Recent Cognitive Therapy Experience And Friendship

[EveHarrington]

I think it's good to find a therapist you can connect with, but I'd like to add that it wasn't a balanced relationship-----well perhaps "balanced" in the therapy room, but if you remove the therapy construct, not balanced in the least. You told her a lot about yourself but this action wasn't reciprocal. (If it was, then this woman is unprofessional and shouldn't be a therapist.) I mean, she knows a lot about you but you don't know a lot about her.

The professional boundary issue is very much in place to protect clients.

 

[X360pt]

I find people receiving help either feel entitled or overly grateful. Not much happy medium.

I did read somewhere that if a note/letter is written to the T it may mean that the client hasn't fully learnt all the skills to fight feeling down… I am suffering with depression not sure how strong.

 

[X360pt]

I think it's good to find a therapist you can connect with, but I'd like to add that it wasn't a...

As my first T to potentially aid me in this tough time, I couldn't have asked for more really. I didn't have a clue who I was seeing.

Who ever it would be, I might not have had the same click and may have moved on, but as o felt genuine response, there was no reason to change T.

I knew there was going to be boundaries whether I liked it or not. It is however really difficult to forget them as yet.

The T was a "he", initially when asked if I had a preference, i didn't really mind.

I explained to my mate yesterday, about the therapy sessions i was going to, and he said I didn't have to as I can talk about anything to him etc I have people I can speak to ie family.

I went there mailnly to earn how to do deal with negative thoughts and so on.

I just never thought I'd consider the T as a friend, I didn't plan it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I explained to my mate yesterday, about the therapy sessions i was going to, and he said I didn't have to as I can talk about anything to him etc I have people I can speak to ie family.

That's good. ^^ Though families & friends aren't professionally trained usually or capable of being T's.

I just never thought I'd consider the T as a friend, I didn't plan it.

Nope. Everyone starts a stranger.

You sound like a nice person @X360pt . Do you have ptsd? How old are you?

 

[X360pt]

That's good. ^^ Though families & friends aren't professionally trained usually or capable of being T's....

True hence why I went down this route to try and help

Perhaps the T won't remember me… they may do as they too seemed genuine. I mentioned before how T wanted to go somewhere but saw me crying in the corridor so perhaps they went back to the room, to feel the same pain?

I could be totally wrong. I don't have ptsd, and I am 24.

 

[ladee]

This is my observation. Like many of us, to find someone who listens, really hears us, and helps us.. Well, of course we are going to have emotions tied to that. He will remember you, because you were forthcoming about what you wanted, knowing the answer. And you left him a note..
I think of my first T to this day and that was over 30 years ago. Does she think of me, probably not. But she was very instrumental on helping me build a foundation for healing... I will be forever grateful for that. I so understand what you are sharing... It's normal to want to further a relationship with people we trust. But it is not good for us to have this person in our life as a friend. Who he is in Real Life may not be anything like the experiences you had with him.
Welcome, by the way, and hope your next T to be as good as this one was..

 

[X360pt]

This is my observation. Like many of us, to find someone who listens, really hears us, and helps us.. Wel...

When you say "because you were forthcoming about what you wanted, knowing the answer, and you left him a note". Are you referring to even do I knew the outcome of a potential friendship, I still wrote the note?

Reading your comment about "he will remember you" is very touching… I really really hope so.

Why do you say your 1st T prorably doesnt remember you? I know it's been over 30 years like you said, however they are human too, have the same feelings.

I asked him to honestly tell me what he thought about my Q and the T was very upfront and if it wasn't for the place we met we prob would be friends, something along these lines. No matter what, the experience I've had has been extremely touching as human beings.

What's the likelihood of continuing the sessions with this T from precious experience? Will it have to someone else? As I feel it would benefit me to carry on.

What would immensely put me at ease a little, is to perhaps see him again, for one last handshake in case I cannot have the same T.

Thank you for your comments.

 

[ladee]

What I didn't express very well, was you took a risk with him. That takes courage and honesty. And then, even knowing friendship was not an option, you left him a note of gratitude. That is probably more 'real' he gets from his clients on a lot of days put together.... so he will remember you because of your honesty and courage and gratitude.
I hope you get to see him again... and one final handshake would be good too... if not him, then hoping your next T is what you need also...

 

[joeylittle]

@X360pt - doing a final session to 'close things down', is very common in all kinds of therapy styles. I'd probably recommend that, if you can - and you can discuss the possibility of continuing as well as your emotional response to everything.

The therapist can often feel like a special connection, in large part because of what they do. They are 100% focused on you - this doesn't mean that they don't also like working with you, but it's their job to remain open and non-judgemental.

When you work longer with a therapist, and they start challenging your beliefs a little more, it's just as common for people to start feeling like their therapist dislikes them. Again, it's a by-product of that specific relationship.

Good therapists are very capable of maintaining the right kinds of boundaries between their work, their clients, and their lives. They also periodically get therapy themselves, to process their own challenges.

 

[X360pt]

What I didn't express very well, was you took a risk with him. That takes courage and honesty. And then,...

Absolutely, I mentioned to the T that although I did not want to hamper my/our journey I still felt happier asking the Q, I was upfront and honest, therefore making me happier after all.

Would rather have the situation as it is, Instead of not being sincere, duelling on it… then the "if only" thoughts would come in. Takes a lot to be courageous, no matter the outcome, just coming across like that stands out.

Even do I was the one needing help, I am very positive that my actions have left a long lasting remembrance on the T. We must cherish moments such as these.

As much as I was in a bit of state after leaving… none can take away my decision/action and experience I've had, for this I feel I've become a better person.

Thanks for your contribution to the post. All the best

 

[X360pt]

@x30pt - doing a final session to 'close things down', is very common in all kinds of therapy styles...

In terms of hopefully having that final handshake… I've sent an email to the team so I'm sure something will be sorted out, or even continuing with the same therapy. My emotional response was shown from what I did and said as well as how I reacted so would be wonderful to discuss further.

Before leaving the location, I sat outside for about 10 mins to calm down, (finally deciding I must write the note) then went inside and spoke to 1 of the receptionists as needed to have a last say to them too as they've all been fab. Just as I left the 2 receptionists too mentioned, come back whenever you want for a chat. I know it's their job, but these comments mean a lot. I will be busy this coming week Monday to Friday, however should visit to say hi very soon.

The T to my eyes was professional at all times, but I could definitely tell he would have had a different response if it weren't for the setting.

I sure do understand where you're coming from in terms of "working longer" could potentially hamper the relationship… due to challenging our beliefs. Disagreeing with someone often shows you care. Not all the time do.

We don't all get along even do this would be excellent, It's natural. That's what make us different. However we do "sense" when a person is genuine, who can support you no matter your circumstances.

I put myself forward for this therapy, meeting this person just had to be. I'm so happy for it.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@X360pt I feel so sad for you. :( I understand this too well. I lack boundaries and because of that, I bond very strongly with people who show me kindness and concern. I never understood how someone could care, yet keep me at arm's length.

Joining this forum was like finding my tribe. People listened, shared, and understood. For the first time in my life, I belonged and was accepted as I am. It took a few months, but some part of me began to realize that the members of this community had my back. And for the first time, I understood how it felt to know that I wasn't alone in my battle.

This will happen to you, too, and when it does, you will begin to develop boundaries of your own, and your therapist's boundaries will make perfect sense to you. It's incredibly liberating!

I applaud your courage to offer your friendship to you therapist. I couldn't have done that.