

Joey and chandler were baby-sitting and lost the baby and were trying to decide if the baby had ducks or clowns on it PJ's;

Joey: Uh... uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns?
Chandler: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Joey: You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey: Heads.
Chandler: Heads it is.
Joey: Yes! Whew!
Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Right. Okay, okay, uh... ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

:roflmao:

I love the one where Ross says he found a peanut on the floor, puts it in his mouth and then goes "nope, somethin' else" :D

 

[EmmaOwl]

"How many fingers do you have on your right hand?" asks you-know-who.
Our masked man: "Do you always begin conversations this way?"
-from the eminently quotable "Princess Bride"

 

[EmmaOwl]

Sigh. I miss being a pissed off 19yo.

Me too! What is WITH that? lol

 

[EmmaOwl]

:roflmao:

I love the one where Ross says he found a peanut on the floor, puts it in his mouth and then goe...

Did you change the subject to "things that make you gag"??? :D

 

[Friday]

LLAMAS WITH HATS.

Episode2 - The (Sinking) Cruise Ship

That's what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming. And then silence.
...

You shot a harpoon into the captains chest!
- Well that sounds dangerous.
You were head butting children off the side of the ship! And then started making out with the ice sculptures!
- Thank. God. that the children weren't on board to see that!
...

Why is the lifeboat all red & sticky?
- Why, I believe you could say it is all red & sticky.
Carl. What are we standing in?
- Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?
No I would not believe it's strawberry milkshake.
- Melted gumdrops.
No.
- Boat nectar.
No.
- Some of God's tears?
Tell me the truth, Carl!
- Fine. It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B.
...

Episode 3 - Vacation

Carl! We're supposed to be on vacation!
- I don't know about you, but I am having a wonderful time, here.
You toppled a South American Government.
- The people have spoken. Viva la resistance.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

"You climb like old people f*ck private pile"

"I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump."

Full metal jacket

 

[Keming]

LLAMAS WITH HATS.

Episode2 - The (Sinking) Cruise Ship

That's what forgiveness sounds like. Sc...

This is what happiness feels like. Thank you.
:happy::cry::happy:

 

[jaccat]

GRIMM, season 4.

Nick, Hank, and Woo discuss the terrible thing's Adalind's done to them.

WOO: (smug) She hasn't done anything to me.
HANK: You ate a cookie.
WOO: What?
NICK: You ate one of Adalind's cookies. That's why you ate your carpet.

Flash back to scene from season one, of a crazed sergeant Woo devouring his living room carpet.

WOO: Oh. Right.