Relationship Is It Ptsd Or Does He Really Not See A Future?

[jems]

Just panicking over our plans tomorrow to go to the concert (that aren't gonna happen). Paranoid he's gonna take some other female :( It'll just have to be over for me at that point! I don't know whether to text him and bring it up...? I know all it would do is drive a bigger wedge between us. F*** eggshells. GRRRR

Maybe just ask if he's going....? To take pics? Believe me, I'd be painfully done if he'd do that to me! (Take some other girl.) Yep, feeling pretty damn insecure today, and I don't wanna hear negative comments about it. That's why I come here, so I can show my true colors, and the rest of the world doesn't have to deal with my sh*t!

 

[JM318]

I'm not tired of you at all. <3

I refuse to sign onto facebook because he deleted me when I reached out t...

I've never stopped talking to his mom since we started dating, even throughout our breakups, her and I have a mutual understanding and a great bond so I'm not worried about that at all

 

[JM318]

Just panicking over our plans tomorrow to go to the concert (that aren't gonna happen). Paranoid he's gonn...

I'm not sure if I would ask to go or not, that's really your call. He may not even remember ou guys had tickets.

 

[jems]

I've never stopped talking to his mom since we started dating, even throughout our breakups, her and I ha...

I just met his mom and dad a couple months ago once. So we've never had a chance to develop a relationship. I was the third female he ever introduced them to, which was such a big deal to him. One of the first things she said to me (twice) was, "Thank you for putting up with him."

She did buy me a kcup holder once while shopping with him and gave it to my vet to give me though.

 

[jems]

I'm not sure if I would ask to go or not, that's really your call. He may not even remember ou guys had t...

I don't wanna ask to go, just ask if he's going. It's very possible he forgot because as soon as he was "overloaded" and asked to "focus" on himself, he said he still wanted to keep our future plans. Then he asked me, "What are the dates again?"

I looked on Craigslist yesterday to see if he tried to sell the tickets, and no he hasn't.

I'm thinking to text him tomorrow night during the concert, and just ask if he's there. Do you think it's possible he would actually go if he was having severe ptsd symptoms? It wouldn't make sense to me if he did. I'm really worried about it since we aren't technically together. It would absolutely devastate me if he went with another female. I don't think he would, but my mind is really playing tricks on me.

I know this is ridiculous, but it's NOT! It would mean it'd have to be the end for us. I just couldn't live with that.

Ok, I am adding this thread I just read in here for others that are curious about memory and PTSD
Memory

 

[Endure]

I just got back from a counseling session and am feeling better. She reminded me again that I was the healthy one in the relationship and I did nothing wrong. As long as things were on his terms, things were great. As soon as I would express any type of insecurity or needs on my part that was when he would run. That's not how a healthy relationship is suppose to work. I've also been trying to find meaning in what I've gone through. She said the meaning I should take from this is that I gave him a gift. I taught him he could be loved. It was ironic she said that, because the very last sentence of the last contact I made to him was that I hoped one day he would realize he was loved.

I know I'm a few weeks ahead of you two in the grieving process and we will go through all of the stages. I went through the denial, bargaining and a little bit of anger. I think I'm moving into acceptance now. Another thing my counselor cautioned me on is the fantasy. It is what keeps us in the earlier stages. We create a vision of how we want him to be, but in reality he is not capable of that right now. A healthy relationship should not require so much work and pain. We are healthy and we keep trying to stand by them thinking we have to help them rise to the level we are at. But we can't do that for them. That is the work they have to do on their own. Maybe someday they will get there, but like JM318 said, it may be too late. That is the risk THEY have to take.

 

[jems]

@JM

As soon as I would express any type of insecurity or needs on my part that was when he would run.

I'm 17 days into no contact from my love. I'm not sure if it's over or not. Normally one would say yes i...

I still trying to figure out your whole history. I'm somewhat confused of your timeline...?

 

[jems]

I just got back from a counseling session and am feeling better. She reminded me again that I was the he...

So bittersweet to read your post. I don't know whether to smile or cry.

 

[EveHarrington]

I wasnt talking about me EVE, I was talking about people needing absolutely NO contact and referring to [U...

I think if you read most situations, sufferers are not actually asking for their partners to wait. It is the supporter who is assuming that it's an isolation period and they are the ones who indeed want to wait. I've read tonnes of isolation stories and in none of them does a sufferer ever ask the supporter to wait. It is ultimately up to the supporter if they want to "wait it out" but I never see a sufferer asking for the other person to wait for them. This sort of flies in the face of what isolation actually is. Most of us have no idea when we will emerge, if ever.

I was actually referring to you getting so upset when there is isolation in other peoples relationships. I don't understand why you'd get furious over a situation between two people you've never met? This is why I was saying perhaps take a step back? Don't let other people's relationships effect you so much.

 

[JM318]

I just met his mom and dad a couple months ago once. So we've never had a chance to develop a relationship...

I've lived with my veteran, his mom and brother before he moved out into his own house. I call her "Mom", we cook together and do Sunday dinners, family functions, holidays, go to bingo, do yard work, visit her at work/met her boss, church, exercising, home decor - we've always had a relationship since day 1, so I guess it's different when I reach out to her than in your situation (which isn't a good or bad thing, I'm just explaining my situation too). I'm like the daughter she never had. The first time we broke up, I was more heartbroken at the fact I wouldn't see her again. Getting attached to family makes everything so much harder but we've never lost contact even when things were rocky. I want more than anything for her to be my mother-in-law one day. She texted me back and told me he has not talked to her either. I told her he's in his bubble and that I'm not responding to his text and continuing to give him space, she is doing the same.

 

[jems]

I think if you read most situations, sufferers are not actually asking for their partners to wait...

because @JM318 vet did ask her to wait, and she agreed.

 

[Endure]

@JM


I still trying to figure out your whole history. I'm somewhat confused of your timeline...?

...[/QUOTE]
Our fight occurred on July 7. That was the last time I spoke with him. I made several attempts to reach him after that. Last time I tried to contact him was Aug. 1.